Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

God I can’t believe adult women actually behave like this. It’s bewildering.

I wouldn't waste any more time or energy on them and enjoy a solo holiday doing whatever I want to do!
I'd also ditch my "friend" once I'm home.

I’m sorry OP. They sound like a bunch of 13 year olds!!

You sound lovely and I was wondering if you could ask your friend what’s up?

Pretend they don't exist for the rest of your stay and get a different bus/taxi to the airport so you don't have to put up with them. Are you sat next to each other on the flight? Might be worth changing seats if you can.

If I were you, your "friend" would be blocked the moment the plane set down in the UK.

@geekygirldoesnotfitin you sound like a lovely person. I'm sorry these people you're stuck with aren't nice people. Please don't doubt yourself. I'm glad you're taking the rest of the time to rest and recharge.

Op, you sounds lovely and very self-aware and reflective. I'm sure the problem is not with you.

But your 'friend' is a twat, and her friends sound vile. What are they, auditioning for extras in Mean Girls? They can all get to fuck.

I'd do your own thing for the next few days and enjoy the break as much as you can.

I'd also be tempted to tell them they're all rude fuckwits too.

Ah just read your updates. Good idea. Stick to yourself. Try to let their weird and childish attitudes wash off you. You’re a lovely person remember that! Have a couple quiet days rest. Great you have your own room

You didn't sleep with one of their husbands when you both 16, did you ?

Seriously though, I would spend the next three days doing whatever you feel like doing, might you have time to set up a little account yourself ? entitled 'what do to in X, when your Influencer friend turns out to be a complete bitch '

They sound horrible ! How old are they, 13 ? I would leave , yes.

Sounds absolutely horrible-well done you for making the best of it and enjoying what you can. Those group holidays aren’t my thing at all but I can’t imagine going away and not ensuring everyone is included. I’d drop the friend too and spend your energy on something else.

They sound a delight if that’s how they are treating another adult then I wouldn’t want to even try and engage with them as for your friend I’d be cutting all ties when I got home.
Take yourself off to another area by the pool have a few drinks ,read a book, listen to music or a podcast,enjoy some nice food,explore the area where you are staying and let them see that you don’t need to be part of their gang of bitches and hopefully they’ll realize how they have made you feel.

Please don’t assume you’ve done anything to deserve this. Their behaviour is a reflection of their appalling manners and lack of empathy and decency. When there’s an outsider with a group it behoves the group members to reach out and include them. And even if someone gives offence or is a bit awkward or socially inept it’s still no excuse to isolate or exclude anyone.

I suspect what has happened here is that you’ve got caught in a dynamic where each of the groups is perceiving another group of outsiders and you just seem like one more rather than one alone. It still doesn’t say much for their social skills.

If going home early isn’t financially prohibitive, then absolutely do that. There’s no medals for staying and being miserable. And even if it’s expensive, I’d consider it money well spent to avoid feeling lonely and isolated.

Just another one swinging by to extend sympathies, OP. You do sound lovely — hugs from one black sheep to another x

Fuck em, do you're own thing and treat them with the same attitude. Enjoy the sunshine!

I feel your pain - years ago went away with a married friend who got off with a guy and spent holiday pretty much on my own. Got to know other people and made the best of it. And then hubby picked up from airport. She came away with a group of us after splitting from hubby and disappeared with a guy again.

Sorry OP I know the feeling. It's all too common when different friendships collide.

Happened to me when I was 22 and went to Ibiza on my first girls holiday. It was put to me by a uni friend who was planning it with a mish mash of friends and extended friends. I was happy to go, as I booked up with a friend from home, so at least we had each other and I knew said uni friend.

Whole thing was a disaster! The friend I booked up with had met her now husband between booking and going, she pined for him non stop and didn't want to socialise.

Uni friend thought in her substance induced state that I was looking at her strangely in the first few days and during the final few days the friend I booked up with was eagerly awaiting a last minute addition, not quite her new bf but her pal who just went through a breakup decided to book on for a long weekend.

You can guess where that left me. These 'free for all' holidays never end well. Please don't take it personally. You've done nothing wrong.

I'd say stay put because it might get better and if it doesn't, you can use the money on changed flight on yourself. Go buy yourself a massage and facial for the monetary equivalent of a flight change.

Hello dear OP,
I’m sorry to read that your friend and her cronies are treating you badly.
sadly, women can be really cliquey.
I learnt this a while ago so I prefer to holiday alone!
Do whatever feels best to you - can you take a wander down to the local town/ area and just enjoy exploring on your own? Read some good books? Go out for dinner to a more interesting place?
But whatever you decide. You didn’t fail. Everyone is going to be that person at some point, and you tried to be friendly.
Don’t waste any more time or energy on them. Move on! :)

Good advice. I also think the first option will be to do your own thing and leave them alone but if that's too hard go home early.

And you friend is not a good friend. Why would she insist you come if she will just ignore you? And it makes no sense when she already has 2 other groups, unless they needed one more person to bring down costs or something.

@geekygirldoesnotfitin just keep talking to us here. We'll keep you going.

Wow, they sound pathetic and really immature! I hope you enjoy your last 3 days. Id see if I could buy some earphones and a good book for the bus and plane journeys home if you have to sit near them.

Oh, bless you that sounds awful. But yes, do your own thing. Is there a shopping centre you can go to to get some little presents for your DC?

If you haven’t got some, I’d be buying some big headphones as a visual barrier that you’re busy/not listening.

One thing I’ve come to learn in this life OP is that some people are just sh£ts. Some people just have no empathy or awareness outside of themselves. Some people are just not nice and it sounds like that’s unfortunately where you’ve landed.

I’ve been in a similar position multiple times (albeit not on holiday - social situations which were much shorter thankfully). And to be Frank, nice people don’t do this, so you’re better off shot of them.

Good for you with your plans - go out for food yourself, I’m not sure where you are but maybe see if you can book a day trip somewhere and make small talk with others. Book a trip to the spa. Literally just sort yourself out and push these dickheads to the back of your mind. Enjoy a book by the pool. And if anyone in the group realises and starts trying to speak to you, politely smile and brush off.

Then block “friend” once home.

I can't believe grown adults behave like this. It's so pathetic and nasty, I could never forgive myself for behaving like this to someone.

Even if they didn't naturally gel with you, they could be making an effort knowing that you are there essentially on your own. Absolute shame on your friend, it's vile of her to behave like this.

I would move forward with dignity, take yourself off to do nice things, google some things to do, eat lovely food and relax.

What are the accommodation arrangements? Can you avoid them?

If it were me personally, I wouldn't make a fuss or try to be pointed about avoiding them, but I also wouldn't be ashamed to say I feel left out if it was brought up; I would list the examples you gave here, and say you'll be doing your own thing.

After the holiday, I would be holding my friend accountable and asking what it is that happened from their perspective that would make them think it's okay or justified to treat you like that.

I’m sorry this has happened to you.

As there appears to be have been an irretrievable breakdown, I would just ignore them completely.

Don’t sit near them, ask for your own table.

Don’t smile at them or answer them.

It’s possible that on the last day or at the airport they will say something to you to try and make themselves better. I would tell them that they have been utter bitches all week and you never want to see their cunt faces again.