Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

The main thing to take away from this is: it's not you. Let me repeat that in capitals. IT'S NOT YOU.

A subset of women behave like this. They literally never grow out of it. They are the friend equivalent of Pick Me girl. They don't even feel like they exist except in relation to the group. I have watched well-groomed, outwardly-confident, professional women behave like this in a work setting, never mind a social setting. I view them as six to twelve year olds emotionally because their emotional growth gets stunted early on.

They're not your problem. Leave them to their shallow lives. You'll be fine OP

I wondered the same about ND (I'm ND) but honestly when people are this shallow just being the only mum can be enough to be left out. Or having brown hair. Or anything really. Groups like this only bond over excluding people.

So sorry OP.
I feel sorry for these women. They are pathetic bitches with no life skills or social decorum and they obviously aren't going to get very far in life if this is how they treat people.
You sound lovely.
Nothing else to say that hasn't already been said, but I hope you try to enjoy the remainder of your holiday doing what you fancy, or if it's not too expensive, go home.
Don't ever speak to your friend again.
It'd be justified if you can make her feel uncomfortable of front of the group before you go. But I'm petty 😅
Solidarity from a fellow geek who doesn't fit in 👊
Take care x

You sound lovely and I’m sorry they’re being so awful. Don’t take it personally, they just sound immature and bitchy.

I’d completely ignore them the rest of the trip and do your own thing. Poolside with a book and a cocktail type thing. Spa trip. And I’d definitely be going NC with this so called ‘friend’.

That's really sad, glad you're making the best of it.

What struck me is that you're the only Mum.
Are you a lot older than them ?
Have you been talking about your kids ?
You might have been boring them.

They sound like horribly, bullying mean girls out of the teen years. I'm so sorry. I will honestly never understand how people can choose to be so nasty to other people.

They are disgusting bullies, and your 'friend' should be absolutely ashamed of herself. What an appalling thing to do to someone, leaving you second guessing all holiday and filled with self doubt. It's utterly inexcusable. Once I got home, I'd block your so-called friend and leave her to it.

I wonder if they needed one more person to get a group rate or something? It sounds horrible. If it was me I'd go home and cut the friendship

Hi OP,

Just wanted to say, it’s definitely not you - different or not, any normal decent, kind human beings would welcome everyone to the group even if you’re a bit different in where you’re at in your life - single, married with kids or not etc.
what a bunch of bitches - you are doing right to try to enjoy your last couple of days and do what makes you happy.

And I’d be dropping your ‘friend’ as soon as you get home xx

She is no friend, please see the other side of your ‘friend’ now and don’t have anything to do with her when you’re back. I’m annoyed on your behalf on how these supposedly grown women have treated you. You sound lovely, so enjoy the lovely place on your own, it will be a lot more pleasant without these nasty groups

Please don’t assume you must have done something wrong. These women are being selfish and unkind. It sounds like they have their own clique(s) and just want to keep with that. I can’t help but wonder if you were invited because someone dropped out and rather than that person having to pay for a holiday they couldn’t go on, or the cost being shared by the rest, they wanted someone else to come to save them money. A horrible thought, but that would speak volumes about them, if they can’t then make the effort to embrace the ‘outsider’. My advice, just do your own thing and enjoy the peace and quiet of walking, reading, swimming etc alone. 💐

You sound lovely ! They have NO manners !

I'd go and do my own thing.

I'd even look at cost of another hotel alone against cost of flight home if you're willing to spend the cash and have it to spend.

If not I'd stay alone and read and enjoy your down time. I'd then get up and travel to airport alone and book yourself in alone so you don't have to fly with them.

Hi OP, I can understand why you feel confused and upset, especially as you are overseas. Definitely a 'pack' mentality and you describe yourself as being different as you are the only parent. The group's behaviour sounds incredibly immature. I would stick it out and enjoy the change of scenery and foreign land.
And a break from your child/ren, as much as you miss them.
A return short notice flight is likely to be very expensive.
As for your friend, let this be a life lesson for you, take care

I wouldn't recommend this. Let her go

Well done OP. It's not you, it's them!

Enjoy every minute of your holiday without worrying or engaging with them anymore.
Out of interest, does it look like they're all getting on and having a good time? I suspect they aren't, the whole holiday is shit and they're using you as the scapegoat to justify why they're having a terrible time.

I'd do the same as you OP, especially as you have your own room.

Enjoy doing 'you' things, take a book and eat when you like, chat with whomever you bump into, there might be far more interesting people there who aren't stuck up bitches who'd be happy to chat and go out for a meal or drinks.

And absolutely, stay out of any pictures. If she's using everyone to up her numbers in the insta game, don't help her out! Even at the airport, go do your own thing. Be the mysterious solo traveller that other travellers are marvelling at because you look so chill and sorted. Not with a squawking group of mean girl wannabes.

You'll take home so much resilience from this, you won't have room for souvenirs!

If you can afford to change your arrangements, I think it would be best if you go home asap. You are clearly having a rotten time and you’d be much happier at home. Leave the rest of them to their holiday. They sound very odd / childish.

What absolute twats. So sorry OP.

God they sound awful! So rude. So unfriendly. Do whatever you want to do at this point. I'd be tempted to make the most of the rest of the holiday rather than faffing about changing flights and potentially losing money. Enjoy the pool, the beach (if there is one), sunbathe, read, eat out somewhere nice if you don't feel too self conscious alone, do some sightseeing, shopping, beauty treatments, whatever you like doing. Enjoy indulging yourself without considering the others. Completely sack them off. Ignore. Ignore. Enjoy. Enjoy. x

This is very true and it’s sad for them really.

I used to be quite envious when I saw big groups of friends on nights out or going on holiday together. I always felt quite inadequate for only having a few close friends.

I realise now that these groups aren’t even proper friends, the pp who commented about “room meat” really summed it up. These are shallow, superficial friendships and none of them probably know each other deeper then surface level.

I might only have a few friends but I know I can call them in the middle of the night if I need to and my best friend is closer to me than my own sister. We speak every day and have been together through thick and thin.

A few years ago my partner couldn’t get time off from work and I was desperate for a holiday so I went alone. It was so liberating and I loved every minute pleasing myself and doing what I wanted.

I read books, swam, used the spa, went on trips, met other people and joined them sometimes but mostly enjoyed my own company.

I saw the big groups and felt relieved I wasn’t part of one and having to follow with whatever the group wanted to do or being involved with complicated friendship dynamics.

I’ve been away several times on my own now and a lot of people find it strange but I find it stranger that some people go away with groups of people they don’t even like just because it makes them look popular.

If you can you should escape .
They really don't sound like nice people at all.
You sound lovely.

This is your problem. Influencer = fake friends and even more fake lifestyles! And they sound like 8 or 9 year olds in the playground!

@Minimili I find this mindset odd- you don’t know that those big groups of friends weren’t ‘proper’ friendships, or that they’re shallow and superficial.