To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

I was away for a weekend with a couple of other girls.
We had a bathroom outside the shared bedroom down some steps.
When I had had my shower I was walking back up the stairs.
Another girl was walking down and had my handbag under her towel. Hidden in my opinion but luckily I spotted it.
I asked her what she was doing with my handbag.
She got flustered and said "Oh do I ? I thought it was mine ."
Her handbag was nothing like mine.
It put a bit of a dampener on the weekend for me.
I told the other girl with us what had happened ( I was much closer to her ) but I think she thought it was a genuine mistake.
I faded out of the friendships.

Thing is OP isn't the one who gets to decide who is cut out of the group.
Group members may decide to cut out OP instead for trouble making when there isn't clear proof Rachel stole the glasses.

It's absolutely clear that she stole them. June to July, would she even have had time for an eye test, to order the frames and have the glasses made up and fitted?
If group members decide to cut OP out of the group for claiming her specs back (what a thing to steal!) then that's no group she would want around her.
'Take one for the team, OP, she's having a bad time...'

I think you probably won't get them back and will have to claim as if they'd been stolen and you didn't know who the thief was.

I wouldn't be able to leave it though. I'd be very upfront that you don't believe she bought them, and won't unless you can see evidence such as a receipt. Say you will inform the police and do, though I doubt they'll do much, but it might scare her into giving them back.

You can't force the group to exclude her, but you can be completely open that she stole your glasses, and bring it up every time there's a suggestion of being anywhere she could steal from someone again.

They're prescription glasses. One eye is very slightly short-sighted, the other slightly long-sighted and I have a slight astigmatism. For ordinary life my sight is fine — I don't need spex to drive or anything, but my job involves a lot of intense reading and computer work and I found that at the end of a long day, particularly in poor light conditions, my eyes felt strained. So I've had a reading/ computer prescription for a few years now.

Joanne is going to speak to Rachel this evening. They live within hitting distance of each other (I'm 170 miles away) and she's going to try and arrange to meet up this weekend and, if things go well, collect my glasses away with her. She plans to offer a 'this has all been a really weird mistake' route for Rachel to get out of the situation. Jo sees more of Rachel and knows her better than I do, so I trust her to know best how to handle this.

Nothing to add that hasn't already said but oh my goodness OP, what a cheeky mare Rachel is!!

she also says she has financcial problems but has bougt a 300 pair of glases-ok

either way i think your friendship is over doesnt sound like you see much of them if the restwant to be friends with a thief let them

Well whatever happens, you are now aware she is a thief or prone to accidentally picking things up that don’t belong to her.

And act accordingly.

Agreed. If Joanne is willing to step in and help you get them back then I'd go down that route. I doubt she will relent as that would mean her admitting she'd stolen stuff from a friend. At least she will know that several people know what she did and think it's horrible behaviour. I wouldn't want to be friends with her after this.

WOW!. what a thief!

I'd give her 7 days to return them or report the matter to the police. As others have said, you need a crime number for the insurance usually. And I'd post the message on the group chat.

But maybe see what the other friend can achieve first. I would never trust her again nor wish to maintain the friendship.

Joanne sounds like a good friend to have. See how she gets on but I'm not sure how she is going to ask Rachel about it without basically accusing her.
Hopefully you can continue to be friends with the group but I woudnt' want anything else to do with Rachel.

I'm surprised at that. Insurance premiums have risen lately anyway but unless she's had more than 1 non fault claim in 3 years or her ncb wasn't protected, I don't know why it would rise so much & I'd be asking them!

The fact that she asked for the picture to be taken down pretty much affirms her guilt.

If you knew full well they were yours, you'd just be laughing about it and probably happy to prove they were yours.

Getting the photos deleted off FB makes it look more suspicious.

No she won't have to lie. She can say they were stolen. Which they were.

Friendship over.

I'm not being funny @FlexibleFi and I know this sounds a tad dramatic, but as a few others have said, report this to the police. It's theft!

Don't even warn her - as she will hide the glasses or something. Keep the printscreen of her with the glasses on. Good luck!

What a cheeky fecker, STEALING your glasses - and then having the temerity to wear them and put a picture of her wearing them - on Facebook.

I would be prepared to blow the friendship group apart op. People can pick a side - with a thief or with someone who was wronged. Even if the glasses were 30, that would never justify being stolen from. Who cares about her relationship problems, maybe that's why she's having them for being a shitty person!

I did wonder too, if some of her pervasive life problems could be due to her behaviour and attitude.

I've recently got my first pair of Designer specs after years of Specsavers basic frames. I would be absolutely furious if a 'friend' took them. It's pretty obvious she's taken them after the Facebook picture being removed. I think I'd be that mad i would drive the 170 miles for a surprise visit to said friend to get them back.

If she has taken your glasses do you intend on carrying on the friendship?

That’s disgusting. It always baffles me how people get away with this shit without losing all their friends. I swear to god, if I did something like this no one would ever speak to me again! And that seems fair enough! But so many people seem to be supported in being thoroughly awful people. Does my head in.

That's such an odd thing to do. I hope she returns them to you.

Hope you get them back Op.

Jeez - it pisses me off actually that ‘being hard up’ or ‘having a hard time’ is seen as an excuse to steal something from a friend!
it’s just so wrong of her. I have been poor and sad plenty of times and never stolen from anyone let alone a friend!!

The optician can print out a duplicate receipt if she's lost the original. I recently got a copy to so I could claim a contribution towards my specs from work.