To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

[Cheesygirl]

I have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me. We have a very good relationship where he is thoughtful takes care of me, gifts etc.
I fell pregnant very early in the relationship and now we have a six month old daughter. He is a good father(he now does 50% that I have gone back to work). We are saving to buy a house, he has a life insurance set up for me and my daughter and he shows he is committed all the way.
However I have the niggling feeling he won't propose to me for engagement or marriage. He says he wants to marry me and our daughter to be a bridesmaid in our wedding when she is about 3-4 and he has told other people as well.
He hasn't However spoken about any engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.
I do believe that he loves me a lot he is saying that daily and doing things to prove it so there's no doubt about that. Yesterday we were on a date day at the Natural History Museum and we were at the gemstone section. I told him that I like the aquamarine stone and I would like some day a ring with this on it. He was joking about Haribo rings and he had some banter throughout. When we went to the pub, I was looking at rings (not Engagement just jewellery) with aquamarine. We looked at a few and said that he wouldn't buy me a cheap ring. Then I said what about engagement rings? As the description of a few rings was mentioning engagement. He replied, "Where did that come from " . I said it is on the description. "This isn't what it is about " he said then.
Then he continued the joke about Haribo rings and that I shouldn't wear it on my left finger in case of confusion. I said so what you wouldn't want people to think we are engaged or married? He replied definitely not with a Haribo ring lol. I said to him is that how much you value me? He said obviously he was joking about that and that love is not counted in material value. I said to him that's a part of it as well. But something about his whole reaction to the engagement ring mentions threw me off so I wasn't as warm the rest of the evening. He picked up on that and started asking what is going on and if I love him. He then said I'm his everything to him.
The thing here is that he is showing that to me daily. However I just have this feeling inside me. I dont know if I'm right or wrong here. I don't believe he is lying when he says he loves me etc.

They can do all of that while still advising caution. @pikkumyy77 s' analogy is the truth.

When you are as old as some of us are you have seen variations of the Mrs Right now V Mrs Right saga.

I have heard it happen numerous times where women have been diddled out of their fertility and weddings by guys who deliberately strung them along as Mrs Right now......only to be married and having a baby 6 months after meeting their Mrs Right.

Despite being warned by family and friends they were on a hiding to nothing they wouldn't be told.

All in their late 40's now and their chances of children for sure long gone.
So sad.

I'm not having any other kids with him unless formally committed. As I said above all other aspects are good. Financially wise as well. I just want a formal acknowledgement I don't want to be seen as the baby mama/gf without any formal plans of moving forward. For example many people in medical settings assume he is my husband or fiance and I'm correcting them.it just doesn't look good

Oh wow, your ages changed EVERYTHING.
I thought at least a decade younger.
Oh his parents probably are pleased to have a grandchild and he too took his chance but is absolutely stringing you along with 3-4 years...

Him mid 40's, you early 40's????🙄

Why don't you just go and buy a ring you like and wear it on your wedding finger and if he comes up in conversation call him "my fiance" and there you go - you are "officially" engaged to the "outside world".
Because really ... that's all an engagement is except having the licence (which if I remember correctly is only valid for a year so you can't get that yet).
Congratulations. You're engaged.

Does he know this bothers you?

I've said this before, on many threads like this, and I'll say it again now.......

No one should get married unless they want to

I wouldn't want to marry someone who had to be dragged down the aisle

I'd want my DH to think he was the luckiest man alive to be marrying me

I think OP is being fobbed off with suggestions of getting married with their 4 year old carrying the rings

Don't give ultimatums eg marry me or I'll leave

But, if marriage is important to you (which I sense it is, despite your protestations to the contrary), then it's reasonable to say that you would like to be married, you sense that he doesn't feel the same, that's absolutely OK / his choice, but you're now beginning to wonder whether you wish to stay with him unmarried, or if you might be better to move on. If he let's you go, that's your answer

In other words, be master of your own ship

In the meantime, manage your finances as a single person, keep your own savings, don't give up work etc

I'm 37 he 41

In these situations i would usually say stop waiting for a proposal and start planning your future together as a couple, but actually i think he sounds quite sensible in his thinking considering the length of time you are together. That said I think you should make it very clear what you want, so if you want a commitment, an engagement and marriage by a certain time you need to be vocal about it. Waiting and hoping and being offended that he isn't pushing for commitment is a waste of time.

No he doesn't. I'll give another example. In my labour room when I was giving birth the midwives and doctors assumed he is my husband. I didn't correct them and neither did he.

🎉🍾🎊🥳🍻👏🥂!
Yes, honestly oP, just say to the rubberneckers that you are engaged ( or “ getting married”; he can’t deny that) if that worries you.

But I’d be more worried about a proper commitment - and I’d still say don’t have more dc with him until then but your age changes how long you can wait around for that. You might want more. Your LO is only new still and you may soon find yourself really wanting a sibling for them ( fine if not; but you don’t want to take away options).

My view of a young guy wanting to move a bit slowly into huge commitment versus my view of a guy in his forties joking about haribo rings and dithering about waiting four years after already getting you pregnant are two totally different things. I’d honestly pegged you as a young girl who just wanted rings and babies and wedding dresses straight out of school ( and, if I’m totally honest, got pregnant a bit “accidentally on purpose” to speed things up a bit). Hence my “ just give it time” advice.

Perhaps you should speak to him about how this bothers you, and hanging on for 4 years is too long?

He's got some ego....you were going out weeks and you logically proposed abortion, and he was "offended"..... but is like a scalded cat 18 months later when a ring is mentioned, AFTER you have had his child.

Reads to me as if he thinks he is some catch ...without a house at 41...... and thinks carrying his child was some great privilege you were gifted weeks after ye met ......and that marrying him...the great prize that he is ....is something that can be dangled 3-4 years down the line if you are LUCKY 🙄.

Does he have logistically problems wedging his head through doors🙄.

@Cheesygirl to be honest midwives don't have time to remember if a couple are married, engaged, girlfriend/boyfriend, planning to co-parent and not together or whatever.
That isn't their priority to think about.
It would only be important for tragic reasons like the mother needing emergency surgery or dying and official next of kin is required.
You didn't "need" to correct them at that particular moment in time and even if you had said "actually we aren't married" - they wouldn't have cared.

Exactly. It’s neither here nor there. This is about you and your security OP.

At the beginning of this thread, I thought you were being a bit pressurising and unfair on a young guy who was having to grow up fast after getting himself in a spot of baby bother.

Now I just think he’s being massively immature and unfair on you.

"For example many people in medical settings assume he is my husband or fiance and I'm correcting them.it just doesn't look good"

Doesn't look good to who? People just default to the probable when using titles etc. They don't actually care, just make a best guess.

Must admit, I can't imagine a 41 year old bloke talking about their daughter carrying the ring at the wedding. I don't think most blokes give a crap about that kind of stuff. Was that your suggestion?

… I’m really glad I asked your age and I’m really glad you clarified because I think it puts a totally different complexion on it.

Now wondering how many other posts I have given awful advice in as I didn’t have all the facts… 😰

More likely he was well aware at the age of ye both, particularly him in his 40's the moniker "boyfriend" would have drawn sniggers.

I can read clearly you want it to be so and I feel for you, but you really are going to have to put yourself first and be firm.

Why would you be buying a house with him without marriage?
Keep your money separate except for bills.
He's getting it all, baby, house, all the huge commitments from you....except the one that would give a formality to your relationship.

Can you not see that he is getting it all and you not?

Why would you get financially entangled without marriage.

If you don't give your head a real wobble you are going to end up one very disappointed woman, another salutary tale of a woman giving everything and being thoroughly disrespected in the process.

I'd be looking at telling him No to any house buying without marriage and I would be looking at buying a house myself.

I certainly wouldn't be spending the next few years prostrating myself to him to marry me.

You made an enormous leap of faith having a child with him only knowing him weeks.

Value yourself more, you deserve better than his rabbit in the lights routine🙄fuxk that.

I think maybe you're not thinking longterm atm.brcause you're happy with him and just think of this as a speed-bump.

But he is managing down your expectations.

He should have proposed by now.
You should be discussing weddings. Even if it's just a rough date a year or two in the future.
You should be thinking about if you want more kids and that there are consequences for that if he delays things for years.

But you're just so focused on getting the bare minimum level of commitment promise from him that you'll be...Happy to wait 4 years till a wedding!?

Sorry but...he's just dangling a carrot when he should be working to provide you with the whole field. And he likely thinks if he makes that one carrot all you see, you'll be so happy when you finally get it, that you'll ignore what you are actually supposed to have grown together.

We were the same. No engagement or engagement rings, simple enough wedding. We already had a child. We talked about getting married some day but neither of us was really pushing for it. Neither was pushing against it either though. The wedding was just something to get around to really. Had a lovely day when we eventually did.

You say he wanted to move in with you before you got pregnant, and then once you got pregnant you let him move in with you.

presumably this was a massive benefit for him and now he's got his feet under your table, he doesn't want to make a commitment.
what were his living circumstances before he met you.

Yup

So you know when you want to marry. But what is stopping you getting engaged now? You need to speak to him about getting engaged specifically.

I moved in with him not the other way round

Nothing stops me but today he said he felt kind of pressured after a bit more than a year has passed to propose.

I thought in today's world two adults set down and discussed their future. Proposals aren't necessary. It's just some romanticized teenage ideal. It's silly.