To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

She is a thieving cow.
Yes glasses can be very expensive. But presumably you can afford to pay £300 to get another pair ordered from your optician tomorrow - you do have enough money and don't need to make a claim on your house insurance?

Tell Joanne that this has changed how you feel about glasses stealer. But don't let her Rachel damage your friendship group, or else she's won yet again.

most of my friends are skint, non of them would stoop so low

Unless she did take them but went to exchange them for a bigger size!!!!!

I would claim on your travel insurance, as others have said it's unlikely to make much difference to your premiums. I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with people who think it's ok for this woman to steal from you because she's 'having a hard time!' I wouldn't report her to the police but I'd certainly message her telling her exactly what I think of her 😠

My designer glasses from specsaver have my name embossed into the plastic behind the ear on the arm.

Just to be clear, my new glasses didn't come from Specsavers. AFAIA there was no personalised ID but I can check that tomorrow with the company involved.

She is not your friend. If she was, she would give you proof of purchase.

If you think she truly has stolen them from you then I'd cut her off. Unfortunately be prepared to lose the rest of the friendship group too though, as people always side with arseholes.

But presumably you can afford to pay £300 to get another pair ordered from your optician tomorrow - you do have enough money and don't need to make a claim on your house insurance?

I think I've already said upthread that I have a holiday coming up soon and attending the wedding cost £££s in gifts, dress, hair, accommodation etc — so finding another £300 for a second pair of spex is not on the cards at the moment. What I've done is order a £65 pair of prescription reading glasses online and they're due on Friday. I've been using my old glasses to get by while I wait for the new ones.

It’s a good job you have a backup pair. I wouldn’t be able to work without mine.

She's proven herself to be a liar and a thief by having the picture removed. I wouldn't be excusing her behaviour as "sending a message". The message is she is used to all of you paying for her when she claims to have financial issues and feels entitled to take what she wants from you. I know someone like this. If you leave something at their house or let them borrow it, don't expect to see it again. If we go out, they've no money, you've to pay and then the next couple of days they're bragging about what they've bought.

I hope your glasses have the unique code others have mentioned and that you are able to ask for proof. No doubt she will then say she has lost her own pair and can't check. It really is infuriating dealing with people like this.

@FlexibleFi For what it's worth the police took the theft of my ring seriously, and that was worth only £20, (monetary value, for me it's priceless.) And I got it back!

Don't need a receipt either, her bank statement would show whether she's spent £300 on some glasses or not. Cheeky fucker. 🤬

I would be inclined to sort this myself and not burden Jo. I would say:

Hey Rache, just wondering if you’re ok? If I’m being honest I just don’t believe that you bought the same glasses as me, I think they’re mine. You got your receipt? How come the picture of you wearing them has been removed from Facebook? Nothing would please me more than to be proved wrong about this. If you post them back to me in the next few days, we can forget all about it and you have my word I’ll never mention it again. I’ll tell the others it was my mistake and I found them in my bag. I need them for my holiday next week, I can’t afford another pair before I go.

I don’t want to upset you, I hope you’re ok, we’ve all been such good friends for so long, I couldn’t bear the thought of a big fallout…but I think this could cause one. Do you really want to fuck things up for our lovely friendship group for a pair of £300 glasses? I don’t, I’d much rather you’d reach out to me and let me help. After my holiday, I’ll get paid again and can help you out with some new glasses? Or shall we just meet for a coffee without the others for a chat? Anyway, I love you loads, over to you…xx

Have none of the rest of you got an old friend, someone you've had good times with in the past but always the complicated one? The one who's never got quite enough to pay her full share at the restaurant? The one who always needs a lift or money for a taxi? That's Rachel. Nicking something is new, and the glasses seem particularly mad to try to get away with. Jo and I are wondering how bad a space Rachel's in to have done something so stupid. It's like she's sending a message.

Not had a friend steal from me, but a very close friend never fully paid her way (was always clever about it) as she got older (from late 40s) she became worse, stingier and selfish - I think she got to a point where she didn't bother to hide it anymore. I was getting more and more irritated by her and was pretty vocal about it until she did something spectacularly selfish and I had enough and dropped contact. What really stings is that I did so much for her over the years, on many levels, and so did my parents.

Fucking hell, who steals someone’s glasses?! That is low. She is not your friend, she is a thief.

Mature?! Joanne is making the OP feel she's being unreasonable. It's anything but mature.

I would go round to her house and steal them back.

If she's having a hard time, how can she afford a £300 pair of glasses then? 🤔I'm afraid this friendship is dead in the water. Maybe the others don't want to rock the boat, but what if they're next?! You need to go all the way on this. Nothing to lose now.

Why in earth would you want to suck up to a thief?

That’s quite bad, not for the £300, but for what it tells you about Rachel.

Stealing from a mate - yikes.

Good point - she should choose a lane.

Either she has bought them herself ergo, no money worries.

Or she HAS got money worries - so why is she spending £300 on a pair of glasses instead of £25 pair from Boots?

I wonder if she liked a person's walking stick - would she steal that disability aid too?

Ugh. You'd offer to help pay for her new glasses? The first part is fine, but then it gets a bit ridiculous. This person has stolen from her friend, she does not need to be pandered to or she will just feel even more entitled. I really don't understand this response at all. The friendship is fucked anyway, she is no friend. She's not even a decent human being.

I had a friend steal from me once. I found her out, found the thing she stole in her room. Yes I went in and looked through it. She couldn’t pretend anymore. I asked her why so did it and she said she didn’t know. She got very upset.

Ultimately it was jealousy. She knew I really liked that item and it was my love of it that pushed her to want it. I’m not sure she was really that bothered by it.

It was really fucked up. These sorts of people are really insecure. I know another one, very similar to what you describe. She was insufferable though as she pretended to be poor but had extremely wealthy parents yet always had the least money, needed to “watch the pennies”. She’d deliberately chosen a low wage job as she was ashamed of her wealthy background and somehow felt there was some righteousness in her poverty, some sort of moral upper hand over all of us. Look at my sacrifices sort of thing, I’m so much better than you, now chip in for my dinner because being this poor and moral costs money, dontcha know. Drove me potty.

I haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if this has already been said, but Rachel won’t need to produce a receipt if she’s saying they are her prescription glasses. The optician will have a record of what she bought.

If she can’t/won’t produce that then you’ve got your answer, whether or not you do anything about it.

Yes, I think an optician would generally would be happy to provide a customer with a copy of the original receipt for glasses they had purchased , eg. for insurance purposes (it may also have a serial number or other identifying marks for the specs/lenses.)
I think the OP would need one to claim on her insurance anyway but you never know, it might also help to prove ownership.

I had a friend who once kept a comb I had forgotten at her place after sleeping over on a night out. For the life of me I couldn't figure out where my comb had gone as I had forgotten I had taken it with me and had it in my over-night kit. A few months later I was at my friend's place again and it was in her bathroom. She was using it. It was not tucked away to give me, nor had she even mentioned I had left it behind. I asked her why she didn't mention it and she simply replied that I had left it, didn't ask for it back and it was a nice comb. I took it back (and washed it before using). It was a nice comb. People are weird. 🤷‍♀️