Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

But they didn't want to, they obviously wanted to go to the event or just be around.
I wouldn't do it myself as yes I'd be mortified but the older I get the more I learn how different we all are.. so many people have got balls of steel and potential embarrassment just washes over them!

If your friend actively excluded anyone who wasn't a blood relative from a christening I'm struggling to understand why she had one in the first place.

Obviously the excluded family members were being very passive aggressive, they are obviously very angry about the situation.

There have got to be easier ways to go no contact with your whole family in one go.

This is genuinely not a reverse.

I found my own sons’ Christenings deeply stressful with too many kids around and everyone wanting to hold them let alone sorting the catering. However, I would not have done what she did but she did it!

The baby’s grandparents, aunts and uncles were all invited but not their spouses or their small children.

I was kind of shocked by this but totally understand how she wanted an event that required no planning. She literally had coffee with the Maitre D who then organised everything plus cake. Her husband wouldn’t have lifted a finger.

My post wasn’t about this but about uninvited people turning up anyway with their own family and small children. Why would they want punish my friend like this at the event?

Her elder child was distracted by uninvited cousin and when her sister gently walked the child back the sister-in-law did sarcastically said it was a public restaurant.

I Just don’t understand why they did this. It might be a public place but why choose that particular time to go?

Must admit, i do wonder at the people replying here saying she was in the wrong.

Would you all honestly turn up to a family party at a hotel that you had not been invited to?

Batshit, and so bloody rude.

The spouses are also aunts and uncles. It is spectacularly rude to not invite them.

I am so genuinely confused that the majority appear to think it's okay to turn up uninvited to events.

Perhaps it's the Christening context that I'm misunderstanding, I'm not Christian so maybe I don't see a particular cultural angle.

In my opinion, it would be incredibly rude and selfish to turn up to an event that you haven't been invited to. That event has been arranged by the host for their own particular reasons in that way and it isn't about you so why feel the need to be there?

Have the non-invitees shown they are not believers? If so, totally appropriate to not invite them. They won't be supporting the baby in his/her faith journey. That is the reason fora Christening.
In my experience, people who never host events don't appreciate the effort/cost involved.

how peculiar to host the celebration of a christening and not make it a family event - as in wider families, including partners.
Did it not occur to her that most families do things together as a unit a weekends?

It sounds like there was room at the venue where this Christening after party was held. If there was a head limit, then others could still book themselves as smaller groups to the venue capacity.

The kid’s first birthday party will be like the Sahara.

I Just don’t understand why they did this. It might be a public place but why choose that particular time to go?

Because they were angry and wanted to make a point.

Was that a kind response to being excluded, no.

A more standard response would be a lot of bitching on a family group chat.

But your friends choice was only ever going to cause her issues even in a less reactive family.

Bloody hell, your friend’s a nut job, assuming you mean an actual christening involving a Christian religion and making vows in a church??

Did she listen to the words spoken and have any understanding of the vows she was making?

Or was it just a show for the Insta pics? 🤔

If this was a wedding.... would people just turn up uninvited?

It was rude to turn up uninvited but it's also bizarre to insist on only blood relatives at a christening. Both things can be true at the same time.

🤔 to be honest I have the sort of family where I'd do the same....but I'd have made damn sure none of the fuckers would know where Amy celebration of mine would be held!

I mean, I don't think I would have the balls to turn up and eat a meal a table away from where DH, his sister, some of their cousins, his parents etc were attending a family gathering.

But I would be incredibly hurt to be excluded like that from my niece's christening. When I married DH*, I joined his family. To exclude me from an event like that would be a very strong message that I am not considered part of the family and I would be left wondering what relationship or role there was for me in my niece's life.

*actually I have been treated as part of his family for far longer than we have been married

But it was just a restaurant in a hotel. A public place. Not exclusive. Loads of random people around. So no-one turning up there is "batshit". No-one gatecrashed. Perhaps they wanted to spend the rest of the day with their invited spouse. Perhaps they wanted to be as close as they could be to the event - their niece/nephew/cousin's christening. Perhaps they were curious about the "posh hotel". Perhaps they wanted to shame the friend.

OP, you said it was "controversial" and had already caused an issue with the mother and brother initially refusing to come. Has your friend really not reflected that maybe, just maybe, she didn't make a great choice here by trying to exclude family members from her child's celebration?

Your friend is a horrible person...inviting only half of a couple and excluding many important relatives, just so she could act like a 'gracious host' at a pricey hotel!!! Seriously??

I'm gobsmacked that you are defending her. Awful, trashy behaviour from your friend!! Put yourself in the shoes of those she excluded...how do you think they felt receiving an invitation that said 'you're not welcome, and neither are your kids, but your partner can come!' 😮

I second this ^

You can be upset or annoyed at not being invited but this sounds so incredibly petty.

What a nasty person your friend sounds and I would imagine the ramifications of her stupid decision will be felt a long time in her family.

It's a restaurant! They turned up to a public restaurant! And/or to a public church service! Not to a private event!

They didn't (unless OP has a massive dripfeed) plonk themselves down at the head of the friend's table and order lobster and champagne expecting her to pick up the bill.
They didn't rush a bouncer to get through a cordon to a private party. They booked themselves a meal/went for a walk in a garden/sat in a public reception area.

I would find it really weird to be invited to my nephew's christening and my husband of 20 years, who has known and loved my sister for those 20 years, to not be invited.

The host is completely loony. If she's your friend OP, then it's on you to tell her how flipping rude she is.

(Not justifying those who turned up uninvited)

It sounds like alot of people are enmeshed with their partners

I admire them for showing up. They are rejecting their rejection, ykwim. I should have done this years ago with my own family.

I'm so confused by how she is "nasty". Why are we not able to choose who we want to events we are organising? We all have a choice whether we then go?

I certainly have been to many events where my husband and children aren't automatically invited too and I wouldn't dream of telling them to just come along and stare at me through a window. I'm sure they'd prefer to go to an actual zoo instead

Was there a limit on group size? If so, why did your friend not state this, invite closest family (whole family units), then invite others to book as their own groups if they wanted to join her?