Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, I would fly home and not even tell your friend you are leaving.

I think just leaving is a little drastic, just style it out if you have just a few days left explore on your own, just put it down to experience, maybe find some cool little presents for DC? Treat yourself etc. These girls all sounds like dicks OP x

What the actual?! 😆 that's batshit!!

So glad to read your update and that you've your own room.

I would not liaise with them from now on, go down for breakfast on your own and do your own thing.

If you pass one of them at the pool and there's eye contact a nod in passing if you dont want to feel bad on the bus and plane home.

If your so called friend challenges you just say calmly I don't feel welcome in either group so am doing my own thing.

But after you get off the plane block the harpies and never speak to 'friend" again.

Feel so sorry for you but rise above the snidey fuckers.

@geekygirldoesnotfitin

Glad you're feeling better and especially that you have your own room. Enjoy your 'me time'.

I think I'd see if there was alternative transport to the airport, even if it was a bit more. How nice it would be to arrive via taxi (or Uber) knowing they're on a crowded bus lol. And I'd check with the airline about any empty seats to see if you can swap your seat assignment.

☹️ some girls are just full of their own self importance 🩷

As others have said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you OP and a hell of a lot wrong with the people you are with. They are behaving disgracefully, and it's your bad luck you have ended up on holiday with such a horrible bunch.
Ignore them for the rest of the trip and try to make the best of the few days you have left. At some point you should tackle your 'friend' and demand an explanation. Then dump her.

The OP said she was asking about them and trying to make general conversation.

Anyway even if you do think someone is boring you don't exclude them on a holiday. The worst person for this is the friend who invited her. She's a real selfish mean-girl. She shouldn't have invited someone on holiday and then isolated them. It's beyond rude as is the leaving the pool when the OP gets in and getting in when she leaves.

I often find certain people's conversation to be less than diverting. I don't seek those people's company out but I would never exclude them or ignore them on a night out. It's so unkind.

Honestly op this is awful to read. How grown women can be so rude and exclude you is just shocking.

So what if you're different to them if you're the only one with kids surely they could just be polite amd include you in the chat. The whole getting out of the pool then back in is schoolkid behaviour.

I hope you can mentally survive the journey home then please block the 'friend' who invited you in the first place. What a bunch of nasty people .

OP you sound really nice and I'd much rather talk to you than the nasty, bullying women. At least that frenemy has shown her true colours. I bet she'll fawn round you when you get back. Resist at all costs.

No OP. I can guarantee you wouldn’t have done anything wrong.

Some women can be bitchy. And carry on their mean girl cliques after finishing school.

It doesn’t matter if you look, dress and act different to them. It doesn’t give them the right to exclude you and ignore you.

I bet they all slag each other off behind their backs anyway. Life is so much better with a few good trusted friend then big groups of judgemental idiots.

It will feel really lonely, but do your own thing. YANBU to want to go home but I’d just stick out the next couple of days and enjoy some peace at the beach or exploring the local area.

I’d start enjoying my own company. Get up early have my breakfast, relax by the pool, get myself some snacks and wine for my room, sit on the balcony if there’s one. I’d even chat to other people, go to the spa etc. Tbh sounds like bliss. However, what your friend has done is unacceptable and she’d be no friend of mine when I returned home.

So how are any of these people including your 'friend' going to know how miserable the way they have all treated you has made you feel on this holiday? Without a doubt I would have gone home and told her exactly why after reminding her she practically begged you to go. I would also be re-evaluating this friendship and never going away with her again.

So called friend would be jettisoned as soon as possible when back home .

By the way OP. Sitting relaxing in a local bar or in the hotel bar with a glass of wine can be very restorative. Often hotels have a stash of books left by guests so you can grab something to read and then I usually sit at the bar so I can chat to the bar staff as well.
Enjoy!

@geekygirldoesnotfitin I think you're doing the right thing.

They sounds horrible but if you left I think it would give them ammunition to call you rude or dramatic or whatever.

By just quietly getting on and enjoying your holiday by yourself shows them that they are inconsequential to them.

And yes, don't waste your money on an earlier flight.

Relax, chill out, enjoy the peace and quiet.

Your friend sounds like a nasty piece of work to ask you on holidays and then completely ignore you, I'd be cutting her off no explanations given once I got home

I'm sorry, but you are still justifying their behaviour. If they were decent human beings they would make an effort to include the OP.

DD (23) introduces her friends from different friendships groups to each other, as do her friends. They make friends with each other's friends.

These two groups sound quite possessive about their own friendship groups. I might expect this from a schoolkid, but not from adults.

Get a flight home asap and because I’m bitter I wouldn’t tell them. See how long it takes anyone to notice you have left!

It sounds like someone dropped out and didn’t pay their share and you were begged to come to save them from forking out the extra.
Ask Your friend why she invited you when she’s not spent any time with you and tell her how you feel. If she fibs you off, the friendship is over I’m afraid xx

Poor you op, it sounds awful. I think they are just not very nice, cliquey people. I’d be leaving and not bothering with the friend after this.

Nah, I wouldn't bother. Anyone who would be as unkind as OP's 'friend' has been doesn't deserve to know they've upset me and wouldn't be bothered they had anyway.

I'd get home and simply drop the friendship with no explanation.

I'd ask my friend WTF is going on and then just act if I were on holiday on my own, do my own thing, and as if the others were just random guests in the hotel.

This is one of life’s lessons

I’m not sure how old you are, but I’m in my 20s and learned this lesson through a friend’s wedding last year when it was awkward after her different friendship groups started to mingle and her friendship priorities became obvious. Some people were definitely “numbers” invites and felt uncomfortable. Looking back, it would have been easier if the bride introduced the different groups of people before her hen night and before her wedding to give them the opportunity to pull out.

In your case, never go on holiday with people you don’t socialise with in real life. You can’t be sure if you’d even invite them to your house, why on earth would you jump to the extreme of spending a holiday with them? If you had a night out with these people before you went on holiday, you’d have probably declined the holiday invite.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong to these people but for whatever reason you’re not their cup of tea, there might be some peer pressure/group bullying at play and they don’t want to include you. Personally I’ve never done that to someone, so I’m not sure what the issue is. However I do think your friend should have made more of an effort to introduce and include you

Are you sharing a room? This must be absolutely horrendous 😢