To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

I've got a horrible feeling that reporting Rachel to the police could blow the friendship group apart and make me look like a complete shit!

Although I would probably stop short of going to the police, frankly FUCK the friendship group if they're not firmly on your side here. Oh, but she's the 'complicated' one, is she? No, she's the low-life, scummy, thieving bastard one. Nothing complicated about it. If Joanne doesn't get your specs back tonight, get round there yourself and face the cheeky fucker down. She's shown nothing but contempt and disrespect for you and your friendship, don't let her away with it.

So revealing what your reading skills and moral priorities are.

someone needs to point out that IF she wants to be included in any other holidays or events, it’s non negotiable - she returns the glasses now and nothing more is said. She has damaged the view that everyone has of her, but let’s move on.

anything other than handing them over immediately means she doesn’t some to anything else ever again. Nobody will trust her again

Definitely, or a CF from the same mould.

Hi thieving friend! 👋🏼

It’s theft no matter how you look at it and whatever the circumstances are. It’s OP’s £300 that she worked for. It’s not what friends do. It’s not what you do to people that are not your friends either. It’s just not on.

What is wrong with you.

You do all realise that the only ‘proof’ of this supposed theft is one pic of this girl wearing similar specs on Facebook which none of us have seen. Everyone is so keen to point their fingers and shout ‘guilty’ when there is no real evidence other than the fact she is poor. Do you now understand what I’m saying here?

No.

Even if we saw the photo it would mean nothing as we don't know the people being discussed.

@FlexibleFi is not accusing the thief because she's poor.

Poor people does not equal thieving.

I do @DestructoCat no way on #god's green earth would I blow up a friendship group over a pair of glasses!! That may potentially have been stolen. I'd go into pennys, buy a paid for 3.99 and then when I got around to it, i'd get a new pair.

I am not Rachel. I am merely someone who doesn’t judge people according to their income. Nor do I go around accusing people of theft with no proof. I find this kind of online lynch mob mentality both disturbing and disgusting.

It’s not about income. It’s simply about someone taking something from a friend because she thinks she is entitled to it.

Ask her to screenshot her credit card statement with the purchase on.

I understand it would be wrong to judge someone or accuse them because they are poor.

We grew up with very little - as did most of my peers. We’d no more have stolen from someone else than we’d have painted them pink and called them Rosie.

But if she’d bought a cheapo dupe, she could prove it easily. If she splashed out on £300 glasses? She isn’t what I would call poor. I’ve known poor.

When I was accused of something I hadn’t done (not theft), I fought to clear my name. Most would be desperate to prove they weren’t a thief or were unjustly blamed.

It would seem they aren’t.

It's not just about the glasses. She stole from her friend and continues to lie about it. It's the complete lack of respect that would end it for me.

With righteous indignation! 😆

This is hilarious! You don't judge people? All of your posts are peppered with inverted snobbery whilst also suggesting that 'poor' Rachel shouldn't be confronted about the glasses because she's 'not rich' like all the other entitled people who are rightfully horrified that a 'friend' would do this.

I would want her ousted from the group. I couldn’t stay friends with someone who stole from me and lied about it.

Well that’s what it sounds like if you read all her posts. Let me ask everyone, if you went away for the weekend to a wedding party and, when you got home found you had lost your reading glasses would you assume:
a) you had put them down somewhere and forgotten to pick them up, or
b) one of your oldest friends who has a lower income must have stolen them?
I think despite all the comments most of us would go with option a!

what do you think? That one member of the friendship group gets to be judge/jury, seeks out justice and everybody in the group sees things her way, that rachel stole her glasses and she had the right to pursue that? You think that is the wisest course of action? You think that everybody in the group will agree that 1) the glasses were in fact stolen, 2) OP had the right to ''smear'' rachel. This may very well be the way it's interpreted. Rachel may swear blind she didn't steal the glasses. And if that results in a lot of bad feeling and awkwardness and injured egos and exclusions, then even the people who believe the OP may still think that she should have just left it. They may think yes her glasses were stolen, but she humiliated rachel et ceter et cetera.

So it's not always just about right from wrong. That's a little bit subjective anyway.

WE'd all handle this differently. Clearly.

I’d think a - if the friend hadn’t suddenly appeared on fb with a picture wearing something very similar and then had it zapped.

Most would.

It isn’t anything to do with being poor.

Everything to do with a friend potentially being light fingered.

If Rachel wanted to prove that she bought her own glasses, she could easily somehow find the receipt, the bank statement or take op to the shop she bought them from. There are many options.

But she didn’t. All she did was to ask to remove a fb photo where she wore them.

Good luck. Do let us know what happens. Really bizarre behaviour!!

I'd lie and tell Rachel you'd marked the glasses somewhere in case you lost them, just so you could prove they were yours. If she's pinched them you might find she's suddenly a bit more reasonable

Hang on, what do you mean that you’re trying to be really grown up about it? What is really grown up about accepting that a “friend” has stolen from you? You don’t need to accept terrible behaviour from another person so as not to make waves.

realist she is not going to return them or admit she took them from you. I think you need to make a claim on your insurance - they were in fact stolen - and then end your friendship with this thief. She stole from you. How awful. I wouldn’t want to know someone like this.