To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

Still nothing? Did Joanne get hold of Rachel over the weekend?!

This is an example where bad behaviour should have been nipped in the bud right away at day one. I've only ever seen friends borrow another's reading glasses when asking to and it's been cheap off-the-counter ones at that. If you need glasses, you bring your own and certainly don't keep helping yourself to someone's expensive property, property that is also quite easy to break.... Most folk wouldn't dream of taking them once ( never mind frequently) and her cheek should have been called out straight away for what it was.
You were FAR more polite than I'd have been but I imagine you didnt want to spoil the atmosphere. Lots of people don't like confrontation and lots will take advantage of their 'niceness' so different tactics can help. E.g. If you had tried to keep them more secure - perhaps you did - and known e.g. if she had to open up your handbag to get them, that would have been the time to call out her cheek as that's just unacceptable. If they were left lying about perhaps she didnt get their value or importance - and I'd emphasise Im.not blaming you as you shouldnt have had to - but clearly there was a problem with her behaviour. It needed an assertive response and a strong message or being more canny.
Not doing so let her think you're a soft touch and she stepped it up a gear by taking them. I'd be saying to her that if she can't explain the picture then I'd be contacting the police - giving a deadline. Last chance for her and point out a criminal record will really mess up her financial position/ job prospects etc.

Yeah sorry OP, I did forget that. But also I'd have gone back directly after the photo incident and not allowed someone else to intervene.

I did. From my first post...
I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne.

For those asking about updates, please use the See all facility (in blue, bottom right corner of my posts).

Would love to see this thread without all the derailing comments!

Good luck OP, from one glasses wearer to another

There isn't really much of an update though because you've not told us what happened, only that you hope to get them back but don't know if you will. Have you confronted her?

Thank you. Fingers crossed.

Hope you get them back OP. A friend of mine admired a jumper of mine while we were on holiday. When I got home I was missing and said how annoyed I was to my friend that I'd forgotten and must have left in my hotel room. Months later was at her house and there's a photo of her wearing my jumper. It was definitely mine - quite unique and irreplaceable. I still smart about 20 years later but I didn't have the balls to confront her.

Let us know how you get on please!

@FlexibleFi I don't think you need to go into any details, whys or wherefores, I really hope you get your glasses back. £300 is a very significant amount of money to be out of pocket even without the inconvenience and the future mistrust of a (former) friend.

I've worded my posts carefully I think, but also said on the balance of probability, I'd have considered the now deleted photograph to be circumstantial evidence, let alone the response you got.

Please do update with the final resolution and fingers crossed for you.

Hope you get your glasses back!

I have my fingers crossed for you OP!

You know that an optician can test your glasses to see what the prescription is? She can say she’s lost her receipt but can she confidently say what prescription the glasses are and get a confirmation from her optician saying she’s got that exact prescription?

I would absolutely be prepared to blow this up by calling the police but I’d also give her a warning that I was planning to do so and give her the chance to prevent it

I am sick of certain people (Destructotwat) on MN trying to justify 'Rachel' stealing a pair of glasses from OP, the cost of which is irrelevant. 'Rachel' is supposed to be a friend of OP's and the rest of this group, they need to think carefully about inviting her to any other events in case they have any other items she takes a fancy to. If, in the unlikely chance 'Rachel' didn't nick OP's glasses, why has she not provided proof, a receipt and a prescription from her opticians?

Fi, another one here adding my good wishes, everything crossed you get them back.

They sound very fancy!

Good luck Hope to hear good news when you have it

Would you not have to keep at least a digital receipt in case you need it for insurance?

They're not that fancy in the great scale of things, but they're fancy to me. Thank you for your kind wishes.

Hoping you get them back.

Incidentally, I have never seen "specs" written as "spex" before.

Good luck OP. 🤓

I started out working for a media company where pics were pix and sound effects were sfx and so on. I'm afraid it's just a bad habit I've picked up, turning any word that ends in cs to x. Apologies to any purists who hate it.

🤞🏻 for you getting your bins back

Definitely come back and update us! Ignore all those who are defending her. Seems like they are the sort who would steal from a friend.

I have never attempted to justify theft - if you actually read my posts you would know that. Quite the contrary, it’s precisely because I think theft is so serious, especially theft from a friend which is a total betrayal, that I am inclined to give R the benefit of the doubt until such time as a confession or genuine proof turns up. Until then we don’t know whether the glasses have been stolen or not. I have apologised for my rudeness, which is more than the rest of you have done. So don’t go putting words into my mouth, being downright insulting and then accusing me of trolling?! The way I see it it’s other people on here who have been trolling me because I don’t want to join in the witch hunt. The whole thing has a bit of a ‘Mean Girls’ flavour. If it turns out R is a thief then of course they shouldn’t have anything more to do with her, that is so obvious it goes without saying, but either way the friendship is over so that’s pretty much irrelevant now. Why is it so wrong of me to hope that someone isn't a thief? But I would rather stay out of it now as I would be interested to find out from OP what happens, and I don’t want to put her off posting updates. So please keep your childish insults to yourself, and then I’ll not continue to repeat myself, cos honestly it’s become tiresome for everyone, including myself.

But I would rather stay out of it now as I would be interested to find out from OP what happens, and I don’t want to put her off posting updates.

🙄

So what's happening?

Fingers crossed you get them back. Hoping for a pic if you do!