To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

[LookAtThatCritter]

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

Could he nap with the toddler (and possibly get a bigger bed in their room there's space).

Well yes I added that one being flippant. I was going to say a wank. Point remains, it isn't HER room, it's theirs
And if the issue is his employment state, his lack of domestic load, or that she feels it's a PA nap, then that's what needs tackling, not the audacity of him wanting to use his own bedroom

You mean the name of work, of course.

Unless you have told him before it was ok, he is showing a complete lack of respect for you and your work.

Tell him you can't concentrate with him there and can he go and do something useful instead. Adults shouldn't need to nap during the day unless they can't sleep at night or have health issues.

Why would she mention it, it's not relevant to the question all she's asking is where should he nap.

The trouble is that symptoms often show years before you're diagnosed with anything, which can include the need for a short nap. So if he says he needs a nap, chances are he really does. I'd just accepted the occasional need for a nap was 'how it is' when I was diagnosed with something and it all suddenly made sense.

I'm very lucky to have a DH who has always been understanding and encouraging when I've told him how annoying I find it that I sometimes do need that nap. It's only ten minutes but he knows that ten minutes makes me ultimately more productive. He's probably more accepting of it than I am, for which I am grateful.

Maybe it's hard manual work.

Not everyone sits on their arse in an office or wfh sitting on their arse.

Could you get a sofa bed downstairs so he can sleep on it with a duvet for his naps?

50 sq metres is a huge living area! A normal 3 bed house is less than 100 sq m

MrsSkylerWhite

Why? It’s his bedroom.
Why can’t OP work in the kitchen, sitting room or - shock, horror, the company building?

OP has explained why and I expect there's a good reason she's WFH and not going into work

OH works from home now and again. Can't imagine going into his work area and having a nap. I suspect it would irritate him!

Anyway OP and her OH have sorted it now

I mean home

I think people should be in their offices if they don't have a suitable space at home which won't infringe on home life

I think WFH is adding to the awful erasure of work/life balance

I'd say the opposite.

A typical commute is probably 1hr each way, so working from home means 10 hours of time each week moved from the "work" side of the scales to the "life" side.

As well as a significant financial saving on travel, lunch, etc. if the person wants to do so could be used to cover the costs of a reduction in working hours, further tipping the scales from "work" to "life"

That's well and good for the worker. What about the impact on everyone else in the household? Sometimes that can outweigh any benefits of WFH. Everyone here is doing much better since my DH went back to the office, and my marriage is much better. DH uses his commute time wisely, so he is not losing any time, rather using it to help his balance.

Mothership4two · Yesterday 23:52
MrsSkylerWhite

Why? It’s his bedroom.
Why can’t OP work in the kitchen, sitting room or - shock, horror, the company building?

OP has explained why and I expect there's a good reason she's WFH and not going into

Home is home. No-one ought to be excluded from any room in their house. If OP wants to work from home she needs an outbuilding. My husband works from home, has since the pandemic, so we adapted. No way would he exclude me from my bedroom during “working hours”. My son in law also works from home so has put an office in the garden (a very small starter home, it takes up half of the outside space).
No-one should be excluded from a room in their home for 8 hours every day!

Eh? What on earth bugs you about someone in an entirely different part of the house having a kip?! I hope you don't live with anyone elderly or with chronic illness, you'd be permanently in a state of high dudgeon 😂

Maybe they hide it given you think it's funny?
I don't tell my colleagues I need to sleep for 2hrs after work in order to be able to cook and shower

Girl you sound like a lovely person to live with, I wonder if your kid(s) will have dictator kinks when they're grown.
Also I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask your hubby to nap on the couch instead. But for your own sake you could look into a separate work space.

I think you need to take up the reason why they can't "adapt" with the OP but I imagine it will be to do with space and cost. I was just answering your question of why OP can't work in the kitchen or sitting room or rather pointing out OP had covered that in the OP.

OP didn't say her DH was "excluded" from the bedroom while she worked, she said she finds him napping then annoying (which I can understand). But it's a moot point now as DH will be using the sofa from now on.

Controlling much?

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/napping

Can you put screens around your desk, like the privacy screens used in offices to divide areas into booths? Presumably you use a headset if on calls, so you can't hear him?

If there's no option of moving your home office, no option of moving the bedroom, I think the only thing you can do is separate it with screens so at least you can't see each other or get distracted by him.

I think it would be very unreasonable to restrict him from using his own bedroom.

Sometimes people agree to things without knowing the reality, are you sure he's still ok with this set up?

This last run of responses is bananas, with a weird tone of antipathy towards earning a living.

Salaries are low in Britain and commuting and childcare costs are high. Rents are also high. So there isn't a lot of spare cash around, and people need to economise. WFH is part of that - and workers from home need to protect their earning capacity. The right to a daytime nap wherever and whenever you feel like it (in every room of the house, from which you should not be excluded, according to one previous poster!) comes second.

It's a hone not an office.Yabu.