To ask if this would offend you?

[CobaltQueen]

Telling someone they have a strong accent and asking where they are from. Turns out they have always lived in this area and looked really embarrassed when I asked. Was I rude?

I don’t think you were rude to enquire about the origins of her accent because in London there are so many people who have lived elsewhere or who were born elsewhere. It was slightly rude to comment on her ‘strong accent’ though. You could have perhaps said. ‘I love the way you speak. Have you ever lived anywhere else in the world ? ‘

DARVO much?

Not a reply specifically to you, but the commitment throughout the thread of not listening to / reading that other people say is impressive, but not in a good way.

If people (and it isn't just me) say they find something rude and offensive, maybe, just maybe, consider not doing that thing, rather than saying you find it amusing and there must be something wrong with anyone who doesn't want to entertain you.

Sometimes it pisses me off when someone tells me you have an accent - newsflash we all do! I find it quite othering and I can be a bit snippy about it. But generally people do ask about my accent - it's a mix as I've travelled loads so it's hard to guess. But it's the way you ask the question - are you curious or are you suspicious?

So you only ask people questions that benefit them?

What a strange thing to say.

@CobaltQueen "A london accent doesn't have many variations after all"
I disagree with that tbh.
I grew up in Greater London but now live elsewhere. People I meet that have connections with my part of London know which part of London Im from based on my accent. Until I moved away as an adult I always assumed all South East England/London spoke with a very similar accent........... I now know how wrong I was to think that.

You can sometimes pull it back from rudeness by quickly saying something like oh I’m sorry. I hope you don’t mind me asking. It’s just that you sound so much like my friend Jenny who actually is from New Zealand.

Well that is clearly a load of tosh

I don't think it's rude but I often ask people where they are from and ask questions about their culture as I'm fascinated.

My Polish, Greek & italian acquaintances can't wait to tell you about their national days, foods, family etc even if they are British born but people panic if you are asking the question of a Non white person which is sad as it should make no difference.

Someone asked me where my accent was from. I didn't think they were rude. I have an accent . I just thought they wondered where my accent was from. I answered. Nobody died of embarrassment. The end.

Yes, it was absolutely rude.

"Have you always lived in [city/town name]?" is just fine (assuming you're actually being friendly and not using an ugly or challenging tone).

I'm in the USA and get asked a lot about my accent or it gets remarked upon. Luckily most Americans love an English accent. So it usually goes "I just love your accent" - I get it from complete strangers who are walking past as I'm talking to someone else. My DD's dentist said "your accent is so soothing, I could listen to it forever" while I was talking to DD to keep her calm during a visit.

Sometimes people start with "well, you're not from around here are you?" said in a nice tone but I guess that could be taken the wrong way.

I'm white though so it's fairly safe to say that to me as I'm not battling day-to-day microaggressions.

If you are not white you have to deal with a lot of othering from people all the time so I imagine it's incredibly hard to pick out an innocent query from a pointed one.

If for some reason you can't bear not to know I'd pick an inclusive question to begin with. "Did you grow up around here?" Or (if you can be genuine about it) a flattering one. "I could listen to your voice all day - where does such a charming accent come from?)

OP I get asked about my accent ALL THE TIME because I'm a Brit living in the US. It gets old fast, its not that rude, but it is boring and repetitive. I don't know if this person you spoke to gets asked a lot, so can't speak for them. Is it at all possible they are hearing impaired and their accent is altered as a result?

It entirely depends on your tone. I have an accent from outside of the area. People have said things akin to the following, and this is what they made me think...

"I like your accent, where are you from?" = nice, they're interested

"Wow! You have a STRONG accent, where are YOU from?" = you sound a bit common/thick

I work in HE and there's a fair bit of snobbery about accents.

I don’t think it’s rude. I have a strong accent and have been told this quite a lot - do I choose to be offended? No. Everyone is bloody offended about everything these days.

Sounds like people taking offense offends you. How ironic. Or apt. I can't decide.

Seriously, ‘very’ rude? ‘You’re very fat’ is incredibly rude. Telling a bride you hate her dress is very rude. This is a bit of a faux pas but nothing major. Let’s keep some proportion

Uh?? I’m from the north of England and live in the south. I get comments on my accent all the time and I don’t give a fuck. It’s a talking point. It’s fun to tell them the word “bath” doesn’t have an “r” in it for the billionth time!

I don't think saying someone has a strong accent is particularly rude. I've been annoyed by some peoples comments about my accent before, I'm from the Westcountry and some old work colleagues used to take the piss saying I sounded like a farmer. Then I moved up North and everyone up there kept taking the piss about how "posh" I sounded.

My partner is from Cumbria but doesn't have a strong accent and often got asked by his fellow Cumbrians where he was from, they often wouldn't believe him that he was from the same place as them!

Personally I wouldn't be bothered by it; but in my case, it would be because they were trying to place the (Canadian in fact) overtones in my mainly British accent. Some people are sensitive about accents, or have experienced snobbery or prejudice about theirs, so probably it's best to avoid asking the question.

I was taught manners, so you not allowed to ask a question?

Now THAT is rude. Do you have no manners because you’re forrin OP?

Unfortunately we are not allowed to freely talk to others anymore about anything remotely interesting so best stick to the weather then feel lonely and wonder why our nations mental health is plummeting

No, she is not hearing impaired and was born in London and lived here in the same area all her life. Interesting about the autism link as do wonder about that as well. She is very quiet and shy so was just trying to get her to open up a bit. Her reaction told me that wasn't the best idea and now I regret it, especially as I didn't think that she must be asked this all the time and it must get embarrassing and wearing after some time.
I don't think saying something like 'You sound just like my friend who lives in New Zealand ' would have helped though. I wouldn't want to be told I sound like that. Not that there's anything wrong with any accent but if I'm not actually from that place I wouldn't want to be told I sound like I am just from there.
I only asked her as I was absolutely convinced that she was from another country and it would lead to more conversation.

Not anymore it seems! Any thing other than a brief nod in a persons direction is considered an invasion of privacy or 'rude' so I've learned on this thread!

Not rude to ask about someone's accent.