Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

This sounds very patronising, thinking that passing someone round a group of people is the kind thing to do. Remember there were two groups here with the common denominator being the so-called "friend". If you organise any social event you have an obligation, as host, to make everyone feel included and welcome, not ignored and ostracised, even more so if that is a holiday in another country. When people have been specifically invited, ie not a random who is tagging along, you don't just ignore them and let them be treated like shit by two other sets of self-obsessed bastards.

I think this lady is well rid of them all. From the sounds of it she behaved in a decent and dignified way. Helping one of the others when she was unwell and not chucking a hissy fit and demanding to be included.

ALL of the others on the holiday are equally in the wrong for being so unpleasant. It doesn't take much to be nice to someone. I have just moved 250+ miles to a new town and am staying in an hotel while decorating etc is being done. EVERYONE in the hotel, staff and guests, have been lovely and friendly. My new neighbours have been welcoming and I've met loads of their dogs. If literal total strangers can be like this, why can't fellow holiday makers at least make the effort to be.

It sounds as if they are all products of the "internet age" and are more concerned with their instagram images than any real friendships.

In the future when their looks have faded and their "influence" is no more they will be on the outer and friendless and this lady will still be a kind and decent person.

I saw a quote once which said "Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone".

Well said @VeryHappyBunny

Glad you got home safely and away from that toxic environment. I have been treated like this in the past and am now very, very wary of who I spend time with.
I know that I do not always read social cues very well due to being ND and find hints instead of straight forward behaviour really, really hard but I am amazed at how selfish and unkind so many people can be! Kindness costs nothing!
if it were me I would compose a clear whatsapp/messanger/email or whatever to the “friend” expressing how disappointed you were with her behaviour and that of the whole group. I would say that you found them deeply immature and the bitchy comments about the ill person sealed your low opinion of them all. You are cross that she persuaded you to come on the holiday and spend money to be treated like a pariah and will not be seeing her again.

Thank you.

No advice to give, but just want to offer you a huge hug. They sound like horrible people, you deserve so much better sweetheart 💐💖
Xx

Glad you managed to escape early OP

Hope you left a big note saying what a bunch of bitches they are

It has happened to me, there's no real reason sometimes. People in groups can behave cruelly. Glad you escaped.

@geekygirldoesnotfitin

So just out of curiosity, has your 'friend' tried to contact you?

(You obvs don't have to reply if you'd rather not)

That is just extremely nasty behaviour. Your friend knows exactly what she is doing. Any real friend would actively involve you with the group of friends and make a point of including you. To behave in the way she has, indicates a different slant on the friendship. I cannot believe an adult woman could behave in such a manner. Is there an element of jealousy she feels towards you being married etc? It is like she invited you to show you how many friends she has and how popular she is. Nobody would treat someone like that. Even the girls you don't know would surely make an effort to include you and get to know you. I would. I also feel there is something else going on here. They don't deserve your precious time. You should go home and make them all aware, especially your so called friend, why you're going and cut all contact with her. She is not your friend. I am speechless at her treatment of you. It just doesn't make any sense. She invited you knowing you were on your own and knew no one, yet has completely ignored and excluded you from activities. It's almost like she's punishing you for some perceived slight. Maybe you were there just to make the numbers up, whatever the reason, she and her spiteful group of friends have acted appallingly. Have no more contact with her when you return home.

Any news OP? Has your friend been in touch?

Agree totally. I would tell your ‘ friend’’ how you were made to feel on your return and question her as to why you were asked when you were treated so badly. Very sorry you’ve had a miserable time

listen to your gut
go home xx

If you had read the thread or at least only OP's replies on this thread, you'd have known OP has been home for DAYS now, @AgileGreenSeal .

Go to the gym.

Wow!! Thanks for the update!
I’m new here so not familiar with how this all works. You certainly made me feel welcome.

Hi they are not your friends.
l wiuld get a flight home if you can.
if not enjoy your holiday by the beach eith a few drinks and book and enjoy the sights.
dont ever look back ~

Read the OP's updates. she has been home for several days now.

This 👆👆

There’s something really ironic about the snarky comments addressed at those who are just “catching up” with this thread.

what a warm, welcoming place MumsNet is! Don’t put a foot wrong or you’ll get pounced on and told off!!

Similiar thing happened to me years ago. I realised I was just there to avoid 'friend' having to pay single person supplement. You have been used and deserve better. End toxic friendship.

Is she really your friend? I’d go home - don’t tell anyone. Just take yourself off quietly. Then, in your place, I’d drop her.

It (nicely) is nothing to do with you.

You could be anyone and it would play out like this. It's group dynamics.... they came to enjoy time with established friends and for whatever non personal to you reason... aren't up for making a new one.
I've had similar and am confident and extroverted. Its also happened to a few friends who were left asking"what is wrong with me?"
Answer NOTHING
i don't waste my time or money on this sort of thing now.

The person who is an arsehole is your friend who should be sticking with you as you are the only one solo.

Glad you left early. It was not nice that they were mocking the other person. But at least you know they were just a bunch of bitches who needed someone to pick on. Unfortunately it was you for most of the time - but that is no reflection on you, but it speaks volumes about them.

All posts have dates on unless it’s ‘today’.

I think you are the one who is overreacting. The comment to you wasn’t rude but your response was.

I actually commented because I saw another poster had been on the receiving end of a pile of snark for making the same awful mistake I made- ie having the temerity to respond to the original post without checking for updates. 😱