To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

It turned out there were no glasses.

Good luck OP!

@FlexibleFi I don't understand why you haven't reported her for theft. She won't have proof of purchase.

Hope you get them back!

This!
I absolutely could not let her get away with this. She is not your friend if she steals from you.

This 😀 I'm so invested in this @FlexibleFi
Firstly because I want you to get your glasses back and secondly because your so called friend really has acted like a twat and it would be nice to hear of she does the right thing!!!
Keeping my fingers crossed for you 🤞

’Hey Rachel. The Facebook photo is as much evidence as I need that you’ve taken my glasses, that and the fact you tried to remove the photo. I don’t want to fall out over this but I don’t believe you bought them (happy to be proven wrong if you have the receipt and/or bank/credit card statement!). I would appreciate if you would return the glasses by x date or I’ll have no option but to involve the Police’.

Good luck, OP. I can’t stand the ‘oh she’s having a hard time, be nice’ attitude. We’ve all had hard times and I can still honestly say neither I nor any of my friends has done anything like this.

Back once more just to say I really wish you well in whatever you do or don't do, OP. This has been a really sad experience to read about, nevermind for you to go thru, it's horrible when humans - and especially ppl we think are friends - remind us how awful we can all be either through our actions or our comments/observations on other folks' lives. (As a fellow speccy, I'm also still super keen to know what these glasses look like as I'm always on the hunt for fun companies like Vooglam and pretty ones like Lafont.)

Could you have lost them at the wedding venue? I would make sure I had exhausted all other possibilities of where i had been to be certain. If not then I would put it down to experience and feel sorry for her that she has to steal from friends to make herself look more affluent. I would not be socialising with her again and make it obvious that she has broken the trust of friends. Maybe have a quiet word with her if the situation arises and say that if she was a friend and really didn't steal the glasses then she would send you a copy of the receipt to prove it without being asked. In my experience these people are serial liars and will get caught out some other way and be excluded from the group in future. If you haven't seen her for a long time, you don't really know what she's like now and will most certainly turn it back on you to look the bad person. Sorry but I would not forgive or forget but say no more.

I would write the glasses off to experience and the friend ditto.
move on.

I'd leave the WhatsApp group. They will get a notification "X has left the group" and they will all know why.

I can see that posters on this thread have stuck to the usual 'everything is always OP's fault' policy.

You don't get a notification now. Only the group admin does.

My fingers are crossed too, @FlexibleFi - I hope you get your glasses back.

Eurgh. I know how good it feels to get a good new pair of glasses and this has been so tainted for you!

I think she stole OP's glasses because she liked them and didn't need to get the prescription changed, as she was able to see with them just as well as she could with her own.

'Twas ever thus. Disappointing though as I was hoping the OP had come back to say the glasses had been returned, but she probably won't now.

This is awful! What an awful friend to do this. Hope you get them back x

Yep lets just put it down to experience that our friends steal from us. Cos that's just what friends do. Even better if she's having a hard time because then she's only a little bit scummy but not completely scummy. Christ almighty are people really this passive in real life? Friends don't steal from you. Fullstop. People who do steal from you are not your friend. Thieving scum steal from you. Bollocks to her having a hard time. Nothing, absolutely nothing excuses stealing from your friend. What you do is humiliate the fuck out of her, wipe the floor with her to make sure she never steals and her friends again then unceremoniously dump her making sure that everyone knows what she is. No forgiveness. She knew exactly what she was doing and was calculated by purposely waiting until she thought it was all forgotten about then made a fatal mistake exposing herself as a thief. She's a lowlife who knew how expensive they were and has been laughing at OP for weeks now knowing full well she was frantically searching for them everywhere. Who the fuck does that to a friend they care about then gas lights them into thinking they must be mistaken? Destroy her OP. If she's done this to you then its unlikely to be a first offence. Other people in your group need to rethink anything they lost in the past that they thought they had mislaid because she's probably pocketed other things too.

This is someone’s actual real life. And she has had her thread hijacked and dealt with some ridiculous rudeness, including this. How dare you ask someone “so what’s happening” as if you’re entitled to it. You’re not entitled to anything, and the OP has been clear that she no longer wants to go into detail here due to the behaviour of some posters. We come here for support, advice but also a bit of a moan. It’s meant it be nice and lighthearted when things aren’t too serious, but people here have treated the OP with a huge amount of disdain as well as arguing amongst themselves.

Just leave her alone. If she gets her glasses back, she said she’ll pop back to let us know since people have given advice which is nice of her, but you’re not entitled to all the ins and outs. Don’t be so rude.

Great message

I would put that above message on the WhatsApp group.

If I thought that a friend suspected that I had stolen an item from them when I hadn't, I would move heaven and earth to prove my innocence. That fact that 'Rachel' hasn't provided proof she bought the glasses speaks volumes. You have right from the start of this thread made excuses for 'Rachel', while insinuating that OP and her friends are looking down their noses at her.

Late to the party here but the "least dramatic" way to get them back (if you don't want to rock the friendship group boat) is probably to steal them back? So if your friend doesn't retrieve them today, just act cool and bide your time...