Just sent this to my 16 & 17 year old

[Nur122]

Guess this isn’t unreasonable
Firstly I love you both lots.
I want to be able to explain that I am disappointed in you both for your lack of respect for how you don’t do the few things in the house like you are meant to like keep your rooms tidy, they are getting worse and more disgusting with old food bowls etc being left in them rather than better. Also you keep leaving stuff lying about the house. I have always been happy doing things for you because I love you and wanted you to have a happy, nice childhood but you are both a lot older now and basically no different from adults so should be able to be a bit more responsible for yourselves without nagging. I’m not expecting you to do the vacuuming, fridge cleaning, bathrooms etc but if you notice a dog poo in the way, or some fly poos somewhere yucky etc there is no reason why you shouldn’t clean them up for example. If you need more storage in your rooms I can help sort it out.
Please do these things out of need and respect.
lots of love mum

and boring

what 16 year old is going to bother reading that

Are they employees or your kids. This is so odd. Why not speak to them

I can understand the impulse of wanting to have this in writing to refer back to, but it's also going to require face to face conversations, possibly several over time. Is there another adult in the household (other parent, stepparent, etc.? If so, make sure to involve them and present a united front.

The text itself is a little bit off - it reads like a hostage statement in a way, and there are places that sound almost ironic or sarcastic. You're probably going to have to be a lot more direct and concrete and matter-of-fact with teens. Saying they don't respect you is just going to get their backs up as they probably have never questioned whether they respect you but just don't want to bother keeping their rooms clean, let alone doing chores. Just tell them what they need to do, and if they need to know why then explain that (1) it has to be done (you may have to spell out the negative impact - e.g., dirty plates attract pests which can spread to other rooms, accumulating dishes in bedrooms results in a shortage for other household members, etc.), (2) you yourself don't have time or energy to do it all, (3) it's not fair to you (and other adults in the house, if applicable) for them not to do their share and (4) they need to develop some skills and good habits before they're off on their own.

I don’t think fly poo is a big priority to them. They will be confused and then screen shot and send to their friends. 🪰💩

This is so odd. Why can't teens pick up poo? Mine walks the dog daily, so is he just supposed to leave it there when the dog goes? He mowed the lawn yesterday and poo-picked first.

To be honest your message sounds a bit... Wet. Passive. Meek. They need their arses kicking, teenagers need blunt, firm boundaries not this wishy washy crap.

It's very wordy. Mine wouldn't read past first few lines.
I would have gone with - I except you to do x,y and z in the house or I'm cheating wifi password 😬

Changing

Expect

Even without the fly poo bit, my 17 yo would be dying of the utter cringe if I sent her that letter.

Why on earth would you write to them rather than just talk to them? Bizarre.

Personally I would have went mad at the pair of them and told them to forget about asking for money, lifts, friends over, holidays etc until they got off their lazy backsides!

WHAT?? no, never seen a fly poop and definitely not anally retentive about cleaning

Are you actually serious OP? Fly poo? What the actual?

I want to be able to explain that I am disappointed in you both

This is a horrible text op. Just horrible. You should have just told them what you expect them to do from now on. Facts. This is really really bad and unfair. What a way to turn them further away from you.

Makes me sad to read tbh. The whole text just leaves you with a shit and conflicting feeling.

Fly poo is a very real thing - we get a lot this time of year. It’s most noticeable on white windows and door frames. Get it on the dining table too. Little black spots. We’re semi rural with cows nearby so wonder if it’s worse and more noticeable because of that.

However I wouldnt be asking my kids to clean it up whatever their age.

I would not send that to my kids, but I totally understand where you are coming from. For some people, it doesn’t matter how often (over the years) you teach your children to load/empty the dishwasher/ washing machine etc, there comes a point when you get fed up of nagging and you think ‘why the hell can’t they do this without the nagging’.

I don’t understand why people have never seen fly poo - it certainly cannot be mistaken for mould. Window ledges, blinds and skirtings are the most common areas.

I get home from work (when 3 people have been home all day) and bring the bins in, spot dog poo in the garden so clear it up.

I think you should have a conversation with your dc, but totally 100% get where you are coming from. Good luck x

It’s somewhere “yucky” apparently. Which every 16 and 17 year old will respond well to 😂

Good luck OP. As an aside though. All those saying if you don’t do chores as a child you’ll have a lazy adult that can’t look after themselves is rubbish. In my family we were never made to do chores. My mother valued childhood as a time where you did fun things and she never wanted any of us to do chores. We all are adults that have done well, keep our homes clean and tidy and washing up to date etc. kids grow up and learn these behaviours. They don’t stay manky teenagers forever.

This is typical AIBU, everyone piling on OP with nothing helpful to offer.

@Nur122 I've often texted something harsh to my DS because he doesn't listen to a word I say, at least with a written communication he isn't immediately defensive and might reread enough times to understand it properly, so I do get it.

I think many teenagers don't see mess and will not have that kind of proactive approach, which is why very clear chores ideally on specific days are better. If it isn't done there is an immediate consequence. With DS I use lifts as leverage, sorry you'll have to walk today, I'm busy as I need to mop the floor because you didn't do it although it was your job. It drives DS crazy and I hate that he needs to be threatened, but it's his choice. I make his lunch every day, I make it for siblings anyhow and I don't mind but I have on occasion said if he doesn't do his chore then I don't do lunch and he can choose. After a week of this extra morning job he always chooses the chore.

It's hard though, he is always trying to get out of doing things and accuses me of being negative towards him when it is entirely of his own making. His younger siblings need reminders but do their chores, he has always been more difficult.

If, as you say, you’ve skivvied for them their whole life then this is what you’ve created. My 9 year old tidies up, helps me clean and does the things you’re not even asking them to do now. Of course she needs to be prompted but she happily helps as I’ve taught her what a harmonious working house and family are like. It’s not detrimental to a ‘happy childhood’ to play your role in the family.

How do you tell the difference between fly poo black dots and just normal everyday dust black dots?

If you'd sent that note to me and my brother as teenagers, we would have roared with laughter, rolled our eyes and possibly had a fight over who hadn't been doing what.

My mother, like you, tried to appeal to our better natures on occasion, but as teenagers we didn't have any.

Literally wouldn't occur to me to ask my 14&16 Yr olds to clean a bathroom. Why should they? They have a lifetime ahead of them for that.

I never had 'chores' and manage to keep my own home clean and tidy.

Why is there fly and dog poo in your home? Struggling to believe this is real.