Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

What a horrible bunch of people.

Sorry to hear this! It sounds like the group you are with are an awful bunch of humans. It's honestly nothing to do with anything about you, but it says absolutely everything about them. Enjoy the trip on your own. And when you get back, I'd not waste any time on that so called 'friend'. Some friend she is! Save the time and energy for those who love and appreciate you. Hope your last few days go well.

Ps. I've done loads of trips with groups who don't know each other. It's definitely not normal to leave someone isolated and to not make an effort to include them in my experience. Again, it's them being funny, not you!!

I think if you can afford to change flights and just go home, then you should. Tell your friend why.
If you can’t easily go home then just completely do your own thing and see it as a rest for you - stop making any effort whatsoever with these horrible women who all sound like they never left high school.

If it were me I’d go home now. I’d say to your friend ‘Hey, I’m going home. Booked a flight. I’m very much loved and needed at home and despite my best efforts to join in on this holiday I feel very much as if I’m regarded as a major pain in the ass.’

And then I’d fuck her off forever.

Glad you’re doing ok. Explore a bit and have fun. If ‘friend’ says anything there may be a lot of satisfaction in telling her what a really relaxing interesting time you had while smiling broadly, then cut her off.

Keep us updated about how the rest of the holiday goes.

Stay strong OP, it does batter the self-esteem. You haven't done anything wrong.

Similar happened to me many years ago - I was invited on a holiday by a work colleague I wasn't close with. It turned out it was to even up male/female numbers to make the group look less suspicious as they were smuggling drugs. Once my use was over, they ignored me and made it clear I wasn't welcome.

Worst holiday of my life, and it was 33 years ago, so plenty of years to have worse holidays!

They sound like a right bunch of bitcsss to be honest and I'm surprised that you have lasted as long as you have. I bet if you go home they wouldn't even notice. You sound miserable as for them I wouldn't be friends with any of them . I would be flying home and not telling them. Sending u loads of hugs and remember at the end of the day it's their loss .

Sorry, op. They sounds horrible. I'd go home

I don’t think it’s you
its them! Really nasty immature behaviour
id not speak to any of them again and try enjoy what you can or get out of there asap and without even saying bye just leave and see if they even notice!

They sound awful, and quite embarrassing behaviour out of grown women. You on the other hand sound amazing, strong, kind and resilient, they don't deserve a friend like you, dump your 'friend' when your back......but for now I hope you enjoy your break from mom life, and go home well rested to your family that loves you, and does deserve your time.

That sounds hideously uncomfortable for you. And what a bunch of not nice people you are with.
Can you just find someway to go off and do your own thing for the rest of the trip (might as well get your moneys worth!) - and bin your friend when you get back. Shes no friend of yours.

Could you change your accommodation to a local b&b and do some sight seeing , read a book, have a nice meal. Enjoy the time to yourself.

if not I would get an early flight home and never speak to the ‘friend’ again. No one deserves to be treated like that.

Where are you? Maybe we can come up with some suggestions for you to have a nice time in your own company and enjoy the rest of your holiday. They say the best revenge is a life well lived, let's see if we can get you a better time than them. This has just triggered a memory for me. I was asked to go on holiday with my best friend from school it was with a group of people she did a w/e job with and I didn't know any of them, she then dropped out a few weeks before and I went anyway. I spent a lot of time by myself, they were not horrible to me, rather they didn't need me there. I did have a good time, wandered around the town and harbour had lunch by myself I really only saw them at breakfast and dinner (1/2 board).

Well, the OP may have said something wrong to alienate everyone, it could be a big Tales of the Unexpected drama if she were to reveal 12 pages in 'but there was one time when I said I agreed with that Reform bloke about machine-gunning migrants who come over in boats'...

But I don't know.

I've been in a similar situation on a press trip - you get palled up with a bunch of five or six journalists and it's easy to get off on the wrong foot for some reason, they then kind of use your outsider status as a bonding thing for them and because the context stays the same, so does the situation. It's hard to turn it around. In this situation, you're at cross purposes because they all know each other so the whole point is to be in their comfort zone, while you present a 'reaching out of your comfort zone' task, presumably.

It's a double or triple bind here because a) You've paid for this in money b) A friendship looks like biting the dust - at any rate it doesn't work in this context and that hurts c) You're stuck in this for the duration, it's like a bad party but you can't easily extricate yourself.

Agree with the other suggestions, put yourself first, see if you can salvage anything from the trip but don't provoke anything like just clearing off unannounced because that could be turned around against you, you know, alerting the local police, 'she's gone missing' etc then you're the bad guy.

Keep it curt, cool, self-sufficient and cut your losses.

Also if you go off and do your own thing, they will inevitably turn on someone else in the group !

I'd look online and see if you can change your flight without much expense; otherwise I'd stick it out but stay well clear of them all. It's an odd dynamic to have two groups of friends there, and presumably there are well established dynamics within each group so you're just falling through the cracks like every other person in your situation would do. It certainly isn't you or your fault. If you can't get home early, then book an excursion or tour - that'll pass the days much quicker.

Sorry OP that’s rotten. I hope you have some nice time to yourself. Some people can be so cliquey and insecure. It might be nothing to do with you and they would act that way with anyone.

I've not read it all but I'm so sorry people behave like this!
I'd probably want to have gone home but I'm a knee jerk person. Just leave them to it, and then perhaps give this so called "friend" a wide berth when you return home.

I’m too old to really know what an influencer is, but I know what a bitch is and she is one.

Enjoy your time on your own and don’t bother with this ‘friend’ again.

Something similar happened to me once. The person who invited me and at whose house I was staying was vile to me. I got a flight home early but if I’d been staying in a hotel I probably would have done my own thing until the end of the holiday. It’s a really shitty thing to do to someone and I never spoke to her again.

Id go home...life too short for this.. I'd also rethink the friend. Yanbu

I honestly don't think you've done anything wrong - if you had done something bad enough to upset 2 groups of people plus your friend, you would know. They just sound nasty and bitchy. If you were a child and this was happening, we would recognise it as bullying. For whatever reason, they have decided to isolate you. As others have said, do your own thing. There's nothing worst than trying to be in a space where you are not welcomed. Get a guide book, find things that you want to do/places to go and do that - try to enjoy the rest of the holiday so that it doesn't feel like a complete waste of time and money. I would be civil but that's all, definitely wouldn't go out of my way to be involved with them. I suspect there is some tension between the two groups and they have picked on you as the lone person, instead of fighting each other. And your 'friend' is a dick.

I wonder if it’s possible your ‘friend’ has told each group if they’ve enquired, that you invited yourself or she felt sorry for you somehow, to big herself up a bit to them, and she’s having to go along with what she’s said. Either way I’d tell her exactly what happened on the holiday once home and then cut her loose.

This is horrible to read! I'm so sorry. I remember being ignored in middle school and how awful it made me feel.

Those women sound awful. Totally awful.

Your friend is a shitty person too. She should beaking you feel welcome and involving you in conversations.

How old is everyone?