Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

If that's how you would treat strangers then you're no better than those horrible women

Were you one of the mean girls at school too?

Sorry for the way it worked out. It was very unkind of them and I can imagine how it made you feel, but it's on them, not you.

You sound very nice, and like you'd be a great friend to have.

I'm ND, and this happens to me a lot, which makes me withdraw more/even quieter for future events so it's like a self fulfilling prophecy.

I always feel like an outsider, and even with my 'best friend', if others are around I'm the one on the peripheral of everything, eg, they'll all sit next to each other 1st and I'll be left in the other side of the table or having to squeeze onto the end of the row. They'll save each other seats, but not me.
I'm usually not in many, if any, photos of any nights out as I just don't get asked to join in and feel odd pushing my way in. Eg, I might be in 1 or 2 of a 100 photos.

I think it's probably worse now than what it used to be as because I now already feel like an outsider when I go out with them, I'm already a bit more withdrawn/ looking for it and tend to probably come across as not wanting to join in.

In the past, I mentioned to my friend that I feel a bit left out sometimes, but she thinks it's just me being daft, and maybe it is, but it's how I feel. I'm also older by 10 years, so maybe our differences have just become naturally more pronounced now I'm getting older and slowing down.

So you were the original victim of the group bullying and you got ill, then another woman got ill and she was slagged off - sure it wasn't the old laxatives in the coffee going on here?! They really do sound like a right bunch of mean girls. Hopefully you'll just tell your 'friend' to sod off, put the whole experience behind you and get on with the rest of your life.

@geekygirldoesnotfitin

One of the women was ill and some of the others were being awful about her and were laughing at her.

So it sounds as if once you left the group, they needed and found another 'goat'.

I'm glad you were able to get home early. Being cocooned in our own family is the best cure for life's 'hurts'.

I've tried putting myself in the middle of things, eg, taking the central seat, but I just feel like I'm an annoyance to people, and that if they wouldn't naturally want to sit next to me (which they usually don't), I shouldn't push it as I'll only end up feeling awkward.

Hope you enjoy your few days relaxing before you go back to work. 🙂💐

You are in the wrong thread, but your local Facebook dog group or local appreciation society will give you recommendations for people who will sit your dog or look after them in their own home. It's quite a boom industry where I live (London) so surely you can do better than kennels.

@Deathraystare
@Yalta

I think you have mixed me up with @zingally

I was challenging her. If I had been in either group of friends I would have gone out of my way to make @geekygirldoesnotfitin feel welcome. Having said that, I don't have friends who would behave like that in the first place.

Personally, I don't really find a great deal of fault with the other people there... Remember, you are a stranger to them. On holiday, it's natural to want to stick around with, and socialise with, your actual friends/family. Not some random stranger who always seems to be tagging along. They don't know you from Adam. And although it's a bit unkind to seem to be purposely leaving you out, they are under no obligation to adopt you into the fold. Presumably they paid the same money you did for the holiday, and want to spend it with the people they already know and like. Not a Random.

Found the Mean Girl. OP didn't "tag along", she was specifically invited. No excluse for unkindness. You'd also do well to remember that in future in your own interactions with others.

@RampantIvy
Apologies then!

She wasn't invited by the other women though. She was invited by ONE mutual. OP said herself, she didn't know any of the other women, and they didn't know her.
She was a stranger to them.
All the fault here lies with the "friend" who invited her. And while it would have been nice for them to make her feel more included, I can understand why they were not apparently falling over themselves to do so.

Post on the doghouse page. I am sure you will get some helpful advice.

I'd ask the friend why she bothered to, not only invite me, but encourage me to go, I'd she and her friends are just going to treat me like pariah the entire time we're there!

.And while it would have been nice for them to make her feel more included, I can understand why they were not apparently falling over themselves to do so.

They were deliberately excluding though-not even being civil!

Then they'll be the ones who miss out in the longrun.

DH and I have met some fantastic people whilst on holiday and had a blast with them. I still keep in touch with one couple 16 years later.

We are just as happy on our own but have had a great time with others too. I'm very glad I don't have the same myopic outlook: we'd have missed out on a lot.

I can understand why they were not apparently falling over themselves to do so.

I personally can't understand deliberately excluding and being unkind to someone so that says more about you than anything.

I agree. I just couldn't be that much of a bullying twat to someone. It's not hard to include someone in a conversation. Getting out of a pool when OP got in to avoid her is really childish, mean girl behaviour. I'd expect better from teenagers -in grown adults it's beyond pathetic and sad. You don't need to "fall all over someone" to ask how they are or if they want a drink. It's hardly going to ruin their holiday to be nice is it. They enjoyed having a good old bitch and bully; that much is obvious from the nastiness when one of their own group fell ill. Some people are just arseholes.

I am sorry to hear your "friend" behaved so appallingly. You deserve so much better. I am glad to hear you managed to get an earlier flight.

"On holiday, it's natural to want to stick around with, and socialise with, your actual friends/family. Not some random stranger who always seems to be tagging along."

I'd find it a bit too intense to only talk to the same friend all week. I suppose my natural is different, but I'd be pleased to get to know someone else too.

It’s one thing preferring to speak to people you know, but completely another thing turning your back on them and getting out of the pool when they arrive, then getting back in once they leave. That’s unbelievably rude.

@zingally

"Not a Random."

I think you really do understand the other women who were on the trip with the OP but the rest of us on this thread think that deliberately excluding someone who is a fellow guest on a trip is unkind and rude. You are right that the mutual friend had an obligation to include the OP but the rest of the group ostracizing someone on a trip for several days just because they refuse to get to know her is still cruel and shitty behaviour.

Hope you are OK.

I hope you felt comfortable to confront your friend, but if you didn't I'd follow it up with a text and call her out on her bullshit and definitely walk away. Reading your posts it just echoed the mean girls movie, and made them all sound like teens.

I have experienced similar before and it's soul destroying and embarrassing especially when you've done nothing wrong. They just enjoy bringing others down to make themselves feel better.

Sounds like you have three other great friends anyway and don't need this so called one. Some trips are more about the lesson we learn than the trip itself. They all sound so shallow and not genuine and will likely all turn on each other at some point, which it sounded like was starting to happen anyway.

The other women were guests, so of course they didn't get to invite anyone. OP's friend was the one who ran the whole thing and invited everyone. You're acting like the friend was not the one who organised it, was not in charge, and just decided to invite the OP after the fact, to tag along. OP is (was, since she's now back home) as equal a guest as the other 2 groups, neither of whom knew each other, either! Both of the two groups were strangers to each other, even forgetting the OP. So there are no excuses for how she was treated. As the leader, OP's friend should have made sure OP was included. After all, it was her party, and she chose who was invited.

Yet somehow those two groups of strangers managed to bond just fine, while walking away from OP and getting out of the pool when she tried to engage them in conversation. I agree it's the friend who is mainly at fault, but you can't absolve the groups either. They knew there was one person who didn't know either side but collectively they chose to deliberately excluded her.

Sorry, in case it's not clear, that's me agreeing with you @SoreAndTired1!

And yet @zingally keeps making excuses for their awful behaviour. I would never treat someone the way these horrible women have to the OP.

I used to be very shy and unconfident. As a result I go out of my way to include people in social situations.

Am I being too mean to wish the rest of the party a difficult journey home?