To be annoyed that I get glared at for having a blue badge

[Sparklebelle1024]

I try not to let it bother me but I’m young ( 35) and I have a blue badge because I have a few health problems which put me into the category of disabled and entitle me to pip and a blue badge. I do work (only part time as that’s a struggle but I do it for my own mental health but I think even that might have to go soon but I’m trying to last as long as I can) and almost every time I pull my car into the disabled spaces I get dirty looks and “badge checked” by the older generation and it’s ALWAYS older people !! It’s like younger folk can’t have disabilities!! Yet I can literally go from being okayish one day to hospitalised the next (I have a very understanding manager) and my car is a lifeline. I do try to brush it off but today I had a run in with an older man and he asked to see the photo on my badge to prove it was mine, I obviously told him he’s not entitled to that information and it’s not an elderly badge it’s a disabled badge and I cried when I was driving home.
it’s not fair…. I’m sick of being judged because I’m not “old” and don’t “look disabled” whatever that should look like. I know it shouldn’t bother me but it really genuinely does. So AIBU to be annoyed at being judged by the older generation because I use a badge I’m legally entitled to??

This reminds me of one time, a lady I used to live near had a blue badge (she was about 45 and looked a bit younger,) and she pulled up in the car park of a supermarket. It had a strict 2 hour limit of parking, in case people used it while they went off out for the day on the train (and hogged the space for the day,) or just spent the day in the town and didn't want to pay the £3 charge in the main car parks.

She pulled up into a disabled bay, switched off the engine, and put the blue badge in the front window on the passenger side. The parking warden who worked on behalf of the supermarket, opened her passenger door and took the blue badge out. Looked at it, looked at her, scowled a bit and said 'this doesn't look like you.' She said 'well it is! And what the hell are you doing, opening my door and taking my blue badge out? Why are you even opening my door at all?!'

Parking warden took the badge off her! She went back into the supermarket, in tears, and told a member of staff what had happened, and they came out and demanded that the parking warden give her her blue badge back! Staff member said 'it's clearly this lady on the photo, and you can't just open peoples doors and take stuff out!'

Never saw that parking warden again. (Wasn't even a proper official traffic warden, just a woman working on behalf the of the supermarket to keep an eye on the car park!). Awful behaviour. Hope she lost her job!

Who are you to "scowl" at the driver. Just mind your own business. I have pulled into a BB spot before, and needed just a minute to catch my breath, before (stone me) I have reached to put my BB on my dashboard. Seeing someone scowl at me, would be the last thing I need.

If she wasn’t a traffic warden she definitely couldn’t take the badge! They’re very valuable. What a horrid thing to happen

HRTFT...I used to be polite. Now I tell them to fuck off and report me. In my experience it has been, without fail older people. Friends and family have been shocked when they've seen it.
I've had BBs since 2016. I get them automatically (without assessment by the council) because I scored more than 12 points in the moving around section in the mobility section of PIP. I have a J-tube connected to a feed 20 hours a day and a life limiting condition.
The stupid thing is that although the photo is on the back, the month and year of the recipient is in the code on the front. That gives a clue if it's the badge of a younger person.

Was a BB displayed in the cars of these so-called able bodied people?

Hubby's response when questioned about his badge..
" You don't look disabled "
"Well you don't look fucking ignorant but you obviously are"
I've even had people accost me when I've been driving and he's in the passenger seat. I've put the badge in the window, got out the car and had some nosey parker say "Well you're not disabled!" I said "no, thank god. But he is!"and pointed at my husband, struggling to walk on that particular day.

No, it is not "perfectly fine".

It's no more perfectly fine than checking that your brother REALLY needs that wheelchair.

Would you be fine with strangers coming over and suggesting ways to check if he actually can walk before letting him park?

People are awarded BB because they meet the criteria for them, which they have had to prove.

It is never "perfectly fine" to question why someone has a BB.

I said it was perfectly fine to question WHETHER someone has a BB.

Not why.

@ibelieveshereallyistgedevil , of course but the OP was saying that it was always older people who had spoken to her. Just putting forward why that might be.

In your position, honestly I'd show them the photo to prove it was mine and make them feel terrible. Any other reaction - however correct - won't educate them through embarrassment. I'd proudly show my photo and declare 'not all disabilities are visible. Do better.' Or something equally smug.

But it must feel horrible, and I'm so sorry.

I do believe that people who rely on wheelchairs should have a designated wide space just for them for the reasons you state.

Someone who can walk with aid of a stick or crutches just doesn’t need the same amount of “ Space”.

(Stick user here)

But you're wrong.

The requirement is that the BB is displayed. There is not requirement for me to speak to any member of the public about it.

I don't want a man shouting at me from his car asking if I am allowed to park there. I don't want any men shouting at me from cars at all.

The fact that your brother can't see my BB on the dashboard is honestly not relevant.

If he is still in his car all I would see was a man, potentially with his car between me and the shop which is threatening in itself. Add in the shouting male and I am likely to have a panic attack, my pain with go through the roof and I won't be using any BB spaces for a good week.

I display the BB as required but I won't engage with any member of the public querying it, no matter how polite.

People are entitled to report suspected BB misuse, they are not entitled to approach me about my BB.

Some people who are non wheelchair users need their doors opening fully, so those spaces would need to big enough to accommodate that.

By doing this you would further restrict the number of wheelchair users that could park.

The space is needed for a variety of reasons, it may be more than some people need on some days but a standard space would not be enough, therefore more is better than not enough.

Some might- quite often the space is needed to open the car door fully so they can swivel to stand up or whatever.

I suspect that poster doesn’t realise that a BB is not kept permanently on display. I was surprised to learn this, until I found out how vulnerable they are to theft. As well as being portable so the holder can use it in someone else’s car.

My brother enjoys being out and about on the road as he likes that his disability is not obvious to other road users.

Me before disability probably would have too. Now, I often feel too intimidated to speak to anyone, I use the self serve tills and feel proud of myself if I manage to say thank you to the person overseeing the self serve tills.

Disability can create layers of barriers around a person that they are working daily to manage. Anyone who puts an extra challenge in unnecessarily is just cruel.

Disability can create layers of barriers around a person that they are working daily to manage. Anyone who puts an extra challenge in unnecessarily is just cruel.

this is so very true.

That’s an interesting perspective. It’s true that (as I just posted in fact) you can’t tell by looking at my brother sitting in his car that he is disabled. Perhaps he could be mistaken for a random busybody.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t shout though, although I guess he might have to attract the person’s attention.

A man in a wheelchair certainly has the same responsibility as an able-bodied man to think about how his behaviour might make a woman feel vulnerable.

Most of the stories he has told me have been about arsehole blokes though. Next time I see him I’ll ask if he takes any other factors into account before asking. Like I said, the impression I get is that he rarely makes the wrong call.

Exactly. I may not been in a wheelchair most of the time but my speech is often slurred and I don't like interactions with strangers, particularly if they are confronting me. And I can't shout or even raise my voice as I lose the ability to swallow, so if they are yelling from further along a car park I can only ignore them

Men have my condition (myasthenia ) too. It isn't visible but is hugely disabling and often affects our speech /swallow considerably (and the more we use our muscles the worse they get, so every extra step/conversation puts us at more risk). There are so many invisible conditions that are deeply difficult to live with.

I just think your brother needs to spend time understanding that you can be quite severely disabled without it being at all obvious to the casual observer

You’re not going to say anything otherwise really are you

Sorry, I don’t follow?

That poster has spent more time justifying why it is okay to harangue people parking in BB spaces, who do not appear disabled enough for her, then listening to posters telling her why that behavior is unwelcome, and potentially damaging.

I just think your brother needs to spend time understanding that you can be quite severely disabled without it being at all obvious to the casual observer

Oh he understands that perfectly. He also understands statistics, and the data from his own actual interactions.