Just sent this to my 16 & 17 year old

[Nur122]

Guess this isn’t unreasonable
Firstly I love you both lots.
I want to be able to explain that I am disappointed in you both for your lack of respect for how you don’t do the few things in the house like you are meant to like keep your rooms tidy, they are getting worse and more disgusting with old food bowls etc being left in them rather than better. Also you keep leaving stuff lying about the house. I have always been happy doing things for you because I love you and wanted you to have a happy, nice childhood but you are both a lot older now and basically no different from adults so should be able to be a bit more responsible for yourselves without nagging. I’m not expecting you to do the vacuuming, fridge cleaning, bathrooms etc but if you notice a dog poo in the way, or some fly poos somewhere yucky etc there is no reason why you shouldn’t clean them up for example. If you need more storage in your rooms I can help sort it out.
Please do these things out of need and respect.
lots of love mum

I am bamboozled by the idea of fly poo and that it is visible. If my husband told me to clean fly poo I would think he had taken leave of his senses.

The op sounds almost as unpleasant as her poo infested house

Wtf does fly poo look like?!?!?!?

If you leave shit in your garden you have no business lecturing anyone elseon not being a minger.

Close the bedroom doors.
Have the conversation in person.
Everyone who lives in the house has responsibilities but you don't wait until their nearly adults to instigate that

@Babadook76

why do you think op sounds unpleasant?
do her think her teens shouldn’t be helping out round the house or something?

When I was a teenage smartarse I think I might have sent that note back with all the grammar errors marked. Much better to sit down and have a conversation about a fair division of labour that includes expecting them to do their share of vacuuming and cleaning around the house

Literally never.... im looking at mine right no. No fly poo?

They shouldn't be eating in their rooms. You are too soft. It's your house and they have a responsibility to keep their rooms clean and tidy.

Is your dog trained?

Most dogs once trained don't like to poo in their own back yards.

Is your dog not having a poo when they are walked? And the dog walker clears it up?

I think your text is a bit passive aggressive.
It might be better to sit down and talk to them and give them a chance to discuss it with you.

very long
why not…. talk to them

It is. So passive and meek.

Little black dots ARE fly poo! Plus, little splats of brown/yellow are often to be found on the glass. You just haven’t looked close enough!
OP, you should have got them to clean up after themselves years ago! Collecting dirty crockery and cutlery in their bedrooms is not a rite of passage for teenagers, it’s just gross and unacceptable!

This.

You have a communication problem.

The fact that you are leaving them messages rather than talking to them, is part of the problem here. They aren't doing things in part, because there is a breakdown in communication that gone on over a period of time, about what you expect from them.

It should not have reached this point before you needed to communicate disappointment.

Have a think about that as much as the rest of it.

Really unclear passive messaging. 0/5

I fully expect my 3 teens to clean up their bathrooms and not leave them disgusting for subsequent users. Why the hell wouldn't you?!

They should be doing more to contribute to living in the family home as teenagers, not expecting to be bone idle while their mother runs around after them. And where is their father in this anyway?

My Dc from very early teens have been expected to clean their rooms, change and wash bedding and their own clothes. Also clean their bathroom, empty dishwasher, vacuum, help with cooking, walk dogs etc.
I don't provide a maid service. It's done them the world of good as they were self sufficient when they went away to uni.

Just talk to them like adults if you expect them to behave like adults. Not send strange notes.

Also, how would they randomly come across fly poo? It's very specific!

Yes I can understand why you have written this. It is very frustrating indeed. However perhaps you need to be more specific in what you want them to do becasue otherwise they might use an excuse that you didn’t tell them what was needed (shouldn’t be necessary ideally but I speak from experience )

Having been a mother of teenagers l will say this will really piss them off and they will just ignore it. Just talk to them tell them what do and watch while them moan while doing it. Don't worry in about 4 years they will be better humans.

It'd be much easier to get most teenagers to help with hoovering or cleaning the kitchen or other normal household chores than to expect them to clean up the poo of various creatures tbh

Weird priorities.

I got so fed up of having to rummage round the house trying find matching cutlery to eat dinner with, I bought another set that lives in the dining room, the only time it leaves the dining room is to go in and out the dishwasher 😂. I count it out and count it back in.

By matching, I don't mean I was bothered that the pattern/colour didn't match, but the different sets are slightly different lengths and weights and it does feel odd to eat with mis-matched cutlery.

Why not? My teen is in charge of the dog poo and the cat litter trays.

My kids vacuum. My DD just cleaned the fridge before we went in holiday.
You've been to lenient. Be explicit about what you want them to do from now on (their own laundry might be a start).

I’m not sure it’s a good idea to say they’re no different from adults, because it’s possible they’re already stressed about adult expectations and this will just add to it, depending on what they’re doing at the moment, if they’re looking for jobs/moving away to uni soon/thinking about next steps after school etc.

I am NOT saying they shouldn’t be doing chores because they absolutely should, just that it might be better to speak to them in a matter of fact way about dividing chores between everyone in the house and what you expect them to do.

From experience they need a very clear list, I’ve never met a teen who was capable of noticing random things that needed doing unless it directly impacted them, like no clean clothes etc.