To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

This whole thread is what happens when someone has an issue with someone else and doesn't speak to them directly and tiptoes around to be polite or nice or whatever.

First off, if someone kept putting my glasses on, I'd ask them to stop and then make sure I was putting them away bc I'd assume the person either was an over-entitled ding dong or possibly neurodivergent to be hyper-fixating on something of mine. Prescription glasses are not accessories.

And then if my glasses (which btw cost more than £300 bc I have astigmatisms and varifocals and believe that something I wear every day for at least 12 hrs for 12-18 months is worth investing in) still went missing & I then saw a photo pop up of someone I knew suddenly wearing glasses similar to mine, I'd call that person directly to say "hey are those my missing glasses". Then take it from there. I wouldn't have a friend intervene because the issue is between me and that other person and we're not in primary school.

But that's just me and my bougie glasses.

You’re right, that was mean. I think I got rather triggered by all of the venom directed at Rachel who’s only provable crime, thus far, seems to be coming from a different background and having a lower income than OP. That isn’t evidence she’s a thief, no matter how many people think it is. We should all know better these days, shouldn’t we?

Once more with feeling!!

You get triggered a lot.

Henry Fonda was much more convincing

👏👏👏

Wow - nothing will please you unless I bend over and agree with your every oh-so-witty utterance, will it? Sorry, but no can do. If you want to discuss the topic at hand then please do so, if not go troll someone else.

Probably the most sensible thing anyone has said so far, and I include myself in that! 👍

You literally said, "As I said, I am not judging anyone for doing any of these things....." (Sat 19:55).

Clearly her friend thought these were her glasses or else why send her a screen shot of them being worn and why was the original taken down?

If OP was just paranoid and saw this picture and decided they must be hers, that is one thing but a 3rd party recons they are the same pair.

Just a suggestion generally, when buying anything that's a bit more money than you would usually pay, or something with sentimental value, use a UV pen to put on your post code or other ID then there is no argument. Also photo showing item with mark visible as for insurance purposes. It would help to remove any doubt and this sort of unpleasantness in the future.

If the op was a millionaire and could easily replace the glasses, she’d still be entitled to get them back and question the future if her friendship. The ops personal circumstances are irrelevant destructocat

No one should want to continue a friendship if they have strong boundaries, with someone they suspect is a thief. The thief might not get convicted in court due to our stringent rules to stop innocent people being wrongly convicted. But this isn’t a court. The evidence is strong, and although there may be a slight, I say slight, element of doubt, no one is obliged to keep a friendship for any reason, let alone a reason as compelling as this.

You said that so much more succinctly than me, cheers for that.

& I then saw a photo pop up of someone I knew suddenly wearing glasses similar to mine, I'd call that person directly to say "hey are those my missing glasses". Then take it from there. I wouldn't have a friend intervene because the issue is between me and that other person and we're not in primary school.

You seem to have forgotten that when I got home and couldn't find my glasses I contacted everyone who'd been in the house I'd stayed in for the wedding and asked them if they'd seen them or had accidentally taken them home. They all, including Rachel, assured me they hadn't. Weeks later, when I was out of the house and couldn't access FB, Joanne spotted the photo on FB and jumped in and intervened. I didn't ask or expect her to intervene.

As for the whole designer thing, if they cost £300 then they off the peg with a brand name, the manufacturers make loads of those, they are hardly unique designer pieces

Um, designer items generally aren't unique.

So where are we up to? Is your friend still trying to contact her, or is she still hiding because she knows she’s been busted?

Hadn't thought of this but another black mark against Rachel, if you contacted her why did she not say she had bought an identical pair?

WHAT THIS HAT? With the plastic fruit, gold brocade and your initials on the brim, nooooo, I bought it as I loved yours so much, oh look over there, a squirrel! (Runs out the door, clutching hat to head and stops answering calls, even though I’m seen wearing it on a night out to a curry house in Bradford). I’m not sure why there’s a back and forth debate about this, they are so bloody obviously OPs glasses she pinched, you have to call people out, if your wrong then apologise, but usually the answer is glaring you in the face!

Ridiculous isn't it? There's just no possible way this is all a bizarre misunderstanding. She even deleted the picture when she realised she had fucked up then wouldn't answer the mutual friends calls or messages. Guilty as flipping sin. I wonder if they have got hold of her yet.

I know it really is, if there comes a day when this woman and OP are sitting around a table, ashamed and embarrassed at the misunderstanding and BOTH wearing their striking, one of a kind designer glasses then I’m a Dutchman, as the saying goes!

I really do think you should contact the police now @FlexibleFi. Tell them she’s stolen your glasses, send them a copy of your receipt and a copy of the screenshot of the glasses rachel in them, and also of your conversation with her. I’d be saying as long as she gives them back you won’t prosecute !

If the glasses are for reading, how can you manage without them? I'm reading stuff all the time and only take them off when I'm watching tv.

@Picklelily99 The OP said she was getting by with her old specs and has ordered another £65 pair to tide her over.

My point exactly 👍 Designers do make one offs, but they are commissioned by people with real wealth. The fact that these are ‘designer’ doesn’t mean Rachel couldn’t buy herself an identical pair, as some people have been suggesting.

Oh I misunderstood!

@FlexibleFi Have you contacted your friend who posted the pic in the first place to ask her to send you a copy, and to find out why she removed it?

Anything man-made has an element of design in it unless it's created by accident.

Aggravates me every time because you pay a premium for nothing more than a name with good pr when wonderful, clever things are made every day by people you will never hear about.

Anyway £300+ is a useful amount of money and even the wealthy people I know wouldn't throw it away unthinkingly, that's how they stay wealthy.
It's also pretty standard for decent glasses and justifiable with cost/wear. The real cost is in low cost production but that's another issue, if your glasses are cheap, ask yourself how they can be produced so cheaply.

'A cynic is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.'

True friendship is priceless.

1. She's thought "stuff it! Everything in my life's pants, I WANT them, I'm HAVING them" and BOUGHT the exact same pair. Then, in her head, the photo shows 'what a saddo she is, copying x, after she called x out for spending so much money!' *it depends on the timeline.
2. She's a thief, who hardly ever sees you, so she doesn't care about stealing from you?