To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

There is absolutely no proof that she stole these bloody glasses! I am not judging OP because she’s rich, but because she accused a friend of stealing and citing that person’s relative poverty as evidence for this alleged crime. I admit that I can be guilty of inverse snobbery, but in this case there is really no need as OP has dropped herself in it! I say relative poverty as £300 really isn’t a lot for designer glasses, so while OP clearly feels privileged, entitled and superior to her so-called friend she obviously isn’t particularly wealthy either.

Not trying to be ''grown up'' just to be grown up, but it's not crazy to think a few chess moves beyond pawn to E4. What happens NEX|T.

How do you think Rachel will react? Will her reaction have no impact on OP's reputation?? NONE? Will everybody side with the OP? What if they don't?

oh, sorry! I thought somebody was accusing me of being grown up! Like it is an insult

Once again, she could easily prove it herself if she wanted to. I know I would.

OP’s friend could have done that. OP wanted the glasses for £300 and saved up for them.

You sound like a very good supportive friend. Your friends are lucky to have you.

although reading through most of the comments from others on the thread - very few people would want to stay friends with a complicated friend who stole from them

You could start calling her "the klepto" on the WA group... I'd get Joanne to send a private message saying they are clearly your glasses and it's embarrassing for the group. If she continues down them bring hers route, I'd get Joanne to say that she needs to a receipt because no one believes her and she's acting like she's been caught out which is even more embarrassing. Even Joanne writing So, Rachel have you given OP her glasses back yet? With your screenshotted pic and some laughing emojis in the WA might be enough. I fear it will damage the group whether you get them back or not...

Why does it matter that shes having a hard time financially??

This is why people get away with shit like this. Others enable them by making excuses for them.

Your 'friend' more than likely stole from you.

Perhaps this is part of the reason she hasn't had much luck with work and finances.

That friendship is well and truly over op.

Demand to see the receipt for the glasses and her opticians prescription, if she genuinely purchased the same pair she should be happy to prove she is not a thief. Friend or not, she has stolen those glasses from you. Why should you claim on your insurance?

@destructocat OP mentioned about the lost glasses to everyone before she saw the pic on social media with the glasses. OPs "friend" was trying them on all holiday. After friend saw OPs message why didn't she immediately say, OP I've gone out and bought the exact same glasses as you just in case you see me in them and think I'm the reason they've disappeared?

Here's a receipt because I know it looks bloody dodgy as hell that I am now the owner of designer glasses I was coveting all weekend which have now gone missing....

I mean it's a MASSIVE coincidence?! Coincidences like that don't happen, and if they do, she can easily prove it and should want to because it looks like she's nicked them. 😅

I say this as someone who can't afford £300 glasses and has had to access jobseekers hardship funds to buy clothes for a job interview in the past.

If you let my spex go now that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will….. fuck that won’t work I won’t be able to see you.

This is a good idea they haven't been lost as they weren't left behind so you will have to have a crime number to claim for them and give her the opportunity to 'find' them.

I do think the friendship is over if you can't trust her though.

The OP and at least one other friend think Rachel stole the glasses and is lying about it. My responses are based on that being true. I've made it perfectly clear what I think. What I DON'T think is that anyone - much less a friend - should act with contempt and disrespect and not be robustly challenged because 'bad feelings and awkwardness'.

But then, we'd all handle this differently. Clearly.

This so called friend is a thief and a liar, nobody in their right mind would want to be associated with someone like that.

As a poor person who has always been poor and will almost certainly remain always poor due to career choice, I'm somewhat perturbed and disgusted that your friend group (and you?) seem to be making allowances for thieving just due to being poor... Not even starving, broken poor either; just 'a bit skint' poor. Do you think they just presume all poor people are likely thieves? Or that not being able to afford a meal out and a taxi and a harder life than some means it's ok to rob people who trust you? Or, well, what?! Honestly, views like that shit are why I feel on edge and don't really trust people with easy finances. You sometimes suspect people just presume you're scum, then you read things like this and realise you're probably right rather than paranoid.

Your friend is just a grifter. Someone who goes out for meals and can't pay their share, or comes out but begs taxi money is just a wanker. They might be poor, but that's not why those choices are made. Now she's a grifter and a thief and the rest of your friends think it's all fine because she has problems? You need new friends. I'd fuck the whole lot of them off.

Noones got pitchforks out, Rachel's stolen OPs glasses and people are rightly indignant on OPs behalf since if it wasn't the case Rachel would not be so unsympathetic to OP losing a treasured item and reassure her with a receipt that she has coincidentally bought the exact same pair of glasses she has lost.

Its absolutley batshit you can't see OPs point of view here. 😅

I agree it seems rum but you don’t know for a fact she nicked them. How embarrassing it would be if you demanded a receipt from her, then for instance your specs turned up….she can’t confess and apologise if she didn’t do it….

You know you can’t not tell us what happens right? 😀

Oh the irony.

Using the Karen insult.

I am sure that every single poster who thinks Rachel is a thief would apologise if she is not. But we all know she is.

🤣

@Evasmissingletter 😂

Jo sounds like a bit of a stirrer. Just to be clear, when you say Rachel is from a ‘challenging background’ we’re assuming you mean poverty, is that right? I just want to be sure we aren’t talking about disability, ethnicity or abuse? Either way it sounds like whatever it is you assume her background is evidence that she is more likely than not to steal from you?

@Evasmissingletter 🤣

But she bought the exact same pair that OP lost, why didn't she say something after OP asked everyone if they'd got her glasses before the social media drama happened? If she genuinely went out and bought the same glasses OP lost, she must have realised how bad that would look? (And obviously did since she asked a friend to take down SM posts of her wearing them)

Why didn't she say "hey OP, I know you've lost those glasses, but wanted to give you a heads up I bought the exact same pair, didn't want you thinking I was the reason they'd gone walkies." And then send a screenshot of receipt or bank transaction.