To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

Nah....Imo it's more like 'A Devils Advocate.'

OP do let us know when you have an update, only on here will you get people disecting your life when you post about a pair of stolen specticles😃

You start off as the injured party, and are now a liar, your friend is a stirrer and you have posted to ruin poor Rachel's life.......how very dare you, if it keeps going you will be accused of hiding your own glasses to get poor Rachel chucked out of the group.

The admission of her guilt ŵas her asking for the picture to be removed. Why else would she have ask that?

I don’t care how little she earns and how much you earn.this does not give her the right to steal from you. This would be the end of the friendship for me. I’d be leaving the group if she isn’t removed. And if the others are willing to let this slide, let’s see what she steals from them next.

"She says she never treats herself and the specs were an unusual splurge. But in the same breath she tells us that she bought a new dress and had her hair done for someone else’s wedding, and that she’s off on holiday soon. "

I don't think its all that much of a contradiction.

I'm not sure gearing up for a wedding counts as treating oneself exactly, with so many complaining on here about the costs of attending, its more like an expense you have to go through.

If I know there's a big event coming up, I time my hair visit to the event, as I don't want to turn up with roots and tatty ends. It's nice when it's done, but could be argued that it's a regular routine expense, rather than a treat.
Similarly, she's going on holiday .... in the summer. People plan that months or even a year in advance. It's already booked presumably, so she has to budget for that.
So that is a lot of outgoings in one go. But the new, more expensive glasses were an extra, personal treat and unless she can claim on insurance, it's a lot all at once and more than budgeted for.

I think that's what she meant.
edited for typos

It is how I read it too @DuckbilledSplatterPuff

I’m sure she did. But I don’t consider the hairdresser or new clothes as an essential expense, for millions of people, myself included, it’s absolutely a treat. These things are ‘nice to have’ not ‘must have’. Hence my earlier remarks about OP displaying an entitled attitude. As I said, I am not judging anyone for doing any of these things, but they are absolutely not essential expenses. There are obvious ways of reducing wedding expenditure if money is tight. But that’s really not the point, it’s the attitude, not the expenditure, that I find cringey. OP is blatantly using her friend’s low income as ‘proof’ that she must also be a thief. I think that’s truly disgusting. I get that replacing the spex is an unplanned expenditure, but she has already said they are insured, so that just means paying out the excess. She will still have to do that if it turns out she’s just lost them! But then she’d have to blame herself for the loss, wouldn’t she?

It’s really starting to feel that way on here, simply because I don’t agree with the majority. Some people have been very rude and snidey, then suddenly turned into huffy little Tinkerbells when challenged (I am not referring to you here). If someone makes a better point I have responded saying that I agree. When I have gotten wound up and been genuinely rude then I have apologised. Just like anyone would. But I’m not going to change my mind - I believe reasonable doubt applies in everyday life as well as in court.

😂 Even I wouldn’t accuse her of hiding her own glasses!
Ok, liar was a bit strong. I simply meant that she represented herself a certain way, which she then appeared to contradict. But we all try to represent ourselves as well as possible online. Still think her friend is making things worse by butting in though!

@PreciousMahoney It’s just awful isn’t it? OP starts off with an innocent little post accusing her friend of stealing from her, and now suddenly people are accusing her of all sorts of things - utterly outrageous behaviour! 🧐😂

That's not what happened is it though Destructo.

Op posted about poor Rachel who snaffled her specs ad hoc throughout the weekend without asking. I think that's cheeky of Rachel.

Said specticules go AWOL and OP (who you seem to have some strange grudge against as you've called her some really quite nasty things) asked if anyone has them.

They then appear on a friends Facebook post at the end of Rachel's neb. A friend who wasn't on the weekend and didn't know she was outing Rachel who was browsing a menu.

Everyone in group says oh look there's Fi's glasses that's where they went (the glasses which are not your run of the mill specsavers off the peg jobs but designer)

Now if Rachel is innocent as charged then she would have explained herself knowing how upset her friend Fi was at losing them but instead has stayed stchum on where she bought them.

You keep posting as if you are some gallant spokesman for truth, you keep saying how bitchy everyone is, that you are a lone wolf standing up for truth and justice.

We aren't in courtroom. Noone knows who any of these folk are. If it was actually in court poor Rachel would be found innocent.....but OP has posted for opinions and advice so I am working on probabilities.

Twelve angry Men my arse

Fuck me are you serious 🤣

You've been the huffiest puffyiest feather fluffing poster on here!

Wow! I really would take a backseat and distance myself from anyone that didn’t have my back. If she can steal from you, she will steal from anyone.

So what if she’s had a hard time! So have I and wouldn’t steal of anyone especially a friend.

Anyway I’m a person that hates confrontation so I probably just cut ties in the way of avoiding.

Also if you was to involve the police. Some have said ‘they won’t do anything’ but my best friend got a criminal damage charge for cutting her ex partners phone charger lead (the least he deserved) which caused a lot of problems with her DBS. So who knows.

Really sorry this happened to you 😞

But that's kinda the point ... reasonable doubt says she probably did it 🤔

On the sauce again?

Why should she have to be out of pocket if this other woman has stolen her glasses. If you are going to a wedding it's hardly "entitled" to want to look your best with your hair done and wearing a new outfit.

In one breath you say you are not judging anyone and in the next you are judging her attitude. How outrageous of her for wanting her glasses back.

If this other person is always pleading poverty, asking for taxi fares and help with paying for meals out etc, then where did she get the cash for a £300 pair of glasses?

At the end of the day it is not about the money, it is the principle. The OP said at the beginning that she had only recently got a new job with better pay and treated herself to a good pair of glasses, which she no longer has. It would be lovely all round if she found them at the bottom of her suitcase but the fact that "Racheal" admired them, tried them on and commented that the prescription seemed so right for her and is now wearing an identical pair is a massive coincidence if they are not the same pair.

Occam's razor. OP's glasses have disappeared. Identical glasses appear on Rachel's face, following a meet-up where she would have had ample opportunity to take them. Meanwhile Rachel refuses to produce credit card receipt for the glasses she said she recently purchased.

I know which explanation I'd bet money on.

Cracking film. Don't make them like that anymore.

I am WAY too invested in these flippin' glasses.

#JusticeForTheAstigmatismOne

Me too!!

I have never said that I’m not judging anyone - quite the opposite. We are all judging OP as we only have her version of events. Most people are just taking her at face value, as am I. And of course it’s not entitled to want to look nice - but it is entitled to assume things like new clothes and holidays are not treats but essential expenses. I am absolutely judging OP for using the fact Rachel is poorer and comes from a different background as evidence that she is a thief. That is outrageous.
I’m not even standing up for truth, as another rather person has said. We don’t know the truth. I have repeatedly said Rachel might have stolen them, or she might not. I just think OP is immediately jumping to the worst conclusion based on one screenshot and a whole lot of prejudice, and being told repeatedly that must be right based on precisely nothing is only going to make a bad situation worse. If Rachel did take them then of course she should give them back, but it’s equally possible she didn’t. They are Schrödinger’s Specs!🤓

This.

Add to this another critical fact: photo of Rachel wearing glasses is taken down immediately after someone makes the connection between her wearing the glasses and OPs missing glasses.

It's really not complicated.

Rachel should be able to recognise that this doesn't look good even if it is a set of inconvenient coincidences.

And, if it is the alternative situations other PPs have suggested, she should laugh and clarify the situation for all.

A refusal to do so will only entrench suspicions.

The film was about the principle of reasonable doubt, not about truth. Yes, I have said some nasty things about OP, but you lot have said some nasty things about Rachel, so I guess that balances out. OP has posted for opinions and advice, and my initial response was not to accuse a friend without proof. That’s my opinion and my advice. Happy?
As for the whole designer thing, if they cost £300 then they off the peg with a brand name, the manufacturers make loads of those, they are hardly unique designer pieces. Ray Bans are referred to as ‘designer glasses’ but anyone can buy a pair for 2-3 hundred quid, and right now they have a 50% off summer sale. Of course that’s just an example, but you get the point. I don’t have a grudge against OP, I don’t know her, but I do think going by her posts she seems rather unpleasant. You obviously disagree with that and that’s your opinion. You think it’s Rachel who’s the villain of the piece, and that might very well turn out to be the case. But we don’t know. That is the point.
We also don’t know yet if Rachel has continued to stay quiet, as we haven’t had an update yet. The last we heard was that Jo (the only one in the group who, so we told, think Rachel is a thief - OP hasn’t said a thing about anyone else) is trying to contact Rachel to ask for either the glasses or proof of purchase. Jo hasn’t managed to contact her yet, and as you or someone else said, there can be lots of reasons why a person hasn’t responded immediately. We wait with baited breath to find out what has happened, if anything!

Nope - if I had been drinking I’d be much worse! But that post will make sense if you read the one I was responding to.

Oh, I think you’ve given me a good run for my money 😂 🧚