Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

I'm of the same ilk as yourself.
Really feel for op truly awful to be somewhere when it's patently obvious you're not welcome.

I suppose that's what you get when you go away with an "influencer" and her acolytes? OP, I hope you have some seriously unflattering photos of them with their eyebrow paint running, or not holding in their stomachs, or whatever, for your own social media purposes! 😂

Seriously, it's not you, it's them. Enjoy your time without them, just roll your eyes at any comments on the way home, and never think of them again (except when you need a laugh).

Been following...I agree with others saying to find some nice things to do and make the most of the last few days. I'd be googling Best restaurants/bakeries/ cafes/music venues/spas etc. look for a drop in yoga/workout in the park (i did this in Japan!), check out a museum or a few landmarks, theatre, hop on/off tourist bus, anything, but I'd jam-pack my days and take loads of pics to share with my family once home. Might be your only chance for a while til you can travel again! Don't let these bitches bring you down!!! 💥

Enjoy some free time and sod them. Have fun by yourself. Nothing wrong with that. Who needs cows like them.

Personally, I think you've paid for one of their holidays.

Often if you're booking for a bigger group, tour operators offer "15th person free", or something like that. I think she begged you to go to make up the numbers, and someone is getting a freebie and laughing at your expense.

I'm so sorry this has happened OP.

Try to stick it out for the few days you have left, if you can, in case it costs you financially to get an earlier flight home. Are there places nearby you could take yourself off to that would interest you? It sounds to me as if these people are being quite rude and ignorant, and your friend isn’t being supportive of you either. Bare it out for the few days left, if you possibly can, then evaluate your relationship with this friend once you are home - do you really want her in your life after this, or not? Chalk it up to experience, then prioritise what is more important to you. I’m so sorry that you are finding yourself in this situation. Shame on them all, really, for treating you in this way.

If you’re in a hotel ask if they have a sister hotel nearby. Sometimes you can use the facilities at another hotel.

As a man I still can't fully comprehend that tribal side of some women and why they do that. I can think of all the situations as a teenager or grown man where I wouldnt know the other guys in a social setting but no one would make me feel uncomfortable as an outsider.

@geekygirldoesnotfitin my heart breaks for you honestly, this would be an awful position to be in!

having said that.. you are away from home, enjoy the break as others have said go back home refreshed. Is there a spa nearby you can book into and get yourself pampered for a day? Any lovely day trips you can do? Boat trips or wildlife watching etc depending on where you are ofc.

I hope you found somewhere lovely to eat and explored without them making you feel shitty.

I can’t understand a group of grown women going out of their way to behave like this to one person unless they’ve done something REALLY awful, how old are they? Sounds very juvenile!

OP they sound horrible. Get a good book and chill for a couple of days. Ditch your friend when you get home x

You sound lovely, they sound insufferable! I hope you don't let these immature fools knock your confidence. I'd also be reassessing the friendship with that friend, she is no friend to sit back and watch you be treated this way.

Enjoy a lovely break for the rest of the time and just do whatever will help you refresh.

Way to read into my post…. I stand by that fact that I would not be addressing it while they’re all still on the holiday as they sound like the types who would relish the drama.

Imagine she told her the exact reason, while they are all still boozed up on holiday, they’d be dissecting it as a big group and talking about her etc. So that is why I’d wait to ditch her after she was back. And would be telling her why.

My partner and I have discussed the difference between men and women's friend groups and I agree with you. When I was a rep is when I first noticed the difference, and I'd often see or speak to young women who felt pushed out but can't recall it ever being an issue with the young men.

That made for a sad read, OP. You genuinely sound lovely. I think you've just unfortunately found yourself with a group of tossers. You've made all the effort you need to make, and more, so put yourself first for the last few days. Fuck 'em quite frankly. I'd be tempted to let them know they were a shower of wankers but I can understand if you'd rather not do that.

They're absolutely a shower of mean girl wankers though.

I speak from experience when I say this as I too am a larger woman but that's what it'll be, OP. I hate to have to say it but this is genuinely what some people are like. I used to be stick thin and cannot emphasise quite how much attitudes have changed towards me now, compared to when I was slim. Night & day. It's as though some people think you're a bit......simple. That being overweight is contagious or something or that other people will think less of them for being seen with a plus size woman. 🤨

Either way, you don't deserve this shit. I would leave for the airport asap but whilst they're out and see how long it takes them to notice. I would then go completely NC with this so called friend. Sounds like she was just trying to avoid an under occupancy fee perhaps? The bitch!

This is just giving in to them and letting her/them get away with exactly what they had planned! Don't be a doormat 💐

This post is heartbreaking to read.

Having work with kids years ago IMO I'd notice that boys were either black or white, they'd either be right toads or behaved quite well, you pretty much knew, with girls there's a grey area where some could be down right nasty little bitches to other girls and see no wrong in their behaviour. It seems some never grow out of it.

OP I'm glad to read you're going to stay, it won't be long before you're back to the hustle and bustle of home life so enjoy every minute of the next few days and although easy to say just ignore the company you're unfortunate enough to find yourself in.

On leaving day I'd get the bus, sit where you choose to sit, same when on the plain, unless seats are already reserved and once landed at home I'd lose myself in the crowd at the airport collect my case, if you've one from the belt and make my way off home on my own and never look back on your time away or associate with any of those people again.

You do sound really nice, you’ve made attempts to befriend these people, and join in with them, and have been rebuffed.

Clearly you need to drop this person on your return home,

You are doing just as I would, relaxing and enjoying yourself from now on. Dont worry about them, or bother to talk to them really, get some books to read and get yourself a nice meal.

Have a lovely time, and I hope you are feeling much better.

Make sure to never speak to your friend again, apart from to tell her what a cow she is.

Glad you feel better. And by the way, you sound absolutely lovely. So the other people on the holiday are obviously just being nasty and need to start acting their age. Don’t make any effort to engage with them or the so-called ‘friend’. I would feel tempted to write to your friend after you get home. Don’t let her get away with it. Tell her exactly how she and her pals made you feel. Their behaviour has been awful.

Absolutely.

I'm feeling so bad for you, I simply can't understand why your 'friend' invited you tbh. Would it have been something to do with reducing the cost if an extra person on the booking? But seems very cruel to treat you this way. As only 3 days left, I would make the most of it, but do your own thing. On your return let her know what you think of her and her other ' friends ' It's definitely not you, don't doubt yourself, they are just not very nice people by the sounds of it.

They sound horrible!

Try and enjoy the rest of your holiday. I would seriously be reconsidering the friendship when you return home x

I’m sure not all of them are, i have a few friends who are part of large friendship groups, some of them are close but some just don’t seem to know each other below surface level.

My sister has lots and lots of friends and goes away with big groups and nights out, when it comes down to it though when she really needs a shoulder to cry on, someone to give her a lift to the airport or feed her cat whilst she’s away she doesn’t really have anyone.

She got lots of cards and flowers when our mother died but no one by her side at the funeral or the days that followed.

She said she realised she has lots of people she can have a cocktail with and to post selfies on social media but she wanted to actually have a proper conversation sometimes.
She has a very close friend now and said she values that one friend far more than all the others together.

Mean girls the lot of them.