To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

[Cheesygirl]

I have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me. We have a very good relationship where he is thoughtful takes care of me, gifts etc.
I fell pregnant very early in the relationship and now we have a six month old daughter. He is a good father(he now does 50% that I have gone back to work). We are saving to buy a house, he has a life insurance set up for me and my daughter and he shows he is committed all the way.
However I have the niggling feeling he won't propose to me for engagement or marriage. He says he wants to marry me and our daughter to be a bridesmaid in our wedding when she is about 3-4 and he has told other people as well.
He hasn't However spoken about any engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.
I do believe that he loves me a lot he is saying that daily and doing things to prove it so there's no doubt about that. Yesterday we were on a date day at the Natural History Museum and we were at the gemstone section. I told him that I like the aquamarine stone and I would like some day a ring with this on it. He was joking about Haribo rings and he had some banter throughout. When we went to the pub, I was looking at rings (not Engagement just jewellery) with aquamarine. We looked at a few and said that he wouldn't buy me a cheap ring. Then I said what about engagement rings? As the description of a few rings was mentioning engagement. He replied, "Where did that come from " . I said it is on the description. "This isn't what it is about " he said then.
Then he continued the joke about Haribo rings and that I shouldn't wear it on my left finger in case of confusion. I said so what you wouldn't want people to think we are engaged or married? He replied definitely not with a Haribo ring lol. I said to him is that how much you value me? He said obviously he was joking about that and that love is not counted in material value. I said to him that's a part of it as well. But something about his whole reaction to the engagement ring mentions threw me off so I wasn't as warm the rest of the evening. He picked up on that and started asking what is going on and if I love him. He then said I'm his everything to him.
The thing here is that he is showing that to me daily. However I just have this feeling inside me. I dont know if I'm right or wrong here. I don't believe he is lying when he says he loves me etc.

Is it really ?

how many women and some men are on here complaining that their child’s other parent has nothing to do with them, has walked away, doesn’t pay any money and happily lives their lives? People can walk away from their children as easily as they can their partner.

for me a baby can happen very easily, to get engaged and married takes planning and time to organise,

So basically absolutely nothing has changed? He's just given you some nice words and you're still waiting around for him to make all the decisions?

I think your gut is telling you that this isn't quite right op.

You've been together 18 months and your baby is 6 months? So you got pregnant when you'd been together 3 months?

So you've not really had much of a relationship that hasn't involved pregnancy and babies.

I'd leave it be. If he wants to marry you he will. He's committed to you in every other way. I'd return to work and plan as if you may end up single though.

Just ask him FFS.

You don't have to wait to be asked. I asked DH and we've been married 24 years!

@2chocolateoranges so true, to be blunt, getting pregnant is what happens when people follow human nature, eating, sleeping, fucking. I'm sorry, I'm not setting out to be crude here but really, a baby is not commitment. a baby is nature, or optimism? I say this as a stupid optimist who assumed everything would be ok. I was not raised to advocate for myself, or to make demands, I was raised to be a people pleaser, but raised to be a people pleaser by two parents who grew up in different times.

I have two children with a man I am linked to, I guess. But that's all it is. A link but there's no respect or affection there. Just an awareness of a link I made in error.

What is he waiting for? His feelings for you to deepen? How exactly is he likely to feel different in 4 years? Unless he feels he needs to save financially for a big bash, what are his reasons.

OP, he had a child with you. It was his choice, and now he should show you the commitment of marriage. If he doesn't want to marry you now, it means he's not certain you're the one.

Quite. My dad never sent me a birthday card and gave me nothing. He was married to my mum before you ask.

Well he has been telling me all along he wants to do it. I told him if he DOESNT want he should let me know now and he says he wants. I don't know what more I can do at this point. And yes I don't care really about marriage per se but I want a formal acknowledgement of our relationship. He is reassuring me he wants to get engaged and get married to me.

Absolutely this. If he needs to wait because he doesn't yet feel ready to be financially tied to the OP that's a perfectly good reason to delay. It isn't, however, an intention to marry in 3-4 years, it's an intention to decide whether or not to marry in 3-4 years.

If the timescale is because he wants his daughter to wear a pretty dress for the wedding that's another thing and IMO missing the point of marriage which is a legal contract, as opposed to a wedding which is a party to celebrate the marriage.

"He said that I told him I don't really care about marriage which his true. But I told him I don't want a forever girlfriend situation and I want a formal acknowledgement of the relationship if not engagement a promise ring."

I don't understand this at all. Are you very young OP? Promise rings and even engagement rings are basically meaningless. You can get engaged in the morning and break it off in the afternoon with no ramifications for anyone. Only marriage (or civil partnership) are actual commitments in any legal real-world sense. I think you need to look into the protections marriage provides (Citizens Advice offers info here).That said, it sounds like you have both agreed to operate on his timeline so I guess you will just have to wait.

Nobody can afford the kind of wedding it takes 4 years to save for, that's insane.

The vision we share about the wedding is our daughter to be part of it and give us the rings. I like this vision and I agree but engagement was never mentioned before and he can't just assume that this is what he meant that will happen in the interim just because this is the normal thing and I should have known. He apologised about that

Tbh I'd be a bit irritated by my DP wanting an "engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment". What even is that?

He might not be. He knew her for three months. From thereon she was pregnant or grappling with a newborn. We all know we aren’t completely ourselves through those months.

Perhaps he’s giving her the benefit of the doubt. If he isn’t feeling sure, would it be better he just gave up? Or just married her anyway? For some reason he wants to wait. She has to decide if she’s happy to wait or wants to move on. But she can’t force him to want or feel differently - even in 2024.

And what if you have another child in the next four years? Would you postpone the wedding further so that they could be old enough to take part?

I find the turning the discussion into a joke a red flag and also the whole waiting until daughter is 3/4 so she can be a bridesmaid at the wedding a bullshit excuse. Getting married is about marriage, it’s not about the wedding. So the fact he wants to delay marriage that long when it protects you, your child and the family unit suggests me he’s not currently serious about marriage.

Saying that these are my thoughts I could not wrong so have a serious conversation about marriage not one beating about the bush about haribo rings or gemstone rings.

State to him when you’d like to be married and see if you can make an agreement.

I think the clear answer in this scenario has to be don’t have another until you know where you stand since it worries you op.

Maybe he wants to do a proper proposal and discussing getting engaged would spoil it?

When a man wants to marry a women, it isn't that complicated. He will do it. The details don't really matter.

In your case OP, he has all the power as it seems that you want to follow his lead. It is OK, but keep your eyes wide open.

Women should wait patiently to see what men decide for their future? I despair.

The obvious thing to me would be to ask him.

Rather than hopping about dipping in and out of the engagement conversation every few months/years.

yeh, maybe you want to give him more time @Cheesygirl but in terms of financial decisions wrt working and saving, make decisions as though you were single. This is really important. He cannot reasonably expect you to jeopardise your financial future on a promise. Men don't do this. Value your job over him.

Save like you very might well be starting over.

I think I am going against the grain here but he has been clear on his intentions. he shows you he loves you in some way everyday - you have a DC, you are saving for a house together and everything is financially equal??? I feel for him tbh - he is trying his best here, and you get a gut feeling after a conversation where he has basically said ‘when the time is right I will buy you a nice ring!’

Children, houses etc all cost a lot of money, maybe he is just being sensible for a while until he knows you can afford a wedding?!

Just either talk to him about it or you propose to him!

It sounds like it was a very vague conversation. By saying in three or four years, I think he’s kicking the can down the road. Something will come up and it’ll be another couple of years.

His jokey reaction to the engagement rings would be a red flag to me.

I asked him today and he said what he wants. He said multiple times he wants to get engaged and married to me. To people that said what an interim ring is and why does it matter. It does to me if he makes the relationship formally acknowledged and continues to show commitment as he already does. FYI when I found out I'm pregnant we laid out the options and I suggested to abort as we didn't know each other well. He was honest that he wasn't really on board with that but that it was my body and he would support me if I wanted to do it. Later on he revealed that it really bothered him that I suggested that. My daughter is wonderful and I don't regret how things turned out its just that he should be honest if he doesn't want to formally acknowledge our relationship in any way