Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

I can see why she did this but she hasn't made it easy for herself going forward by doing so. Financially and stress of organising reasons she did nothing wrong.

The cousin who walked around,partner with laptop I'm assuming came from abit further away and or were doing something together after ? If so makes sense they go to venue and entertain themselves for abit. If not then yes that's really weird and just trying to be arsey.

The sil definitely did it to prove a point and let their displeasure at not being invited be known. If the friend expects the cousins to all get along and kids to be close she went about this in the wrong way as she's soured that relationship now. But equally the sil should have been more understanding if money is tight and friend couldn't accommodate more easily.

Baptismzilla 😆

I categorically am not the host. My baby days are over.

A few Christmases ago I was on here moaning about my husband’s cousin who invites his siblings and cousins to an afternoon around Christmas. I really want to be included and I am jealous as hell, I mean really jealous BUT I would never ever turn up! I would be incredibly embarrassed.

I can understand the spouses of the aunts/ uncles/ cousin /Godparents being Jealous or hurt but I wouldn’t turn up . I think I may as well have Sad Twat’ tattoo on me. I would have some dignity.
Even if I was annoyed by someone I wouldn’t try and ruin the event.

No separate invitations were issued to the church but they turned up to that as well. I understand that they were perfectly allowed to do this as they were allowed to be in the hotel but why?

It’s like weddings . A law from The Crusades or something says you can go but you wouldn’t if you hadn’t been invited.

My friend doesn’t have Instagram and I imagine money isn’t a massive problem it she wanted it in this hotel. Definitely didn’t want any effort of hosting.

Why would they want punish my friend like this at the event?

You know this, though don’t you. Because from their perspective she was obnoxious and rude to them by inviting their spouses but not them to what is almost universally expected to be a welcoming and family oriented event.

It’s fine to think you wouldn’t do what her or the gatecrashers did. But the protestations that you just can’t understand why people would do it come across as absurd. As though you only think of your friend as a real person with feelings and motivations that might make her deviate from the norm and all the others at the party as computer generated bit players who don’t deserve consideration, aren’t affected by her actions and bizarrely just haven’t followed the rules.

Well, I think your friend is batshit for not including family in what is a very obviously family occassion.

I think had it been our family where only my husband was invited for example, I'd assume the party bit would be in a private dining or function room, and possibly for ease of transport/if we'd had to stay over night/had plans for after, I'd have thought me and the kids needed to eat anyway so we'd have lunch in the main restaurant whilst my husband went off to his family event elsewhere at the venue. Others may have thought they'd crack on with some work, or go for a walk. That the host wanted a private event but didn't pay the uplift for a private area or room, really isn't the fault of the extended family that weren't invited. For me, accidentally gatecrashing would have just been an unexpected bonus to be honest! But then again, I'm quite petty when it comes to people being exclusionary like this.

Yip I’ve found it…

Her elder child was distracted by uninvited cousin and when her sister gently walked the child back the sister-in-law did sarcastically said it was a public restaurant.

she/you stopped the child from playing with their cousin?? She has managed to make what is meant to be a family gathering and joyous occasion into one that will forever ostracise them from the family group. Because I tell you what, hell would freeze over before I invited her to a family event again.

There’s definitely a what’s app group they are all in that your friend is not.

A cousins/siblings afternoon around Christmas isn't the same as a christening.

My partner has a siblings day around Christmas. It's a chance for them to be silly and reminisce. I'm sure it would be fun to join, but I totally get it.

Now if one of his brothers decided to christen one of their children and not invite me (but invite my partner), that would be weird.

It’s like weddings
It's not like weddings though, that's the point. The wedding ceremony in a church is a public event anyone can come to but the reception is understood to be a private, formal event by invitation.

A Christening is part of a normal Sunday morning service with many people there not directly known to the family and a low-key informal gathering afterwards. Your friend decided to be a pretentious that about it and try to make a Christening like a wedding which meant she excluded many people who should have been invited and they ddc8ded to publicly call her out on her shoddy behaviour.

There was no shame for them, the only person humiliated is your mate.

Literally the point of a christening is to welcome the child to God and the Christian family.

Of course whole family will go to the church. That's the whole point.

And then practically does make sense to all go to the same venue afterwards. Means not bringing two cars etc per family

👏 👏

Perfectly put.

This isn’t about not having a partner there (although this is very unusual for a Christening) the baby’s cousin’s weren’t invited either. Do they not count as ‘blood relatives’.

Actually the person who says that anyone who wants a private event needs to book a private room, is spot on.

The uninvited must all have got together to plan this. They are the ones to have started or aggravated a family rift. This behaviour was quite uncalled for. Perhaps the real significance of a Christening has real meaning for OP’s friend than for her outlaws. I note grandparents were invited and therefore the in-laws were more distant relatives.
There’s not much one can do in response except to stoop to their level and turn up to their venues when they have quiet anniversary, valentine etc celebrations

They were wanted - by the owners/management. Your friend sounds terribly precious

Your friend is a deeply horrible person for doing this. She excluded some pretty key people to the baby. In her actions to be spiteful, she will always remember that her day was a ruined one surrounded by unhappiness and unhappy people all because of her.
That's what you get for being a horrible person.

@Schoolchoicesucks but being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you can turn up somewhere uninvited,

Genuinely, genuinely even if you only have Sundays as a family you take it on the chin, you don’t gatecrash. Same goes if you fancy a meal at the venue you don’t choose the same day.

"The uninvited" oh my days....

Exactly this. You know why they did it.

Your friend made quite the point by inviting you as a friend but not her brother's wife and children.

They were intentionally making quite the point back.

I'm guessing this isn't the first difficult moment in their relationship.

Isn’t this the sort of behaviour that traditionally ends up with the Wicked Fairy turning up and putting a curse on the baby? Your relative might want to keep the baby away from suspiciously delicious looking apples, gangs of seven small me and spinning wheels, @SweetSouberry.

😂😂 i would pay good money to read it tbh

You don't exclude family from a Christening.

I’d be interested in your friend’s relationship with her inlaws prior to the christening. If it was poor, was she just inviting those she absolutely had to have?

If she likes them generally and it was just for numbers that doesn’t make sense as it sounds like there was room at the venue. But would make more sense if on a budget and they were unpleasant and she’d rather use that budget for her actual friends and supporters.

It’s a difficult one. I’m Christian. My inlaws are not. I absolutely didn’t want them at my daughter’s christening but did it out of obligation. I wish I hadn’t have been so polite. His family ruined the whole day for me. His father spewed racist, misogynistic crap in ear shot of my guests who looked on horrified, and his mother made an absolutely disgusting comment about my changed appearance from a disability which Was ringing in my ears for the rest of that day (and since it’s totally wrecked my confidence).

They aren’t Christian people, they didn’t act in a Christian way on one of the most special days of my daughter’s life and I didn’t have to invite them. I sincerely wish I hadn’t. I organised and paid for the whole ceremony and dinner and drinks afterwards (which is fine, he isn’t Christian but is okay with me raising our daughter in the faith), but it was ruined by his family. Perhaps Op’s friends family are a similar kind of ghastly, the turning up uninvited is positively unhinged, vulgar and trashy behaviour.

You know exactly why they did it.

A christening is about God and family.

The extended family were telling her that they believe her behaviour wasn't compatible with the purpose of a christening

Except I missed my autocorrect had changed twat to that. How annoying!