Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

There are some lovely posters here and typically I am going to use the thanks button for them and address @LemonandLimeCake

I absolutely adore my children which is why I’m part time because it is best for them, not me. It’s why I spend my days with them doing things for them. Given the choice, I probably wouldn’t see Peppa Pig live, go to soft play, attend a teddy bears picnic, go to the farm, spend half my salary on membership to an activity centre … but they love it and they are mine so I love it too. Sort of

I buy nothing for me and that’s not a whinge, I’m good with that. I’ve had years of treating myself and I will again one day I am sure.

But. But but but. I am a person who had interests and passions before kids and thinking longingly about them and being excited on the rare occasion I get to indulge them isn’t wrong. I have a lovely group of friends from university: we are spread over the summer and every year it’s such a massive treat meeting up. Next year that will be trickier … this year I’m literally ‘ I am game as long as it’s Monday or Wednesday!’

I have a boring interest and there’s a museum about an hour away I’m going to this summer, yes I could take my children but the older one would be bored and run round and the baby would whinge and I wouldn’t get to look at anything really. That’s not wrong.

If I had family who could occasionally help out it would be different but I don’t. It does puzzle me you think I don’t love my children because I’m a bit 😭 at never getting a break from them. I mean I love chocolate but I wouldn’t want to eat it ALL the time!

I’m a teacher and I see it as a massive perk! It’s literally the only thing keeping me in the job.
My husband picks up the slack during term time as his job is more flexible.

Absolutely this.

Yeah I don’t to be honest … I think primary colleagues often seem to have more stuff to do in holidays than secondary, getting classrooms ready and the like.

I’m always amazed these days how many people have kids and then voice that raising them is actually a bit of a pain in the arse and takes up their ‘free’ time…

It’s called parenting.
Yes it takes time.
Yes it’s hard work.
Yes there’s more to it with lots of hard graft you don’t see in Insta photo reels of those perfect moments.

I'm a teacher (F/T) and I think it's a bloody privilege to have all summer off.

Mine are teens now but even when they were younger and harder, I saw it as an absolute gift that I was given six weeks off with my children, paid.

You must see that given how much other parents struggle with juggling annual leave/the cost of childcare, it's a bit tactless to moan about six weeks off with your children?

I am not a teacher and all of my AL is used for childcare, plus a bit of extra stress finding childcare for the hols that dh and i cant cover with AL. So i don't have 6 weeks in a row but also dont have any days to myself.

Your kids are young but it will get easier as they get older and you can watch them play rather than supervise so much. If you have any friends with kids try to arrange trip to park together it is easier if a bit of adult chat included.

I’m going to be really controversial here, why is it that people choose to have children they then don’t actually want to spend time with? I have always really loved the school holidays and a chance to spend proper time with my kids when they are not exhausted from school (but then, I was lucky enough to have very easy kids)

More reasonably, if you’ve had them all day OP, hand them over to dh for the evening routine!

I suppose this highlights we all face different challenges as parents.

You’re worried about spending all your holidays with your children, I’m worried that my annual leave doesn’t cover all the time she’s off school, yes I can use holiday clubs but when I work 12hr shifts including weekends, Christmas and bank holidays you quickly find yourself in a bit of pickle but hey ho different horses for different courses 🙃

You won’t have your DH watch the kids
You won’t put them in a holiday club
And then moan you don’t get time to yourself

Either accept that you are a parent not an individual (which personally I completely disagree with but some people especially on here do think that way) or find ways to have a balance between the two and that may mean having them looked after by someone else for a couple of hours

Obviously I appreciate that’s more difficult if SEN is involved but unless I have missed it that doesn’t seem to be the case with OP

Most people are at work when they're at work and have their children when they're not? DH is working today and I have a vomiting child at home, I've been at work all week. That's parenting isn't it? Last weekend I was on call and got called in so DH had DS, did the housework, got him to a party, cooked dinner etc. It's just family life.
The difference seems to be that your DH works away tues-thurs so you have those evenings by yourself. My DH works one late a week and so do I, my aunt and uncle worked opposite day and nights for years when their children were young. Make the most of the times you are all together as a family

I was in the same position as you OP. I loved looking after my own DD though. I planned something nice to do every day and appreciated how much nicer it was spending time with my own child than other people's. Stick with it and enjoy it- you will look back fondly on the long summer hols when they're all grown up.

Yes, her DH doesn't get 6 weeks holiday in the summer.

Same advice- solve the problem to suit you. He takes all of his holidays in the summer might be their solution.

Do you spend the first week of your holidays at work?

I think this is a stupid question and quite unkind really.

I always loved spending time with my dc, and count myself as very lucky for feeling that way, but none of us really know how we are going to feel about it until we are actually in it. I'm sure that the OP adores her kids and that they're very well cared for, she just finds caring for them for extended periods difficult. Not everyone is the same?

@allsummereverysummer I have friends who are teachers and they all use year round nurseries for their children so they have time off over the summer. Although rarer than camps for older children, I have seen a few advertised in my area that take children from 2 to 10 and do half and full days ad hoc so they do exist. Look into it for your own sanity.

OP does the 'lion share' here in lay the problem.

Parenting should be shared, the only time its OK for a parent to do the lions share is when a) Partner is dead. b) Partner is a criminal and you need distance from them!

I don't think it's misogyny to suggest that she should have the bulk of the childcare - she works three days, and has 13 weeks holiday.
If she feels that the husband should do more, they need to have a conversation about his work.

It is clear that OP is the teacher. ‘Colleagues married to teachers’ means teacher married to another teacher so they are both off over the holidays together so the summer isn’t sole responsibility for either of them.

There was another poster who’s DH was a teacher, which OP commented on, perhaps you are confusing the two.

It isn’t fair to invalidate OP feelings because other people have it harder. Nobody who is struggling finds any comfort in thinking oh well, at least it isn’t even worse.

Sounds like the 2 kids are at a tricky age/dynamic at the moment, it’s intense and the OP is missing time to decompress. Perhaps a couple of hours child-free time will help you reset? Speak to your DH.

Wow - childcare they are your kids.

Unfortunately you have discovered too late that you do not actually like children, don't want to be with them and long to ''browse the shops''

OP, parenting young children is really hard.

if I’m reading you right, you’re children are pre-school… it’s was the hardest time for me as I found it exhausting and quite dull.

I found the best thing was meticulous planning to keep them occupied and out of the house as much as possible. Can you increase the days they are in childcare?

I don’t want to hijack the OP’s thread (not looking for the pre mentioned pity), but sometimes parenting doesn’t always turn out the be the idea you had in your head. I have three children, two with ASD/adhd and one on the ASD pathway (who is also three and comes with its own fun). It is hard, those summers of adventures and fun I had dreamt of have over the years turned into 6 weeks of damage control. I have one child who is incredibly socially anxious - takes a lot of encouragement to get him to go anywhere that isn’t home. My other son is high needs and a two adult situation when out and about. I can work around taking one or two out at a time but it’s stressful regardless. The only thing that saves my sanity is sharing the holidays with their dad - before we split I honestly thought I’d was heading for a breakdown from everything being on me (and I feel guilty about that!). I love my children, they’re brilliant little people. But they thrive on the routine of school, the holidays are not fun family time for us. But that’s just my situation, everyone is different.

I’m going to be really controversial here, why is it that people choose to have children they then don’t actually want to spend time with? I have always really loved the school holidays and a chance to spend proper time with my kids when they are not exhausted from school (but then, I was lucky enough to have very easy kids)

I don’t think it’s controversial to not want to spend all my time with them!

I was thinking at first that I get your point and we’ve had similar chats in our household. Then I read that they are both at nursery 2 days a week… When they are both in school use some holiday camps to give you a breather, but really I think you need to give your head a wobble.