DD(23) can't get time off work over Christmas.

[drivinmecrazy]

DD1 is 23 and working post graduation, fully independent but living at home and a big part of family life.

DD2 is 18 and just finished her first year at uni.

Previous years we've done a couple of days away in the lake district usually leaving on Boxing Day.

This year DH & I thought it might be nice to spend Christmas Day in the lakes.

It turns out DD1 has no holiday availability over Christmas so wouldn't be able to join us.

Obviously we've knocked our plans on the head and will be going on Boxing Day.

But I'm feeling a bit conflicted.

DD1 wouldn't be on her own on Christmas Day, we don't have an extended family but would be able and welcome to spend the day with her BF and her partner.

We wouldn't exclude DD1 without a second thought, but she's an adult surely?

When is it ok to make plans not including children?

DD doesn't get to use up all her leave and then put on a face when you decide to holiday. She is an adult and needs to learn that everything doesn't revolve around her.

You could involve your daughters more in the preparations and food if the workload is part of what makes you fancy a change?

It'd be tight to leave her on Christmas Day, as you don't normally go away for that day so she would have assumed you'd do what you usually do. After that though, it's fair game IMO as she's an adult.

I think that's it tbh.

Being away for CD has already been cancelled for her.

She can't expect others not to go away at all after CD because she can't!

The title of this thread is a bit misleading—“can’t get time off” had me expecting DD to be working in emergency services, for example.

The reality is that DD knows you usually go away at Christmas, prioritised using her annual leave on other activities, and is now disappointed that she didn’t save any for the annual Christmas trip. Time to learn a grown-up lesson about actively managing AL and mapping it out for the year. You should still go.

My exact thoughts.

It's a tradition yet she didn't save a couple of days leave for it.

Have Christmas day with her and then go away.

If DD had thought everything revolved around her she would have asked them not to go away. But she didn’t. She said it was fine.

Face expressions are harder to hide to someone that knows you well.

I think the OP is asking when will it be ok for her and her DH to have Christmas as they want , in a hotel, without mum still cooking for everyone. I hear you OP. My youngest is 11 but I’m already planning my Christmases abroad when he is in Uni.

I did say there are some jobs you can’t book annual leave but then read the updates,

I think that you'd be unreasonable to bugger off for Christmas Day when your DD can't, but after the Bank Holidays are through (ie day after Boxing Day) then of course that's not unreasonable to go to Cumbria. Your DD can join you on the weekend if she wants to.

But to go away for Christmas and Boxing Day when your DD can't is pretty hurtful.

Don’t they generally come home during the Christmas break?

Unless you are very religious Christians I don't get the whole Christmas thing anyway. It's just another day but here we are in the middle of July with people stressing over it already. When kids are young it's nice to get together with grandparents but when they are older and working or at uni then people start to do their own thing. When it was just my Mum and me we would sometimes have beans on toast on Christmas Day and a (vegan) Christmas Dinner in August - but we are heathens.

If going away en famille is your regular Christmas thing and the daughter hasn't saved enough leave, or booked the time off, then it's really her problem and perhaps subliminally she doesn't want to go and would rather stay at home with friends/boyfriend.

Family dynamics change all the time and in a few years when the two daughters have their own children then they will all want to have big family get-togethers again.

Definitely don't wait for them to leave home to go on holiday as a couple, I left and went back and stayed for good, so if that is your plan, forget it or you will never get away.

If she's working Christmas day what's the difference she's not going to be home either to enjoy the festivities, so you may as well go away.
Can you not go and she joins you later either after work or boxing day.
Life and work commitments don't stop for many at Christmas, as an adult you just have to get on with it. Sometimes you'll be rostered to work amd some you won't.

I wouldn't leave her on Christmas Day, I know she's an adult but 23 is still young and she's still living at home, I would leave on Boxing Day as usual.

Probably when they have their own partners and families.
My parents wouldn't leave me or my siblings alone at Christmas now and we're late 30s/40s! We wouldn't leave one of them alone at Christmas either.

She’s 23 and has no annual leave left for Christmas because she’s already used it. She knows you go away at Christmas.

If she was bothered, she would have saved some annual leave. She has also told you she doesn’t mind so I think you should do whatever you and DH want without feeling bad.

My DM would t have left me alone

I would never leave DD alone

Loads of people can't get Christmas Day off work

Their families work around that so they they can see their loved ones later on in the day or whatever

It all depends on how much you love your family and want to see celebrate with them

This is an insane post.
a) It’s July. Who gives a fuck about Christmas?
B) ask your daughter if she wants to prioritise a trip with you in the new year. If she says no, go away over Christmas without her. If she says yes, book one for the new year when it’s cheaper and life is less busy.
c) it’s JULY!!!!

You are going to be altogether on Christmas Day. Your DDs lack of planning of time off work is not your problem, it is hers.

Discussing it now is not unreasonable though.

My 19 year old would be absolutely fine with us going away boxing day for a few days. She's generally working or out celebrating with friends. Infact, I don't think shed even be willing to come away with us if asked and miss out on the festivities with friends who are all home from uni at the same time. I can't see anything wrong with your plan. You aren't leaving her Xmas day and she's 23 years old

So she knows the tradition to go away between Xmas and New Year but has already used her work holiday entitlement. She's an adult. She'll be working while the rest of you twiddle your thumbs during that period.

Go away!

Well maybe but they the child in question is an adult and may not get everything she wants! Life changes and so do traditions.

The story keeps changing. Title says DD can't get time off, an update implies she actually hasn't got any left to take as she has used it all even though she knew the plan was to go away.

If it's the latter, then I guess it's really her fault. She needs to plan her leave a bit better as it's messing up the arrangements she knew about.

I think it would appear a little odd if you didn't go on holiday at that time last year because your DH was working but this year you would go even if your DD was working?