Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

I think some people are taking the thread very seriously to be honest. I do feel slightly daunted by the fact that for the next three years (after this one) I will never ever have any sort of ‘break.’ Now there may be solutions to this but if they aren’t solutions I’m going to go for, think I’m an idiot by all means but it just is.

I am sure there are people who are superior to me in many ways because they love it. I find it tiring and stressful and relentless which isn’t to say there are no perks at all but it’s certainly easier in work just at the moment.

It can be lonely too.

I am a teacher and didn't realise until I had children what a boon it would be. I understand that early years can be demanding, but I think you have to work out strategies to make the time enjoyable.
We couldn't afford to pay for childcare in the holidays, so I did it all. The toddler years are tough, but just think about varying the activities, keeping them busy and engaged, enjoying the time together. It goes before you know it, and I'm glad that I was able to have that time together.
If you have issues with your husband and his work, you're going to need to talk about that.

I don't understand why you don't explain why you say you will never be without a child when you're not at work? Why can't you leave the children with your husband at weekends? Why doesn't he take annual leave?

So if too young ask nursery if there are extra days available or find a childminder for those days. Like people in other professions have to pay for

Funny thing about having kids is you don't know what it's going to be like until you have had them and it's not as if you can send them back. Although we could actually have sent some of ours back, but we wouldn't have done, like most people we stuck it out. But I've never forgotten how hard some of those days were, so I can offer empathy for those who are still in the thick of it.

Also by your own admission, you had easy kids, so really you have no experience to add.

We are taking it seriously, OP.
There were times in my life when I felt that I was working at work, then working at home. We had no family at all to support and it felt relentless. However - it's not forever! The children get more independent and it gets easier.

I will be browsing the shops later after dropping my children off with their father. I’m such a terrible parent. I’m also going to slob out in front of the tv and order a takeaway before spending most of tomorrow morning in bed. I can’t wait, it will be heaven. Ill let my kids know it’s because I don’t like them, not because I simply need a break.

The interesting question is, why is it controversial as a mum to publicly admit that you find time with children sometimes draining, but it passes without comment for the dad to "work away" for weeks or months at a time?

Yeah it's sort of depends how you look at it. We never have the stress of trying to juggle insufficient annual leave with the school holidays and never have to worry about holiday club being booked out or spending a fortune on summer holiday childcare and I get to spend all summer with my kids, which I used to love but the novelty has worn off a bit now!

But yes you never really get a break and it gets irritating seeing your partner use AL to 'get stuff done' or relax when you don't get that opportunity.

I tend to book mine into a cheap holiday club for a week towards the end of the hols just for a bit of a break now.

Sexism

@allsummereverysummer

You should be able to have a break.
You should see friends and have hobbies.
But you should have a partner who helps & that you can trust 🤷🏻‍♀️

What will change in 2 yrs?

But honestly OP, like so many of us are saying, that just is life with young DC. I'm the first to admit I find it tough (although my youngest is 4 now and it's definitely getting easier and easier, that started when she was about 2.5 so I think you're getting there), and that I've lost myself a bit and if you want a moan about the relentlessness of parenting young DC while working I'll be right there with you, moan away.

But it's like this is hitting you a few years later than it hit the rest of us because you've had a huge amount of time to yourself up til now. For most of us it starts on the maternity ward! I do think you have slightly unrealistic expectations.

You do need to put more on your DH though, he can definitely look after his own DC, you manage it all the time.

ETA, don't rule out holiday clubs once they're old enough. My 6yo is doing two weeks at scouts (she's not in scouts, it's just a summer camp they do) and a few days at gymnastics as well as her usual out of school club, and she can't wait. Especially for scouts because her bff is going too so they'll get to see each other every day. And I'm happy because she'll be outside running and climbing and having a ball.

The interesting question is, why is it controversial as a mum to publicly admit that you find time with children sometimes draining, but it passes without comment for the dad to "work away" for weeks or months at a time?

It’s odd that many can’t see that the OP has a DH problem.

What a spiteful post, just where is the need for that? She hasn't said that at all. Most of us need a bit of child free downtime every now and then.

Hang on, you said you wouldn’t leave DH with the kids. Is that right? Their own father never looks after them even for an afternoon? If so then THIS is your issue. The way to get time alone without your kids if you aren’t a solo parent isn’t to leave your job or use up all your annual leave or pay for holiday clubs. It’s to get their OTHER PARENT to look after them sometimes while you go off an enjoy your museum/swim/walk/whatever it is you enjoy.

I think this might be it. Lots of us have had to deal with this from day dot

This is a major point here OP. Why wouldn't you leave him with the kids. Did he not want kids?

Yes I did this ! But I hated teaching and went into supply teaching - now I work all term time but also have to work part time in holidays for financial reasons ! I’m seeing all the other teachers looking forward to their 6 weeks off and the ones with children looking forward to the time with children and I’m so jealous ! I would give anything to have a whole 6 weeks with them , you don’t get many summers 😔

But - don’t know OPs situation . Maybe a week or so in holiday clubs , then the rest with them .

It’s important to remember that annual leave elsewhere is only , 6 weeks? So a lot less than teachers - would it be fair for him to use it as childcare ?

I don't understand why you don't explain why you say you will never be without a child when you're not at work? Why can't you leave the children with your husband at weekends? Why doesn't he take annual leave?

Im not sure why the OP is refusing to acknowledge any posts about her DH. Is this a troll thread?

But she doesn’t. He works when she doesn’t so of course she should do the childcare. And she said she wouldn’t have DH looking after them anyway so what has the DH done wrong?

This is just normal surely. We have to tag team annual leave to cover the holidays so we aren’t together much either. I work and then look after the kids when not working. Everyone I know is literally in the same boat…

You need to plan for husband to look after the kids by himself for half of his holidays.
Try to book your kids into one (or two) days per week childcare or clubs during the time you are looking after them on your holidays. You are being paid.

Share the care for the weekends. try:

Each of you being soley responsible for one child all weekend.
or three hourly changes - you have them both, then him, then both of you have family time..repeat. or you have them for a half day while husband does all chores and the next day swap.

Use your creativity to think of a solution.

I’ve already answered it. I’ve said that quite simply I wouldn’t want him to do it to me so I don’t do it to him. At weekends the children have activities that can’t be done without one adult. DS does rugby and swimming and DD does swimming and a little baby ballet class. (Although if the poor child has my grave and flexibility this may be short lived.) And despite some posts on here painting me as the worst mother since rose west I won’t actually see them go without

Well I know.

But it's also internalised misogyny isn't it? There's always a pile on from other women on these threads.

It's OK to find filling a long summer holiday hard.

It's also hard getting childcare for that time.

It's hard when men don't pull their weight.

We all need more balance and an ability to put ourselves in other's shoes.

My DSis made very different parenting and career choices to me. Is her life easier? Not really. She's another one who was very anxious about leaving her kids with others, even their dad. That is a difficult way to be.

I don’t think I have a DH problem. I do think there are a lot of posts who are riled by a teacher having a moan. We do sometimes I am afraid!

My only DH problem is his work but that’s just how it is.