To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

No, since you already went on about how much she loved them.

She wouldn't haven't stolen them if she didn't like them.

You can't prove she stole them so you can't do anything other than, as someone suggested, invite them out somewhere and steal them back. But if it turns out she did buy them then that just makes you the thief.

But also it was weird you were all trying on your glasses. It removes the temptation a bit if you don't let other people try on your things.

Next time you see her, be quite pointed about moving valuables away etc.

I’d be doing this. With a bloody great handful of padlocks and a flourish.

This sort of happened to me with a friend

I was at Uni and about to do my makeup and noticed stuff missing, one item was a custom Prescriptives foundation so made to my shade. I asked the cleaner to open my friends room and it was all in there, so took it back

Kind of forgave that as it didn't happen again and wasn't sure if it was a prank. Moved into my own house and then noticed stuff going. Fake tan set, a cd, a dvd etc
Final straw was I had a MAC concealer and it was marked on the bottom as I took it away and so scratched a symbol on the bottom so knew it was mine

When she was in the toilet one day I opened her makeup bag to find my concealer

If she's only just bought them surely she'll have the receipt or can find it on her bank statement.

Or you could play devil's advocate, tell her that you bought them at such and such shop (a shop that doesn't sell them), ask her if she got hers there and if she says yes you'll have proof that she's lying.

Good suggestions here!

I would say on the group chat that you've already reported them lost to the police already and that as they're expensive they're chipped so they might be found and sent back to you by the chip company, last time that happened they just turned up in bubblewrap in a plain cardboard box with no documentation so it was a lovely surprise.
Assuming she knows your address, that gives her an out to just post them back quietly and you can both pretend it was the fictional chip company.

You could also contact her and say that your insurance do like for like replacement but they're struggling to find the same frames, would she mind letting you know where she got hers so your insurance company can source the replacement for you.

The friendship group not wanting to rock the boat makes it a boat I wouldn't want to be in.

She can either prove she bought hers or she's a thief.
Once a thief always a thief.

This would be real simple to sort out. She sends the screenshot/picture of her receipt for her glasses.

A friend would understand why this was being asked of them, after her spending a holiday using the same glasses of yours and then said glasses disappearing. I'd have already sent you proof I didn't take yours without anyone even asking for it.

You won't get proof though, for the same reason she had the person take the picture down. Your 'friend' stole from you. The fact that none of you want to kick off about this is what I don't understand. She's horrid!

This is a really good message to send. £300 is a lot to lose and there’s no way you’ll ever relax and be comfortable in her company again anyway.

I'm a bit confused now - are these actual prescription glasses?

I know it would be super rare for one pair of prescription ones to work for someone else.

If you want a cheapy replacement pair- and your presciption is simple .. go for 'googles for you'

I’m guessing you don’t live nearby and so can’t pop round unexpectedly to see if they are lying around in her house.

Agreed. @missmousemouth's message is kind but direct and far, far healthier than some of the mad, passive-aggressive, Scooby Gang suggestions made on this thread.

Readers are different though, tend to be far more generic - this is why you can buy them off the rack easily. Most people start at a +.5, then you move on to +1 etc as you get a bit older.

Trying on others glasses isn't weird.

I'm short sighted with a different prescription from my siblings and friends. Some of us have the same shaped face so we try on each others glasses to see if the frame style suits us.

My own DD and others I know are long sighted - type of people who need reading glasses but too young for it.

Some people have glasses whether long sighted or short sighted that cost £200+ so I would be absolutely horrified if anyone stole another person's pair of prescription glasses. In lots of our glasses each eye has a slightly different prescription so anyone stealing it would be damaging their eye sight.

Why do people do this?

I was going to suggest that one of your friends (not you) went to visit Rachel, and took the glasses when she left. Presumably, if they're reading glasses, Rache won't be wearing them all the time?

I used to be extremely short-sighted (not since my cataract operation) and used to let people try my glasses, so they could see how bad my sight was.

Because they never learnt as a child that you can't always have the same things as someone else and it's OK.

My friends got people to try on their glasses to see how bad their eye sight was found it didn't work in getting understanding unless the person also wore glasses.

BTW One of my siblings was on the clinical trial for a cataract operation where they also correct your eye sight.

It is still so weird after 4 years seeing him without glasses as due to him being older than me, for my entire lifetime he's worn glasses.

Yes, they asked me if I wanted my distance or close vision to be corrected. (NHS, so I couldn't have the multi-focus) I chose to still use glasses for reading. I did get some varifocals at first, as after 60 years I wasn't sure about not wearing glasses out and about. As it happens, my distance sight, though not perfect, is quite good enough for everyday life; so I now only use glasses for reading.

Rachael won't back down now because it would be admitting guilt.
She has no 'accidental' route to go down.

I don't think she will respond to a contact saying that you have been to the police to report their loss, so that you can claim on your insurance.
I think you have to copy all in to a contact saying 'Joke over now, if you do not return my much needed spectacles immediately (sounds more imposing than glasses) I will take you to small claims and sue you.'
You know it was theft, everyone else knows it's theft, but 'joke' allows her some exit route, and it is important to get your specs back, first and foremost.

Then cut the woman out of your group. Whatever she is going through does not entitle her to steal £300 from a member of the group.

But she should be able to refer to the retailer she bought from, who would confirm her purchase. Also, she probably paid by card. Record of that, too. What a cheek!

This and I’d add if yours provide a receipt

I completely understand how you feel; having a valued possession stolen by a random would be upsetting enough, but being betrayed by a friend is sickening, and even if you managed to get the glasses back, something would be changed forever.
If it helps you to "be the bigger person", think of what you have both lost.
You have lost something you really enjoyed owning and using. Not only did it have monetary value, that value represented the hard work you put in to gain it honestly.
What has she gained and lost? Like a greedy toddler, she grabbed the pretty toy that took her passing fancy. Now that she realises that the game is up, even if she brazens it out, they will represent to her something quite different about her own character; she couldn't look at herself in the mirror and see the well-earned fruits of her labour.
She has lost your unconditional friendship, and even if the rest of the group don't want to rock the boat, the undercurrent of suspicion will be there.
They may feel that there is not enough real solid proof, but they will never feel quite the same about her again.
Time will pass, you will need a change in prescription (I'm currently reeling from that one, lovely though the new glasses are!) but you will remain a person of integrity, supporting yourself through your own efforts, with friends who trust you.
She will have an old pair of glasses which no longer suit, but feeling the draught as friends become wary of her and distances themselves gradually and politely.

Thing is OP isn't the one who gets to decide who is cut out of the group.
Group members may decide to cut out OP instead for trouble making when there isn't clear proof Rachel stole the glasses.

Rachel is a thief and you all have to decide if you want a thief in your friendship group, just because she's having a bit of a hard time at the moment. She's got away with stealing your glasses. I wonder if your other friends would be so forgiving if it was their expensive reading that were "missing"! Sadly, having had a thief in the family, I can almost guarantee it will not stop there!