To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

[LookAtThatCritter]

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

Why on earth does he need to nap during the day? Only excuses are being aged under 4 or being ill. He’s not trying to sabotage your job is he?

There's a link to a post where the sexes are reversed and the responses are totally different

Including at least 2 on page one which said it led to the breakdown of the marriage!

Work from HOME. It's right there in the name

Also

DFO with the outrage over a nap

It's a completely normal thing for some people. It's part of life in some countries even.

Since the fact he only works part time their is a high chance he does have multiple illnesses.

@Differentstarts - I’m sorry that this is your reality but surely you can recognise that your situation is quite unusual.

But that's not the same. Usually that scenario the person is sitting in shared space asking for quiet or coming out if their office. The op is in a separate space and he has the whole house to nap. Yes it's a home but if this was gender reverse I would still say the full time person trumps the part time with nothing better to do than nap

He's working part time and wants to nap in the room where she is working full time. He's a dickhead.

That's all fine. Having a nap is just weird and rude.

Or he's just a lazy sod.

I have multiple illnesses and often need a nap. I go on the sofa away from DH if he's working in the bedroom.

I think they're a significant amount of people in the world who have illnesses/disabilities which means they need to sleep during the day and I don't think its that unusual

Absolutely this is what I said further up I voted yanbu

It's not. Many people just hope and believe it'll never happen to them. If they're lucky, it won't.

It's not something I wish on anyone. I'm sorry you're there too.

Hmmm. I can see both sides.

I completely disagree with @ThereIsIron :

"I'm struggling to understand why a grown man who doesn't work full time needs a "nap" "

Err I know loads of people who have a nap at weekends. Or a siesta on holiday.

I'm in two minds about this.

You're not unreasonable to find him napping right by your workstation while you work annoying.

But I also don't think it unreasonable for someone to want to nap in their own bed from time to time.

I think you need to have a conversation and suggest some solutions. For example, are there hours when you're less busy and wouldn't mind him napping? Could he nap in your child's bedroom (conscious you may need to change or add a bed). Could he nap on the sofa? Would a new sofa/sofa bed help? Or an armchair bed? Are there any places in your home where you could create an office nook (e.g. by adding a stud wall in an existing room)? Does your employer have an office you can work in occasionally, or could they look at renting a co-working space?

Given you've got a dual purpose room and two adults with competing needs it's time to find a solution that means you can both use your home.

Assuming he does need to nap and doesn't have any obvious medical conditions that make it an inevitably, is your husband okay? Does he need to do anything to sleep better at night (e.g. going to bed earlier or not using screens before bed)? Is he finding his job very stressful etc ? There's nothing wrong with having a nap - I love it - but in the middle of busy family life we can sometimes forget to check in on each other properly. It's always worth seeing if there's something simple that can give him more energy.

The fact he's napping in the day while I'm working would annoy me enough, let alone in the same bloody room. The first time he did it, why didn't you say "wtf are you doing? Bugger off!" (Which is what I'd have said)

My H naps everyday. Just passes out for 30 or 40 mins every day while the DC run around. I find it so annoying. Napping during the day unless you're ill or exhausted - nah.

The world has changed and its not as simple as home is home and work can never be allowed to disrupt that in any way. Not everyone can get a suitable job that allows you to work from the office full time or has a house that has office space. For women with childcare responsibilities jobs that allow WFH are often the most flexible to fit around your family.

I do agree that working from home you should be as considerate as possible and make every effort to create a separate work area but there sometimes have to be compromises for the sake of bringing in an income. Just as if someone works night shifts you might have to make some allowance for them sleeping in the day.

@Differentstarts the OP hasn’t mentioned anything about her DH having a medical condition which means he needs to nap in the day so I think your post is irrelevant.

Yep, I think you are being ridiculously unreasonable. I work from home occasionally and do it at the dining room table (I also deal with very confidential information). Why aren't you able to do that? My DH is absolutely respectful of my privacy when I'm working from home. If I told him he wasn't allowed access to his bedroom when I was working, I'm pretty sure that respect would diminish, and rightly so.

This isn't a DH problem at all.

You need to either get a space that doesn't infringe on your DH's home or you need to stop working remotely.

But op is adamant it isn't about the naps, it's about his presence somewhere she doesn't want him

pikkumyy77 · Today 19:34
OhHelloMiss · Today 19:31
It's his home too

I would prefer to nap on the bed rather than the sofa

He's not doing any thing wrong at all

This is some grade A bullshit.

Why? It’s his bedroom.
Why can’t OP work in the kitchen, sitting room or - shock, horror, the company building?

Well, quite, I was being rather loose with facts 😆

Does that not suggest he's exhausted?