Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

If you can afford the extra cost of leaving early I would absolutely go home and not even tell them. If not, I would completely ignore them and do not join in with meals etc - just do your own thing and enjoy a good book or see the sights. I would block your so called 'friend' and never speak to her again. It would be appalling enough to endure this behaviour if she had invited you on a night out but to drag you away from your DC for a 'holiday' and then ignore you is so unacceptable on every level. Don't waste a nano second on these bitches - even if you had said something offensive (which I doubt very much) there is no excuse to treat someone like that! Sorry this as happened to you but move on from this and don't dwell other people's poor behaviour!

Life's too short. Get off home and tell your 'friend' not to do that to you again cos it felt shit!

Wow sorry to hear you’re experiencing this 😭 you’re certainly not being unreasonable to want to go home - you’ve been made to feel uncomfortable on a holiday that you were invited to…you’ve also been marginalised and ignored without an explanation, leaving you feeling puzzled about the whole situation. I’d probably enjoy the remainder of the holiday on my own, sightseeing and enjoying good food. I’d let my friend know I’m doing my own thing but once we return home I’d probably reconsider our friendship and move on.

Obviously this person is not a real friend, I'm sorry. At least you know now.

It's a blessing that you have your own room -avoiding them all is so much easier that way. If you get on the airport transport early hopefully you can sit away from them all and then headphones in and "fall asleep" on the plane. They can all fuck off into oblivion after that; you never have to speak to them or see them again. I'd block the "friend" the second I got off the plane. She's the worst of them all by far. Enjoy the last few days OP, have some nice lay ins and walks. You'll be home before you know it and it will all be a memory.

My advice would be to leave and go home asap. Once home block them all and go no contact with all of them.

Hope you are ok op. They sound really mean.

something must have happened with your friend- she got the wrong end of some stick or other. Hope it ends quickly, you get some form of a holiday and you have a lovely time when you get home x

I feel really bad for you

Normal average people can do things that aren't kind or nice. But the fact that all of these people are behaving like this including the friend who begged you to come is just awful. It really isn't you - if you unwittingly gave offence, and I don't think you did, it could have been sorted out. I have actually seen five year olds behaving with more dignity and empathy than these women. Don't try to be nice or cordial to them. I'd block the friend right now. Can you possibly change rooms if you are staying close in the hotel or even change to a sister hotel? I'd call her out right now but I appreciate that this probably isn't something you'd feel comfortable with doing.

Did is horrible
behaviour of your friend. Even if you have ‘done or said something’ surely she could take you to
the side and say aww here by the way such and such gets offended by such and such rather than basically ghosting you on a holiday she invited you on knowing you only know/are friends with her. I hope your okay and enjoy the last couple of days doing relaxing things for you or else go home to your weins life’s too short to be unhappy x

'Influencers' are just work-shy, expect the world to support, shower them with freebees, and envy them wanna-be's. Those I've met are absolute liars as well, pretending to be people they're not. Doesn't surprise me at all that OP's 'friend' is behaving like this if she's an aspiring 'influencer'.

I wouldn't give her the chance to do it again.

Hi op, how are you getting on? Are you keeping away from the rest of them and enjoying the last few days? What are you going to do about the friend, are you going to speak with her when you’re back home?

What a shabby bunch of nobodies to treat you like this love. I would cut free for the remaining days of the holiday and just come back to sleep each night or find yourself a cheap B&B - go exploring, chat to the locals, enjoy the food and leave them to their own poisonous devices. I am willing to bet that once you are occupied with your own interests that one of the other mean girls starts getting excluded and picked at - they sound like that sort. And one you are home cut loose from your so-called friend - she isn't behaving lie a true friend at all.

I've been in this exact situation. I decided to stay and grin and bear it. Never again though. They behaved like juveniles and I reacted. They were throwing food at someone that had annoyed them on the plane. They were all not kids in fact my friend and I were 59 at the time. I just did my own thing in the end.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am not sure where you are or cost of flight home - if it’s affordable I would probably get an early flight and not even Say anything - you have made enough effort and they don’t deserve explanation. Otherwise I would just try and enjoy the last few days by a pool or do some walking by nice scenery.

it’s awful behaviour on their part and the friend who asked you should be the one making most effort in my opinion. She doesn’t deserve to be your friend. You sound a very nice person and you are better than them and this silly immature behaviour.

I’ve experienced similar with previous group I met via another “friend” and cut them all off after series of similar events I realised they are not true friends. It was the best thing I did

how are you feeling now? Sending big hugs xx

You have been used. Your ‘friend’ invited loads to allow for the probability that some wouldn’t be able to go. She has treated you appallingly. Just get yourself home and block her. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, shame on her and her silly cronies.

Didn’t even read the full post. Tell em all to fuck off.

Ignore them and enjoy the sunshine.

I think you can congratulate yourself on having done the right thing at every turn.

You responded to your friend and showed faith and good will towards her, when she needed you, at your own expense.
You tried your best to speak to each one in the two groups in turn and to take an interest in them and find common ground.
You were self-aware enough to reflect on what you might have done/said wrong.
You took yourself off and entertained yourself to limit the hurt their ignorance caused you.
You didn’t make a fuss, complain or make any dramas about their lack of common courtesy when actually, they should have been ashamed of themselves, especially the one who begged you to go with her.
You have made a plan for yourself on how best to handle those situations when you are forced back into their dull company.

You have risen above these mean, immature, self-centred girls OP.
So well done for pulling all that off. It took some courage to last the week.

When you are safely home, I would make a point of letting your ‘friend’ know how mistaken you were to have ever considered going away with her as she was anything but a friend to you when you needed her, but you are thankful at least, to now have an understanding her true character. Tell her you hope you never have the misfortune to see her ever again.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, they sound like absolute bitches. I agree with what's been said, if you're that miserable and missing your child and it wont cost too much then maybe get a flight back without telling anyone, least of all your so called "friend". If not then I also agree that you could just make the most of it and get a good book, sunbathe & go for a Swim but it's probably not that much fun alone. I would cut all ties with this woman in the future whatever you decide, no one should be made to feel like this. Good luck x

@geekygirldoesnotfitin I hope you had a lovely evening enjoying some peace and quiet and a picturesque walk.

OP, you have cleverly deduced how your friend is operating and why she invited you. There is clearly nothing wrong with you whatsoever, you've just been parachuted into an unwelcoming situation and you're dealing with it as well as anyone can. I've been in this situation before and what you're doing - your own thing with dignity - is the only way to go. I'd ditch your friend with a few home truths when you get home though.

Not at all!

When your friend first invited you on the holiday, what was it proposed as? A girls holiday, just sunbathing and drinking? A sightseeing holiday? Activity holiday?
I'm just trying to get my head round these two seperate groups, who don't know each other and what sort of holiday would suit a set up like that? It sounds like a bit of an odd trip to me!

That totally aside, this person isn't your friend if she's left you to your own devices! I could never do that to someone I called a friend. The others sound like an absolute nightmare. This is definitely not you, it's all on them for being rude and unfriendly.

I hate cliques, any nights out with large groups I've organised, I've made sure everyone was included. I'm a bubbly, chatty friendly person, but I can recognise when someone isn't and that's fine, it doesn't mean they should be left out! (And I don't mean I'm the sort that would be dragging them into the middle of the party and forcing them to chat either! I'm not that person!)
Myself and two friends went to the Algarve a few years ago, we all discussed what we wanted out of the week before we flew and it worked out really well. It seems this didn't happen with you and your "friend"! There is absolutely no need to be leaving anyone out!

Personally, I wouldn't incur any more cost upon myself by leaving early. I'd make sure I totally separated from the lot of them and I'd do my own thing. As a pp suggested, get a good book, some snacks and go explore and find somewhere lovely where you can relax.
Why should they ruin the trip away that you've paid for?
So, up to your flight, do your own thing, be polite if spoken to obviously, but don't engage if you don't need or have to. And upon your return home, cut the "friend" off sharpish... I'm so sorry this happened to you. Sending virtual hugs 🌻