Feeling pressured to take DS' girlfriend on holiday

[SandiAndi]

Some background first. DS is 17, just finished Y12, we moved his school after GCSEs as he was having a rough time. We live rurally and options for a good school with good sixth form options were very limited so we have stretched ourselves and gone private. We also have twins who are 11 and will be going to the state school after summer.
DS settled in well at the new school but still doesn't really have much in the way of friends, he's quite introverted. However he does now have a girlfriend of about 8 months. She's lovely and has really brought him out his shell (they were the only two taking A-Level Latin so I think he felt more confident around her).

In 4 weeks we are going to Greece, we have an Airbnb. DS came in a few days ago saying that his girlfriend's family have offered to take him to Italy with them on holiday next week. He asked if it was ok and said her dad was happy to pay for the flight etc. obviously he will need spending money but he works so has some of his own and I'm happy to tip it up.

Now DH thinks we need to invite his girlfriend with us, I'll be honest I don't want to! She's lovely, very sweet and kind, but I never feel truly relaxed around her. We have also had well let's say issues with the volume of their recreational activities should we say!! And
I imagine it will be worse in a Airbnb! I could do without hearing that on holiday.

DH thinks it will be great, twins will entertain each other, DS will go do things with his girlfriend and we can relax, plus they can babysit a few nights. He also thinks it's really rude not to.

So AIBU to not want to invite her? Should I just suck it up?

That he wants to go on holiday with HIS family at 17. That is and has been quite unusual for many years. Most teenagers of that age want to do their own thing.

Id invite her. It is awkward of they've invited him and you don't reciprocate. He might only be 17 but he's nearly a grown up and you don't want to exclude someone he obviously wants to be with.

The teens of all my friends, and my own, definitely still want to go on holiday with their families - as long as it's somewhere involving a plane flight and all activities paid for! Better than being bored at home.

It seems like so much responsibility to me. I couldn’t relax. I get why your DH feels that pressure though.

I wouldn't! If he doesn't want to come because hid girlfriend isn't coming, he can stay home. He's lucky u are entertaining him having a girlfriend at that age anyway.

If you can’t fully relax then do not invite her, I’m the same, I can’t fully relax around others and it’s your holiday, obviously if they last and are 20 you will need to suck it up but at this age no I wouldn’t x

Oh please!

I'm being serious.

Just wondering whether DS's GF's family are happy with hearing their DD having sex (especially her DF). Wouldn't be surprised at all if they don't engage in it whilst they are at her house. What will be their sleeping arrangements in Italy?

I’d be more inclined to invite her as company for your son. It’s not clear what your son wants though?

I think you should pay for the flight to Italy and leave it at that.

You have some options, from what I can see;

1. your son is in a private school (so is mine, I’m not being judgemental. We also stretched ourselves). This is a setting where some parents are very affluent and some others are just making it work to give their children a private school education. You can remind your 17 year old of this. ‘We stretched ourselves to give you the best we could, and I’m so happy that you have flourished and your gf is wonderful. I don’t know what her father’s / parents situation is financially and that’s not my business, but maybe he can simply afford it and that’s great for them. We have stretched ourselves, already.
2. yes, your husband has a point about being rude, reciprocity and you don’t want to push your son away, but not making an effort with his girlfriend. So you set some ground rules. ‘You are grown up enough to do what you do with your girlfriend, that’s fine. We are staying in a small place on holiday, with your 11 year old siblings who will hear you. Out of respect, if you can agree to tone it down, or refrain for a few days, then we can make it work. If not, then it’s probably not fitting.

We take our kid's partners away all the time, it's normal as far as I'm concerned. He's hardly going to be happy without her is he? Unless he gets on really well with his siblings. You don't even have to pay for her hotel room as it's an air b&b. You'll have a nicer time if he's happy and so will he.

@ohthejoys21

why couldn’t he be happy without her? They’re not joined at the hip !

Of course a 17 yo is going to be happier with his girlfriend there..

This will
likely be one of the last family holidays you have with just the parents and kids. You don’t have to offer as it’s so close to the holiday now.
do you trust them not to be doing activities noisily while they are meant to be babysitting.

I would have a word about the noise if they are not quiet at home. Ask him how he would feel if he could hear his mum and dad going at it 😜

I wouldn’t be agreeing to my children going on holiday with another family unless either they or I was paying for their flights and at least a portion of the accommodation costs. I wouldn’t want another family footing the bill for my child. As for the noisy sex I’d have had words long before now and had firm boundaries in place. So many parents encourage almost marriage like relationships at this age, my DD’s BF’s parents did this and it was an ongoing battle until she eventually found the strength to get out age 23 because of the guilt she felt. I wouldn’t be taking her to Greece tbh. He can survive for 2 weeks.

You're not calling a 17 year old's girlfriend a partner, surely?

MrsClownland..

Girlfriend, partner.. does it really matter? The person he's with at the moment? I'm sure you get my drift.

Yes, it matters.
A teenager tends to have a boy or girlfriend not a partner.

Oh for goodness sake are you bored this evening?

If you turn 20 is an automatically a partner?

Did I say only teenagers can have partners? I don't think I did.

I don’t understand what you mean. You said a teenager tends to have a boyfriend or girlfriend and so I asked at what point does that automatically become a partner.

Does your other half become a partner as soon as you turn 20 because then you’re not a teenager anymore?

I made a typo writing partner instead of girl/boyfriend in second reply (tired), ignore that.

My initial point was that for teenagers it tends to be a girl/boyfriend and not a partner, but didn't say older folk couldn't also have a boy/girlfriend. It's just that partner tends not to be the word teenagers would use.