To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

[Cheesygirl]

I have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me. We have a very good relationship where he is thoughtful takes care of me, gifts etc.
I fell pregnant very early in the relationship and now we have a six month old daughter. He is a good father(he now does 50% that I have gone back to work). We are saving to buy a house, he has a life insurance set up for me and my daughter and he shows he is committed all the way.
However I have the niggling feeling he won't propose to me for engagement or marriage. He says he wants to marry me and our daughter to be a bridesmaid in our wedding when she is about 3-4 and he has told other people as well.
He hasn't However spoken about any engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.
I do believe that he loves me a lot he is saying that daily and doing things to prove it so there's no doubt about that. Yesterday we were on a date day at the Natural History Museum and we were at the gemstone section. I told him that I like the aquamarine stone and I would like some day a ring with this on it. He was joking about Haribo rings and he had some banter throughout. When we went to the pub, I was looking at rings (not Engagement just jewellery) with aquamarine. We looked at a few and said that he wouldn't buy me a cheap ring. Then I said what about engagement rings? As the description of a few rings was mentioning engagement. He replied, "Where did that come from " . I said it is on the description. "This isn't what it is about " he said then.
Then he continued the joke about Haribo rings and that I shouldn't wear it on my left finger in case of confusion. I said so what you wouldn't want people to think we are engaged or married? He replied definitely not with a Haribo ring lol. I said to him is that how much you value me? He said obviously he was joking about that and that love is not counted in material value. I said to him that's a part of it as well. But something about his whole reaction to the engagement ring mentions threw me off so I wasn't as warm the rest of the evening. He picked up on that and started asking what is going on and if I love him. He then said I'm his everything to him.
The thing here is that he is showing that to me daily. However I just have this feeling inside me. I dont know if I'm right or wrong here. I don't believe he is lying when he says he loves me etc.

"letting a woman have my baby" 🙄

Why do you want him, OP?

He's an utter arse who had unprotected sex with a stranger, got you pregnant, then pushed you to have his child when you sensibly veered towards abortion; all while making vague promises, when forced to, about the many hoops in his timeline to an engagement, that will likely never result in actual marriage. This is not a good guy. You and your child deserve better.

Not in this context.
He has said he's ready in 3 or 4 years.

It's a joint decision to either accept that or go later.

OP does not get to force him to bring it forward as posters are suggesting.

He absolutely gets full control on when he's comfortable to marry.

It takes two to tango!

why blame the guy, they both had sex. He’s with her, but sensibly after only 1.5yrs he has no thought of engagement or marriage.

i cringe when I hear people are pregnant and then magically a month later they are engaged. It all seems so forced. .

I.beg to differ that he is not a good guy. The child was a joint decision regardless. I did have my doubts at first but he didn't coerce me to anything. He did want to move in with me even before I got pregnant as we had a great chemistry. I got pregnant about 3 months in the relationship. It just all happened so fast.

I know that engagement means nothing legally but for now I would like an acknowledgement of the relationship in the form of either a contract (cohabitation agreement) or a ring. Our daughter has legally both of our surnames and he has a life insurance that says we get a big lump sum in the event he dies. Only me and my daughter are entitled to this money, noone else.

It's just that his reaction yesterday threw me off which I discussed with him. We are together in total 1.5 years. I know its early for marriage. What was clarified today is that he meant that within the 4 year span we get engaged first. He never mentioned plans on engagement so he clarified that.

It's not "early for marriage" because there's no such thing. All couples are different, however, they do need to be on the same page.
For some reason, he is setting the agenda, he is determining a timeline. Why? Isn't it a mutual decision?

I've never seen a bridezilla who is not even engaged, in the wild. Why are you trying to force this man to propose to you when he is clearly not ready to. Even if he says yes, you have just forced him to say yes, a hollow "victory".

No op. Not “at least engaged.” Engaged means nothing whatsoever. It’s a tradition that existed solely because it gave time to read the marriage banns in church over several weeks and allowed guests to plan travel to attend.

In modern times engagements have stretched out precisely to give time to decide if they want to go ahead - because if they don’t want to, there are zero consequences. What is your fixation with an engagement? It’s bizarre.

The "formal contract" is marriage or civil partnership - if he won't do either of those then he really needs to explain WHY.
You have a baby - that's a life commitment.
You're saving for a mortgage - that's a commitment of at least 25 years.
WHY does he not want the commitment of marriage or civil partnership?
Something isn't right.

I’m honestly starting to question if this is just about a bit of jewellery.

It’s odd to say you’re not bothered about marriage; you just want to be engaged.

So engagement ring now and wedding in 4 years? Or engagement ring can wait until 3.5 years right before marriage? It is all very arbitrary.

If he truly cares about how you feel, he would put a ring on you now. I wouldn't leave my partner hanging and wondering if she is good enough.

All said, I am sure he will come around but I hope he will do before your resentment and insecurity build up.

Good luck!

If it's 'early for marriage' then it's definitely early to have a child together! The time to hesitate on lifelong commitment is before having unprotected sex.

At least you've now got the clarification you wanted from him to settle happily as you are.

It's understandable that you want the reassurance of a traditional sign of commitment. Why does he alone get to decide that the wedding should be 3 or 4 years hence. You need to explain that being recognised as fiancee/wife is important to you, that you feel you are more than just a girlfriend and so would like to be able to be referred to as fiancee etc. What about the term partner? does that feel like a compromise you could both make for now?

Well it all happened so fast as I said before she wasn't planned. To all people that say he doesn't want to marry me. He said that on his own that he wants to marry me so I don't understand. I think I'll wait for 6 months to a year and bring it up again

It's obviously not meant in 'that' way ffs 🙄

I mean that she's doing all that heavy lifting of having an actual child and he's...what...not even going to propose?

Other men would see him as a weak man. A chancer. Someone of poor moral fibre who get his partner pregnant and doesn't have the decency even a year afterwords, to propose.

That doesn't necessarily mean it has to get to marriage straight away or even thar they'll make it down the aisle. But that ring should have been on her finger the second that baby was due out, if not before.

We are already partners

There’s so much going on here, it’s difficult to unpick. You know that people who are engaged and married still break up or have affairs: what difference would getting engaged make to you? To him? What are you really worried about? Why don’t you propose to him? Why are you focussing on getting engaged rather than getting married? Whatever- get that cohabitation sorted out like adults.

I agree. It reads to me as if the OP hasn't (in her head) a hope of marriage so is willing to settle for engagement (which means nothing at all).

There really needs to be a curriculum subject to enable the proper information to be given to children about life and what matters - whilst there's still time for them not to saddle themselves with what they will sorely regret later on.

OP, an engagement ring means nothing. It's a bit of jewellery to show off with, that's all. Marriage gives you rights, both of you, and if you're serious enough to have a baby together then this should be an inevitable step.

It's not that. I just don't really care much about marriage but I care more about the acknowledgement. I dont want to get something financially from him if we split. But I want him to continue contributing for childcare which I would establish legally.

It’s sounding as though she is under pressure to have something tangible to show a friend/pushy relative.

An engagement ring is a mere nicety or “side dish” that often gets bought because people are feeling celebratory about the steps they are taking. An engagement is a purely practical space of time to plan for the only thing in all of this that actually means anything which is the marriage itself.

I'm so confused. You want to be engaged but don't care much about marriage?

The "formal contract" is marriage or civil partnership -

This - in social situation you could say partner rather than boyfriend/girlfriend.

A joint account for bills is fine but like a PP says I'd keep that separate to your main to safeguard yourself and your child and make sure no more kids till married or civil partnership.

Engagements are nothing - I was engaged for years because we were trying to get our careers in the same place which in end I gave up said I'd move to you when you book the date which he did immediately - but family and friends didn't see relationship as any more permanent than boy/friend girl friend. DSis been engaged twice and twice it seem to have been a tactic to keep her around with no intention of it going further despite there being kids.

I'd go forward protecting yourself and your child with no expectation of marriage or civil partnership.

More controversially you could consider shutting down any waxing lyrical about future wedding plans with you haven't asked and I haven't said yes - just because I have a child doesn't mean I don't have options still same as you.

Just a quick FYI the only thing he would have to pay for legally is CMS.

Not childcare.
So in some places childcare could be more than £1K.

CMS could say he has to pay £200.
He would not have to legally pay a single penny more than that £200 for everything.

Why haven’t you proposed to him?

Cos he doesn’t want to marry for three or four years. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not sure why people are thinking this is the ace up the sleeve.