To be hurt my parents have disinherited me?

[Plantbasedpeanuts]

They hate my husband and so they’ve cut me out of their will and left everything to my dc.
I know logically it is their choice and it was previously split 25% each between me and my three dc but now they’ve taken me out entirely - even sentimental things like my mum’s jewellery will now go to my dd.
Im so hurt by this. Logically I completely understand it’s their money and their belongings and I don’t want to be grabby but I’ve always been close to my parents and this is really hurtful. DH is my dc’s dad, just to make that clear too.
Aibu?

But would your husband seek to get half of it?

When I first separated my father was very worried that, should he die before the divorce was final, my ex would go after any inheritance. And he was right to worry!
Luckily we lived at that time in a country where inheritance to a named person is ring fenced, which is not the case where my father lives.

Your parents might not be aware of bloodline trusts. They can put their assets into one of these trusts and it is excluded from any divorce settlement and it only goes to your descendents in your bloodline.

I would not take their advice on divorce either, that must be your decision uninfluenced by them.

So your parents would rather you be unhappy than them be embarrassed??

Fuck that. Leave him and live your own life. They're not leaving you anything anyway so what have you got to lose.

I have to say I do not agree with this statement at all. It is NOT a lot of men. It is men or women who choose not to.
My dh and my friends dh do a lot with kids and in the home.

Hi op,

it seems that they made a very personal choice about your life and leaving you out of the thinking process. I am not surprised you feel hurt.

they should have sit you down and actually go through it all with you so :

• we don’t support divorce hence we won’t finance it. We leave everything to DGC.
• we want to support you, we are here for you in other ways such as : having the kids the week end, you can stay here if you need some time to turn things around…etc.

i hope things get easier for you 🌺🌹

I completely understand it’s their money and their belongings and I don’t want to be grabby but I’ve always been close to my parents and this is really hurtful. DH is my dc’s dad, just to make that clear too.
Aibu?

You are being unreasonable. They are not leaving their money to a cat or dog home: they are leaving something for YOUR children's future. How is that disinheriting you?

You say it is their money and so it is. They are leaving what they do not spend to your DC - their grandchildren. What is wrong with that? How much do you think you will have when your time comes to leave to your children? If you cannot promise to leave them a pension pot, or have not taken out life assurance, how will you expect them to live when you are gone?

The Old Testament proverbs say that a man should be able to leave enough for their grandchildren. There is a reason for that.

Easy. Stop seeing them twice a week. Tell them if they fall ill or need any support then they cannot expect you to be there for them aa they have removed you. This cuts both ways. They might be in good health now but when they need your they won't be your problem.

Thats not the same as saying you don't matter

I can understand why you feel hurt but i also understand why they did it. They don’t want your DH to benefit from their hard earned cash and don’t trust you to stand up to him. Just be grateful your children will inherit so you can spend your own money without having to worry about their financial future

@Plantbasedpeanuts If you're in Scotland children can't be disinherited.

I think you should take this as a sign to go ahead with the divorce. When my DD was around two years old, my DH was being… not very supportive. I realized with horror that my DD was learning that this is the model for how men behave towards women.

I didn’t want my DD to grow up and marry someone who treats her like my DH treats (treated) me. If you stay with him, your kids will likely marry someone like your DH as that is what will feel comfortable and familiar to them. It is worth thinking about whether that is really what you want for them.

After reading your posts OP I feel so sad for you in that you have lost your brother at such a young age, and your parents aren’t cherishing you here.
They are punishing you for staying with your husband but there is a threat of disapproval if you leave.
They are in their 70’s which means they grew up in pretty progressive times. All that stay married until youngest DC is 18 rubbish - have they an anointed timeline of your life and choices that they must oversee?
I am a fair bit older than you and have learned that while money is important sometimes it’s so emotive that it’s destructive.
Imagine having your own life with your DC? Where their futures aren’t about dad’s wealth or what grandparents are leaving but fun, love, good education and independence of mind. Seeing their mum happy is far more important than what’s in a will.
You seem like a chess piece getting moved about.
Your parents are lucky to have you, and after losing a son, shouldn’t give a toss what the neighbours think of their DD.
I am not saying take your DH for all he has, but perhaps a divorce would be best. Stop living in the shadows like this. You deserve better. Your DC will be secure anyway in the future if your DH is very wealthy.
Live the life you deserve not the one that your parents map or a bad marriage has stuck you in.

You realise you're a grown up now and you can make your own decisions?

If you want to divorce your H, divorce him, it doesn't matter what your parents say, it's not their life.

Also, £250k really isn't that much. If either (or both) of your parents need care or to go into a care home, they'll burn through that in a few years leaving nothing, so there may be no inheritance anyway 🤷‍♀️

If you want to leave him, leave him, don't waste the next 12 years of your life being with someone you don't want to be with to please someone else entirely.

I'm sorry OP
Hope you find a way to leave the husband.
Sounds like you are sacrificing your life, but for what? Appearances?
Do you think your kids are in a happy environment? Or would they be better off if you and husband went separate ways?

They are worried he will benefit from it or maybe leave me and take half of it.

I would like to leave DH

Twp perfect reasons for disinheriting you. Divorce him then your parents will probably put you back in the will. Problem solved. I wouldn't want a horrible sil to benefit either. Lose him, gain money. Win, win.

EDIT - I see the thread has moved on. Do NOT be dictated to by your parents regarding your marriage. If you want to leave then leave. It's your life thats being ruined so look after yourself.

We are doing exactly the same with my son sadly, his wife is awful she does nothing and spends money like it it going out of fashion but has nothing to show for it. They have 3 children, one doesn't even own a pair of shoes, because they're expensive, she is always getting her hair done, nails done, lashes on. She only sits on the sofa and goes out if my son drives her My son bought her a car but will only drive to school if it's raining, it's a 5 minute walk. She has no job, buys only shower gel for Christmas gifts for me and my husband. When she had the first child we went out shopping, I wanted to buy a little outfit for the child, she picked it out and I paid for it. Went in to another store and I purchased a few things. In the third store she had an arm full of clothes, we got to the checkout and I said, I'll just be over there whilst you pay, she suddenly decided she didn't want them. Think she was expecting me to put my hand in my pocket again. If she had been a different daughter in law, there's much more to her behavior, she would be a very wealthy woman on our inheritance. I feel sorry for my son, he won't stop her and he is going to miss out too. If they divorced, he will inherit his rightful amount. If not it gets split between the grandchildren.

As someone has previously mentioned, we are not leaving our hard earned money so she can spunk it up the wall like my son's salary.

If you are unhappy in your relationship LEAVE. Don't stay and waste your life in order to save your parents embarrassment. Don't stay because they will be disapproving. They already are disapproving this is YOUR life.

It is sad that they don't plan to leave you anything in their will, but could this also be what you need to start making your own decisions which don't rely on their approval. If you are unhappy with your husband and the only thing keeping you together is your parent's opinion, well you can let go of that now, and do what you want. Start thinking about what is best for you and your DC. No one else.

Your partner is irrelevant. It's not about money. So sorry.

Also, £250k really isn't that much

It is way beyond the reach of most people. Ever.

12 years. Please don’t wait till then. Leave him, they’ll come round. You can’t live your life miserably because of what other people think.

Your responses about your DH are vague and make me wonder if there are other things about him which they don't trust. You yourself are saying you'd divorce him if you felt able to. (Which you are, btw! Especially in light of this situation, why are you living for your parents' approval?)

Having your children inherit directly makes quite a lot of sense from their perspective, given your description of events.

I do understand why it would feel hurtful, though. It's a shame they didn't at least realise the sentimental items would benefit from going to you, as the GC are unlikely to appreciate them the same way you would.

First things first leave your DH if that would make you happier. It doesn't matter what your parents think it's your life and just because loads of men dont help doesnt mean we should give them any allowance. It's shitty behaviour.

Secondly, be upset, it is harsh but completely understandable if theyre are protecting what they are leaving from your DH getting any.

Please do what will make your life better. X

Well if they have already disinherited you, they can't hold anything else over your head re a divorce.

If you want to leave go ahead!