To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

“Dear Rachel. I’m going out of my mind iro my missing glasses. I’m sorry to say I find it a coincidence you are wearing the same so please could you put a girls mind at rest and send me your receipt so I can move past this coincidence. My next step is through insurance so will need to file a police report first. Hopefully you understand.”

now send this and come back and update us asap!

Am a bit scared @FlexibleFi is onto me.

Name (tick)
Wear glasses (tick)
Weird prescription (tick)

But, I've not been to a wedding in over 5 years, so I don't think it could be me and, having had glasses stolen before, I'd never do that to someone!

Just to check, @FlexibleFi , are you short sighted in your right or left eye (just to put me at ease)

Right = long, left = short (for me).

WhatsApp group I think

Oh, I like that.

For goodness sake....this is becoming silly now. take the loss of the glasses as cheap if it shows up someone you dont respect or trust. Move on with your life, save up and get another pair.

You might be ok with having £300 stolen from you but most people wouldn't be.

Jesus, I can see the head tilt from here.

300 pounds might be chicken feed to you Lobelia, but for most of us not so much.

You actually don't have proof the girl stole them - there's a high probability yes, and I'd also be hellishly suspicious, but at the moment you're drumming up a witch hunt against someone without actual proof. You may in your heart of hearts absolutely believe she's stolen them and now bluffed her way into a corner that she cant get out of, but at this point short of going to the policestation and laying a charge (and theyd fall around on the floor laughing at your allegations) what can you realistically do - steal them back? So what do you actually want as the outcome of this? For the girl to be shamed and drummed out of the friendship group? For yourself to be labelled a vicious cow who cant let something go and whos lost all the sympathy of her freindship group? It doesnt seem worth it to me, but obviously to the mob on this thread ( who will not have to personally deal with any of the unpleasantness of the fallout from forcing this into some kind of ugly confrontation) it is.

This from someone who has recently bought a cool new pair of specs and owns them! I'd be super, super annoyed. I'm sorry your glasses were stolen, I'm sorry your friend has behaved like your enemy and you are having to navigate the nuanced politics of a whatsapp group to try and get them back. I hope you get them back shortly.

I guess she's between a rock and a hard place. If she admits she stole them, the group won't trust her any more. And if she doesn't produce the evidence, they won't trust her either (but it might take a bit longer). In a way you hold all the cards, but what you want is the glasses!

I'm also sorry this thread got hijacked. Some people need to get out and live their lives for real.

Good luck OP

It might be chicken feed to you but it's not to the majority of us. I certainly wouldn't want to remain friends with someone who stole from me.

I wonder if OP did accidentally forget them at the house and Rachel picked them up and has justified it to herself as a finders keepers / if she really wanted them she wouldn't have left them etc.
Obviously still theft and I'm not justifying her behaviour, but it could explain it as more of a moment of madness than a premeditated theft by someone you thought you could trust around your stuff.

I would give her an easy out. Say on the group that you still haven't found them and you really hope they turn up somewhere, the frame number is registered and previously when you left them in a restaurant the serial number was checked and they were just posted back to you in a plain box. You might find that they mysteriously turn up.

Meh

Lobelia I was reading this all agog and then you threw mob in.

Personally I'm on the side of the person sinned against rather than the Sinner. In court Rachel wouldn't be found guilty but this is real life and Rachel Dunnit.

You're worried about it ruining the friendship group but what kind of friend steals then lies about it?
No thanks. I'd tell her you're reporting it, and reporting her specifically if she doesn't give them back. She stole something expensive.

Maybe she brought yours back and got a size 6

I imagine OP wants the outcome to be that she has her glasses returned to her and Rachel apologises.
Why would she (OP) be labelled a « vicious cow »?? Quite the opposite, if she let this go she might be labelled an easy target by Rachel, wouldn’t she?

Honestly OP keep quiet until you get them back. I had a thread about the behaviour of one of my friends and ended up getting a private message from a journalist from an online news site informing me they were running the story and asked me to comment, so I had to ask MNHQ to remove. You don't want this story doing rounds anywhere she might see it if it may cause her to refuse.

It is used in industry access the world PAX is passenger, We use TIX and CUX for tickets and customer. There are many more examples!

I really hope you manage to sort this out @FlexibleFi. It’s a truly awful issue for you to have to contend with as it’s not just a straightforward case of theft but of betrayal and gaslighting too.

Am looking forward to the resolution update, I have everything crossed for you!

Just meet up and if she’s wearing them grab them - dont actually touch her just swiftly take your glasses back

Asking for a claim of assault and theft .. or at least a threat of it ...

Being able to prove their your glasses would only solve half of that

I have to know how this ends!

cannot believe she nicked your glasses.

this is not OK and no having mates like her (and others who accept her behaviour) is not normal.

@FlexibleFi i could not let this go - I'd HAVE to find out for sure.

I wonder what else she's stolen if she's confident enough to steal something worth £300 from a friend?

Having a thief as a friend is awful, and you'll never trust her again.

I don't spend much on myself and would be gutted that my 'treat' to myself had gone missing. Being stolen by a friend would be unforgivable IMHO.
I mean you don't KNOW they've been stolen, so I might let it go if the friendship was worth saving.

Hmmmm..........would it be possible for her to have taken your size 5 shoes to where you bought them from, (assuming the name of the retailer, whether "bricks and mortar" or online, was visible on the shoes), and exchanged them for a size 6? And without a receipt?
Seems unlikely, but it's also a huge coincidence that your shoes disappeared, never to be found, after the woman had been in your house, and then you see her wearing identical shoes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bins!
My dad used to use that expression..
I too hope OP gets her specs back.

No one likes a tea leaf.