To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

Then it is the prescription that will show whose glasses they are. This can be checked easily by an optometrist

There really is no way you can prove they are your glasses. There’s no way of knowing if she took them, and no way of getting them off her other than grabbing them off her face and running away! Of course it is entirely possible she splashed out to treat herself and you just left your glasses in your hotel room. I’d say give the person you describe as a friend the benefit of the doubt. I can’t think that you and the rest of your pals are very good friends to have if your first assumption is that this lady stole from you. Talk about kicking someone while they’re down! As she is having financial issues is she longer good enough for you? You are being rather bigoted in assuming because she’s poor she must be a thief. Put in an insurance claim, enjoy your holiday, I don’t suppose your friend can afford one at the moment. And stop being so self righteous and entitled. You are being unreasonable.

The problem with getting a duplicate receipt is that its a bit of a faff to ring the opticians etc (she will claim) and she can prevaricate and say ‘oh, I’ve been too busy’ or ‘oh they were shut when i got around to ringing them” ad infinitum. I would ask her for the screen shot of her internet banking showing the transaction. So much easier and, with online banking, its literally in her pocket. All she has do to is whip out her phone. If she tries to put this off then everyone really has their answer….

Get your glasses back! YANBU

Says in OP that they had the same prescription.

Definitely this!

Please can you keep us updated O.P?

I really hope you get your glasses back!

She is no friend at all, she is a thief, pure and simple. Also to those saying you can afford to buy another pair, a) O.P has explained why she can't really and b) why on earth should she!! Even if she won the lottery tomorrow, it's the principle!

Good luck O.P!

I have read your other post and, frankly, you and Joanne sound like appalling people. From what you have said it sounds as though you have looked down on Rachel for years, while pretending to be a friend. You sound like a complete snob. Frankly I hope Rachel did steal your glasses!

@DestructoCat What a mean thing to say.

@FlexibleFi i can’t believe the cheek of the girl. Obviously one of life’s takers

Whatever you decide, be glad they are replaceable. My, so called, friend at college took my autograph book to write something in, then dropped out of the course and cut off all contact. It was full of memories of lovely friends and family members and utterly irreplaceable. I wrote to her and asked for it back but never got a reply - she probably binned it. This was late 80's so no Social Media.

Fingers crossed for you!

Do nothing. It won't be worth it. If you have mutual friends, let it go. Advice from an older woman.

In 20years time you won't care about the glasses but you might find yourself excluded from various events because you will be the one perceived to have made trouble.

Definitely log with the police. It's theft! They can sweep for fingerprints (?). Tell her you'll have the police show up to fingerprint them? Or see if your DNA is on them? Not sure if they would do that, but it's bloody theft! You worked hard for those. It doesn't matter the cost, or the item - It's the morals!

Yep, what a trouble maker for being upset she's been stolen from. Maybe op could offer for Rachel to have a poke around her house in case she sees something else to take?

Wow, what a cheeky so and so, she obviously wouldn’t have gone and bought the same pair as she kept teasing you about how much you spent on them.

I hate thieves and liars and this cheeky cow sounds like both. Hope you can get your glasses back.

I've just come across this thread @FlexibleFi and I feel so sorry for you. It's bonkers! I absolutely hate cheekyfuckery and this is CF on a whole new level. It's just a flagrant disregard and disrespect really and I think you know, irrespective of group dynamics, that Rachel is no friend. You just don't do this kind of thing to people, let alone your friends.

And I wouldn't let it lie. I can understand the desire to in order to keep the peace etc and I am both in admiration/simultaneously appalled that you think this is a 'sign' from Rachel or a cry for help. It's not. Rachel is an entitled, jealous thief who has decided to help herself to something of yours that you have worked hard for and are proud of.

I'm not sure Joanne is going to get very far but I sincerely doubt Rachel spent £300 in cash on a pair of new frames. There has got be a paper trail through online banking, card statement, optician account or what have you and I would want to see proof of purchase......which is not going to materialise.

Another option is to ask a solicitor friend to write that letter for you. I know you want to keep the peace but you're all grown ups. You can still remain in the WhatsApp and simply block her so you don't have to have any communication with her again. I think you know you need to get to the bottom of it and, in all honesty, I doubt you'll ever see your glasses again unfortunately but I would still pursue it.

If she doesnt have the receipt, she would be able to show a card payment ie line of her banking app to show a payment
£300 to Specsavers, for example

I mean shes lying, we all know she is, however your evidence is circumstantial and she clearly wants the glasses more than she does you (as a friend)

It's not worth it though @DoreenonTill8 when I was 30, a friend's awful boyfriend came on to me, but in a really rough way. I told her sister, who told her. 20 years later I'm still being excluded from events our mutual friend arranges, she isn't comfortable around me, so although we all used to meet up, now it's turned out that the big group gets together without me, and I'm in touch with the one who isn't a sister of the former friend.

I should have done nothing. But I didn't want her to marry a jackass.

This is over a pair of glasses!? Have a bit of wisdom.

I agree with others. Call police, report as stolen, ask them to ask her for proof of purchase, she’d have an email receipt or even amount coming out on bank statement for that amount!!
I would give Joanne the chance to get them back first and I’d tell her to say that you’re planning on reporting to police!
It’s all very well saying ‘claim on your insurance’ but what is your excess? I believe my excess is £350 so I couldn’t claim for something worth £300 anyway!
if yours is even £150 then you’ll have to find that amount still from your own pocket!
I also would have no more to do with this thief!… what a cheek!!

Nothing to lose by reporting her for theft. She has fucked up the friendship anyway. If others side with her you know where you stand with them. Or next meet up take someone's handbag and say you thought that's how the group rolled nowadays..

So sad you don't see you did the right thing. @FlexibleFi is also doing the right thing. Surly if you have a child you'd bring them up to know right from wrong? Why let and adult do wrong with no consequences.

The holiday has been tainted by the likelihood that she stole a £300 pair of glasses from you. Accept the friendship is over which is her fault not yours. Now be as aggressive as you need to be to get your glasses back.

Wow - she’s the one accusing one of her oldest friends of being a thief and I’m the mean one? Maybe reread your casual comments about her background, finances and career etc and then maybe you’ll understand why I find your attitude both revealing and revolting. Or maybe you won’t. But your comments stink of privilege and prejudice - I apologise for being rude but it just got my back up.

Rachel has entered the chat!