Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

I wouldn’t go home but I would plan full day activities that don’t involve anyone else.

If anyone says anything then say exactly what you’ve said on here.

I know sometimes people can unintentionally be left out but this isn’t unintentional.
Any of them would be able to see that you are on your own and that they haven’t asked you questions and things.

All of them sound awful.
If I was there I would be making extra effort with you.

I would treat it as a solo trip from now on and just please yourself, trying to avoid the lot of them. I think I would say/message your friend to point out that she invited you and is now acting like you're an inconvenience. Give her the chance to sort herself out, but it feels like the friendship is dead.

What's the location like? I'd plan a lovely couple of days for myself and act as if it were a solo holiday. Don't blame yourself, you've just had the bad luck to go on holiday with a bunch of weirdos. And your friend is not as nice as you thought

'Room meat'

I agree. It’s really depressing that grown women can still act like bitchy school girls.

if you can afford it I would go home. Send a text from the airport telling them what immature nasty cows they are.

Sorry to hear this.

I would pack my bag, not tell anyone and go home. If you stay, you'll be on the same flight and have that nasty taste in your mouth.

Go home to your kids and ignore any messages from your 'friend'.

Nothing you have done apart from turn up and be slightly different to the others
My guess is that a few of them will look back and be ashamed of their behaviour in a few years time when they have children. The rest will be utter arseholes their whole life and will treat those in the group the same when they announce their pregnancies

My guess is these groups like to pick on one person it gives them something to live for and it is holiday entertainment

Either ignore and avoid them and do your own thing for the rest of the holiday. Stay in when they go out and go out when they stay in. Don’t know where you are but sometimes there are other groups and solo travellers who you meet that are more on your wavelength than the people you come on holiday with.

Or think “Fuck this”and quietly book a flight and leave for the airport when no one is around and permanently block your friend

How old are these women because they sound like they are still at school and too young to be going on any holiday without their parents to have them play nice.

You don't deserve this!

How old are they?

I'd get a flight home without telling them and leave a note on the table explaining why!

If you do go home I wouldn’t bother explaining anything. They know why and will feel victorious then start on your friend because she invited you

You poor thing. It's bullying really to actively exclude you like that and I can't believe your friend isn't doing more. My cousin's hen weekend was like that. I felt really excluded, mostly by my cousin who was the only one I knew out of the group and who had insisted that I come! I saw her true colours then. She really couldn't have cared less if I was there or not

YANBU. I'd feel exactly the same

I bet you were invited to make up the numbers to spread the cost. Perhaps someone cancelled. Your friend is a total cow for allowing you to be excluded like this. If you leave now they might invite one of their other friends to fly out and have your space so I would be tempted to stay, do your own thing and not make any effort with any of them and then block the lot when you get home.

I'd go home, these people aren't worth your time, I'd message the friend from the airport to say you're taking an early flight home (if you don't say anything then you'll be accused of making them faux worry you'd gone missing) but no other explanation. They are cows, pure and simple.

Big hug op - it sounds awful and shame on your friend for allowing this nonsense.

If it was me I’d go home to your family who love and cherish you. And block your friend.

Where are you? Is it somewhere you could book any excursions by yourself?
I think id try and just please myself for 3 days.
You havent done anything wrong. Try and get some relaxation in, some swimming, reading, sightseeing etc.
Fuck them all.

^X100

If you can go home then do, if not then distance yourself completely and do your own thing. I wouldn’t sit near them or engage at all anymore but I do think you should tell your so called friend that you think she’s behaved really badly and you are done. Maybe wait til your home if you don’t want to risk a backlash but their behaviour is awful and you should tell her.

An 'influencer'? Ha ha, that's tragic. I would fuck them off OP, go do your own thing, and have the best time you can in the last three days.

What absolute horrible people to do this to you. I'd love friends to go on holiday with but I don't have any. Enjoy your own company for now, chat to other friends on the phone, face time your family , enjoy being you xx

I’d either go home, not bothering to tell them or your so called friend, or if not possible i’d just do my own thing. Either way I wouldnt bother with any of them.

Sorry you're having a shit time, OP. Both groups sound really rude and childish.

Since you're already away, I would research some places/activities that you would love to do and just go on your own. No need to explain or apologise to the others; just imagine it as a little 'me time' break away from the responsibilities of home.

To be honest @geekygirldoesnotfitin it’s up to your friend to introduce you, check in with you etc and not the others … it is extremely unlikely you have done anything wrong. I’d try and enjoy the last few days doing what I want, unless the airline might let you change dates for a low fee and you really can’t stick it out.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, OP. You sound like a decent and considerate person. They all sound like spineless bullies.

If you can go home, then that's what I'd advise you to do. To completely remove yourself from them isn't going to possible, assuming you're sharing rooms, and if you're all inclusive?

Is there a group chat for everyone? I think I'd just get organised and leave. Send a message from the airport and say you've gone home. Nothing more or less, then block, including the friend.

She deserves no more explanation than the rest of them. Shame on her.

I wouldn't go home, but I would move to a different hotel and spend the rest of my days doing my own thing and enjoying my own company. Then I'd just pop my sunglasses on and blank them at the airport if I'm getting the same flight home as them.

I agree with this, they know what they're doing and so does your so called friend. I'd find out how much a flight home would be then if it wasn't extortionate I'd go home, sure what you'd spend on meals, drinks and other activities could be similar cost of a return flight but you wouldn't have to be treated appallingly by those wagons.

If you decide to go home I wouldn't bother even telling them you're going, I'd just go and block them and let them figure it out.

Where have I made excuses for anyone? The OP's 'friend' who invited her should be, if anyone, the person who feels responsible for making sure she's not feeling left out, but as she appears to have washed her hands of her, it's not clear whether anyone else will even have noticed, as she's a total stranger to them.

If they're two essentially separate groups, who don't really know one another but are tight-knit within each group, it's perfectly possible each group thinks she's a member of the other group. It's likely no one (other than the 'friend who invited her?) is being consciously unpleasant. they're just not seeing beyond their own group. Most people, most of the time, aren't actively malicious, just thoughtless.

It sounds like a pretty weird holiday dynamic, anyway, if there are two groups who barely know one another apart from via the OP's friend, and she has 'chosen' one group over the other, plus the poor OP, who knows no one other than her 'friend', is feeling unwell, and is missing her child.

Best wishes, OP and hope you find something fun for yourself between now and going home. 💐