To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

Christ, this entire thread has been hijacked by the people vs @DestructoCat

Any chance we can drop out the back and forth and get back to general discussion and advice for OP?

🤓

I have been wearing glasses more than 3 decades, bog standard frames (mass produced)from any High Street opticians. Only once in my lifetime I bumped into the person with the same frames.

If Rachel hadn’t stolen the glasses she would have come clean with the receipt/prescription. In lack of any goodwill from her to prove it I’d assume she’s taken them.

Sorry OP but I would decline any future gatherings with Rachel. Heck knows what else she’s going to help herself to from your handbag.

Unfortunately some people even when caught red handed they deny,deny,deny.

The thing really for me is what happens now? I mean yes she's stolen them, but as Jo said, what if she just denies it and says why should she have to prove it?

@FlexibleFi what do you think you'll do? Will the group feel sorry for her? I'm angry on your behalf as it has the potential to split up some good friends.

Yeah sorry OP, I did forget that. But also I'd have gone back directly after the photo incident and not allowed someone else to intervene. And yeah, I'd be making a police report bc I don't care if you're on a 7-figure salary or not, ppl don't get to steal from you.

Really sorry this has dragged on but honestly, make your move with the police report and move on with your life sans that friendship group.

'A cynic is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.'

True friendship is priceless.

I agree that true friendship is priceless. I also agree about people who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing, but I'm not sure who it's being applied to here, presumably Rachel?

@FlexibleFi presents a dilemma I don't know how to solve.

Circumstantially I would say that Rachel has helped herself to the glasses, but proving it is well nigh impossible. Even if the OP's pair had some kind of identifying mark, getting hold of them and revealing it, is unlikely to happen, although a true friend would have immediately responded to the initial enquiry with 'oh crikey, yes, I accidentally gathered them up when packing, how would you like them returned to you?' or, 'I'm sorry yours have gone missing, I splashed out as I liked them so much, look, here's the receipt, they were from xyz. Hope yours turn up'

Either of those responses would have smoothed things over and resolved the problem, albeit that everyone might be wary around their possessions and Rachel in the future.

The response to date, however, has soured the friendship and I can't imagine there's a way back from it. There wouldn't be for me, I'd always have my doubts while the situation's being stonewalled.

Could Rachel be in need of help after her breakup? Was this presumed theft totally out of character? Just a thought.

I agree.
Fi will never trust Rachel again unless she can provide receipts.
Rachel will know that Fi thinks she's capable of this and the friendship will sour
If Fi can't provide receipts or backtracks and says they're Fi's glasses, she's in all probability a thief and a liar, and trust has gone in the friendship.
The rest of the group will take sides and op will learn who her real friends are

With a bit of padding it could make an interesting play. Obviously both characters would get a marvellous backstory and the audience would take sides depending on their own particular bias.

Eventually it will be on a syllabus somewhere as an interesting study in human nature.

Indeed.

That's what I was getting at earlier, the dynamics of the group.

I honestly don't know what I'd do. Head says inform police with screenshot but in reality I wouldn't.

I still think I'd contact her myself with the screenshot and ask her to return them, Jo might have good intentions but hedge round it, OP could be more blunt and then it would be kept between the two of them and avoiding the group unpleasantness.

Of course Rachel could then play the victim and Fi's the bad guy once again.

It's horrid how such a small thing like a pair of specs can have such far reaching effects

It's horrid how such a small thing like a pair of specs can have such far reaching effects

Spectacles are important , some people can't work or drive without them. What sort of person would take something so vital to a friend?

Hmm, I would say stealing £300 off your friend isn’t “a small thing” regardless of what the item is!

I know some people on MN like to pretend it’s gauche to notice the loss of £300, but back in the real world…

The only thing I would like to point out is that Rachel, when responding to the original message, may well have been unaware that she was being accused of theft. If I bought something which was identical to a friend’s and was then asked, ‘are those mine?’ I would assume the usual trust that goes with any friendship. I would say, as Rachel did, that I didn’t pick up her glasses by mistake, I bought my own. And because it’s a friend I would expect to be trusted without having to produce documentation as evidence.

Rachel is probably thinking as you all don't meet in person very often she's safe enough to keep stchum, and all will be forgotten next time you're all together.

I would feel so angry I would report it and let the cards fall where they may.

She hasn't given a fiddlers fuck about the fact that you need them. If by the squillionth small chance she produces a receipt you will have to eat humble pie, but that's not happening in my opinion.

Absolutely. It will get boring very quickly as almost everyone is just joining the lynch mob. But honestly I’m getting bored of explaining myself repeatedly to folk who clearly can’t or won’t understand what I’m talking about! I am not referring to yourself. I am happy to have a discussion with someone who has a different opinion (which seems to be an unusual stance on here) but I was just about to answer a post from someone who was ostensibly replying to me, although they clearly hadn’t read a single word I’ve written! I just thought to myself, why am I bothering? It’s not that they disagree, they don’t even know why they disagree! The entire post made absolutely no sense - it’s crazy 🤦‍♀️😂

This. Without my glasses I can't work or drive. Rachel can't read without glasses, did she bring any on holiday? I never leave home without mine.

The beyond a reasonable doubt standard applies only to the courtroom for accused at risk of losing their physical liberty. In your everyday life, you should being making much less rigorous judgments about people and whether they are honest, dangerous, etc. Otherwise, we'd be taken advantage of all the time.

You're right. I worded that very poorly.

What I meant was its a shame that such a stupid and wicked decision on Rachel's part, to steal a pair of glasses, will possibly have a big knock on effect on the whole group.

I certainly agree that 300 pounds and the fact they are needed to see is very important!

Hope I've clarified properly.

If you don't fancy the police route, how about the small claims court?

Oh I was agreeing with you!

https://www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money/make-claim

"You can apply to a county court to claim money you’re owed by a person or business.

This is known as making a court claim. It often used to be known as taking someone to a ‘small claims court’."

Isn't this for money owed? Not for a personal item that has been allegedly stolen?

I was working off this in the OP

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please.

I don't think that leaves room for any doubt that @FlexibleFi thinks the particular glasses seen in the screenshot belong to her, but at that stage phrased it that they'd been mistakenly gathered up, rather than taken deliberately, leaving room for the response I hypothesised.

I have witnessed a similar situation when staying at a resort type hotel with my in-laws. I mean resort type in that people rarely left the estate, so you would see the same people around and about daily. FIL couldn't find a particular, quite distinctive, tee shirt and then kept seeing it worn by a young teenager. It was identical but it seemed so odd that someone with such an age difference would a. want it and b. be brazen enough to keep wearing it around the place. There were several days of consternation, but FIL did nothing about it, except moan.

That was lucky because Fil's actual shirt somehow turned up when unpacking back home. No idea what happened, maybe it was on a hanger underneath something else. Who knows.

The odd thing with spectacles though is the prescription however slight, measured to fit the OP's eyes and to deal with her astigmatism. Knowing they're a prescription pair, as opposed to a mild + or - pair off the shelf makes it all the more strange that anyone would take them. Unless of course a person doing that had no knowledge of how prescriptions work.

I agree, the whole thing is very odd - maybe that’s why we are all so fascinated? But regardless of the item itself, the whole issue of what to do when you think someone has stolen from you but there’s no real proof is interesting in itself. I have been thoroughly battered for having the temerity to point out R might be innocent, so be careful. It’s guilty until proven innocent on here! 😂

It's a long thread so I could be misremembering, but re the prescription, I think OP said Rachel remarked when she kept using them that they suited her eyes ok.

If she needed glasses to read surely she had a pair of her own with her?

I mean I think just randomly using them willy nilly without asking is a bit CF.

If they were a group that regularly met she may have thought twice about pilfering them, but didn't think that a random photo would pop up on Facebook.

If someone had taken £300 in cash from a purse would people think that was okay? So why do some people think that taking a pair of £300 prescription glasses is no big deal?

I've explained previously that I don't need glasses to drive or generally, My prescription is weak and my astigmatism is minor. But my job often involves a lot of careful reading, sometime involving small print, and I use reading glasses to enable me to work without causing eyestrain — particularly as I sometimes have to work in locations where lighting is poor.

I've never previously seen Rachel use glasses and she may never have seen me wear spex before because I don't need them in normal social scenarios. I wouldn't take my reading glasses with me to a restaurant or a bar because I can read a menu without them. If Rachel's sight is really anything like mine, as she said when we were sharing accommodation at the wedding, then she wouldn't have needed to wear glasses when she was out last week, when the photo was taken. My guess is that she likes the way the glasses look/ the statement they make. So do I, that's why I chose them.

Things are in play and I have my fingers crossed that I'll have my glasses back before long. I'd go into more detail, but because of the trolling I hope people who've been kind enough to offer advice and support will understand that I'm not going to engage. I'll let you know when I know for sure whether I'm getting them back or not.

It's a real shame that OP doesn't feel that she can speak freely on the issue any more, after the absolute pile-on and ensuing back an forth between a few of you.

Talk about ruining a thread for the rest of us.