Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

If it were me, I’d just leave and take an earlier flight home. I’d not tell anyone, they wouldn’t care anyway. But out of interest, I’d see how long it took someone to contact me.

They’re not your friends. Well, they weren’t anyway, but neither is your other ‘friend’. She invited you to make up numbers and someone she is clearly influenced by has criticised you, and she’s now avoiding you too. Shit behaviour from shit people.

"I asked my friend if everything is ok but she also seems to be avoiding me."
She's not your friend. In fact, she's a bit of a cunt (and that's not a word I use often).

I would look into getting a flight home. This isn't a holiday for you, holidays are fun. And I'd cut this woman out of my life completely on my return.

((hug))

this might help - most people think of themselves. They might be trying to fit in with each other especially if they haven’t been away together before or very often. I doubt they dislike you but are simply self centred.

you have a rare chance to get some sun (it’s overcast here) and have rest from parenting, stop focusing on being mates with random people and enjoy your lounger, swim etc. Book a treatment. Join them for dinner yes of course but lower your expectations about ‘making friends’ just think of them almost
as business colleagues does that make sense?

“Starting to think I'm annoying without realising it.”
I highly doubt there is anything wrong with you whereas they sound absolutely vile.
Send them a link to this thread and see what they say. I’m not sure how any adult could justify the way they are treating you.
Please don’t start doubting yourself OP.

Obv, you haven't done anything, I'd likely say, I'm a mum and don't get a girls' trip every day and really looked forward to meeting new people and having some fun. I feel like I'm not fitting in here. Have I done something to offend?
Based on their response you can decide to stay and continue to try and join, do things on your own or leave.

I'd go home early if it was at all possible, in your shoes, as long as it didn't cost too much to change flights etc. It sounds as if you have tried everything and it's not really worked, so I'd call it a day. They weren't your friends, they aren't going to be your friends, you'll never see them again (I hope), so don't worry what they think of you. Just send your 'friend' a text from the airport.

She’s not your friend lovely, no friend would treat you so badly. If you can afford to do it, go home.

3 days could feel like a lifetime with these vile women, especially as you’re now very aware of their behaviour. People can be so despicable - your ‘friend’ needs a swift exit from your life from now on.

I think this is bang on. Essentially you are a human shield for her so SHE doesn't get left out.

I literally cannot ever imagine behaving in this way to anyone. I'm sorry you're being treated like this. Either fly home or have a lovely time doing your own thing. I would probably be very direct with your friend first but honestly she is someone I would be putting on my ex friend list.

Some people are saying to go home (I would want to too) but I don’t think OP should because that’s almost like giving in to them.

OP has paid and she shouldn’t have to fork out for more money for an early flight.

She should just try and enjoy herself as best as she can without them all.
(I would try and do really fun things so they are jealous).

And then block them all (especially the so called friend who should be making the most effort).

OP if you don’t mind saying where you are, there may be some MNers who will give you advice on where to go or perhaps even meet for a coffee with you.

You should ask your friend outright why she invited you and why she (and the others) are now ignoring you. Tell your friend how rude she and they all are and be honest and tell her it is upsetting you. I suspect she is putting on an act in front of these other friends unfortunately at your expense.
There’s only a few days left, do your own thing and ignore them all.

I think the previous poster was so right - your friend only invited you to be her back up if the other groups left her out. Now you’re there she is all caught up in the ‘popular girl’ dynamics and being a shit friend. If you’re genuinely missing your little one, just book the next flight and don’t even tell anyone. Just text your friend ‘I’m sorry but had to head home early. Have a great holiday’ I would then be ditching her arse.

This. Enjoy.

Make the most of these last few days, go and have adventures. It might be a long while until you can get away alone again. Get home and let contact with your ‘friend’ fade.

Just text your friend ‘I’m sorry but had to head home early. Have a great holiday’ I would then be ditching her arse.

Honestly IMO grown women really need to communicate more directly than this. Please don’t apologise to her, don’t imply there’s an external reason other than her and her friends’ behaviour for why you needed to leave, and don’t wish her a great holiday unless you actually mean it.

Thanks all

You have made me feel a bit better. You're all so lovely.

I had a little bit of time feeling sorry for myself and then took myself off to the bar for a while. Now I'm in my room relaxing and will be taking a solo walk later where il find somewhere to eat.
Luckily I do have my own room.
The place we are staying in is lovely.
I will have to get on a bus to the airport with them. I plan on just sitting quietly and going through the motions.

An earlier flight would be expensive so I have decided to stay and use it as a rest before going back home to my dc.

I have spoken to my eldest dc too so feel a bit better.

I would not be spending extra money to go home early.

Im with the 'do your own thing' brigade for these last few days, and forget the others.

Good for you! Enjoy the place, have a doze on the bus. Get a book or magazine for the plane. Don’t waste your breath on them xxxx

Well I hope you enjoy your remaining 3 days.

If you don't want to travel with them to the airport, could you go by taxi?

Thanks for the update OP! Very glad to hear you’ve got your own room and it’s a lovely place.

I think you're doing the right thing, no point losing out on even more money. They sound horrible and I wouldn't be bothering with your so called friend again either.
Hope you can have a nice final few days by yourself chilling. Worth having a look if there's any excursions you could go on too, ask at the hotel reception or on Tripadvisor.

This. Freedom to do as you want without people you don't like or kids restricting you.

I second this.

I bet they are getting a kick at leaving you out, mean girls build themselves up by putting others down. Like all bullies if you stand up to them and take their power from them it’ll just make them seem pathetic.

A similar thing happened to me 14 years ago and it still hurts. I went to my best friend’s hen party and I was the only person who was single without children in this situation.
I tried to take an interest and asked about their kids and husbands but was just ignored, the only time I was spoken to was to put me down because I had a different lifestyle.
I worked long hours in a job I loved at the time, had a busy social life and I remember being made to feel completely worthless and immature. I was only 27 but there were lots of comments about how awful my life was because I wasn’t settled down with a family and acting like my life was empty without children.

In the end I got fed up of tagging along behind them and went off and did my own thing. They seemed most put out by this. I went out one evening on my own and met another group of people and came back to the hotel after a great night and just ignored my friend and the group for the rest of the trip. I showed them that I wasn’t up for being bullied but it did hurt.

I also looked and dressed differently to these women and felt like I was ruining the aesthetic of the group which was especially hurtful.
I had bought some silly hen might accessories and a sash and tiara for my friend was treated like I’d brought crack cocaine! The bag was hurriedly taken off me by one of the other women who shook her head in disapproval and said “We will NOT be be needing this! We are grown adults not silly teenagers”
When I tried to order a 3rd bottle of wine to be shared between 12 women when we went out for a meal someone commented on my issues with alcohol.
Looking back on it now it was all quite strange and the funny thing is most of these women are divorced and I’ve been with my partner for over 10 years.

Are you neurodivergent like a pp asked? Sometimes people do pick up on it, mean girls like the group you are with tend to pick on anyone who is different.
Your comments about being annoying stood out to me, I feel like I annoy people or don’t fit in and struggle around groups and I’m neurodivergent.
I think sometimes it’s in my head but sometimes I stand out among neurotypical people. I’ve learned to accept it and most of my friends and partner are also neurodivergent, they also struggle in big groups of strangers.

If you go off and do your own thing it’ll be better for your self esteem and show these bitches that they aren’t getting to you. Try and enjoy yourself so it’s not a complete waste of money and time. If you really don’t want to stick it out and prefer to go home and it’s not too big an inconvenience then just leave without saying goodbye.

Let them find someone else to pick on - because they will. I bet most of them are just going along with leaving you out because they are relieved it’s not them on the receiving end.

You sound lovely OP and deserve to be treated with more respect then this.

You sound lovely, and resilient (even if you don't feel it).
They sound like silly little girls.
I hope you can enjoy the rest of your time there.
When you get home - seriously reconsider this 'friendship'.

Their loss, just enjoy your time your way, don't indulge them by seeming upset. Some of them may genuinely not know you are out of both groups, but that doesn't excuse being rude.

Glad to see your update
It's great you have your own room as you can literally do whatever you like
You've made a good plan and it sounds like there is enough to do where you are
I hope the weather is kind to you. Enjoy