Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

That's the problem, not your working hours, his. I hated it when DH travelled for work when ours were that age and it was only a few times a year.

Can he dial it back a bit? What do the mothers on his team do? "Essentials" at work for fathers often turn out not to be essential at all for mothers.

Does he take the kids at the weekend and give you a break? Do you have a cleaner to at least take that off your plate?

@LemonandLimeCake you’re being really very rude you know. And it’s clear I’m the teacher.

Looking after my demanding child is much harder than teaching. And I've certainly taught a few demanding children who behaved better for me than their parents.

We're all different.

The friend I mentioned was not the one keen to have children. It was the work away for a month at a time DH. He was basically keen to have children if someone else did the work.

Men are rarely criticised for spending little time with their children. Where is the DH in this?

It was clear to me that the OP is the teacher?

This is the issue, that you find parenting so difficult. I'd have thought a teacher would find dealing with only 2 children quite easy, in practical terms

Being a secondary school teacher where you teach classes of teenagers for an hour at a time has very little in common with wrangling toddlers all day. Which is easier depends very much on the toddlers in question, the type of school you work in, and what your strengths are!

All sympathy

It's always a better situation for the non teacher to be a women and the teacher to be a man.

I find it equals up a lot of the domestic labour and childcare as they have to do all the work and childcare in the holidays.

I do, stuff of nightmares

I quite enjoy one at a time but having both all the time would finish me off I think.

I have a lot of sympathy OP. I think once you relax into those days you’ll find a better rhythm. It is tough with little kids. It’s great that you’ve a couple of days off a week. What helped me was planning one nice thing a day but keeping expectations low. Can you set up a paddling pool and have friends over? Any water play was always brilliant fun with ours. Keep repeating- it’s just a phase, just a phase. The more I looked after them myself the easier it got and the more I enjoyed it.

I find it really wierd that so many parents "dread" a couple of days a week with their children.

I remember being a child, my mum didn’t work but I still enjoyed going to clubs etc. Why wouldn’t I? When mine were younger I always used childcare on subsequent mat leaves, my dc preferred it apparently.

OP sympathies.

Full time teacher here and with 1&4 yo kids I went to work for a rest.
2&5 was slightly better.
3&6 felt dreamy, we could go out without nappies and just needed a picnic.
4&7 was amazing!

Hold on in there.
The days are long but the years really are short. I know this sounds glib and not the kind of shit you want to hear when you're knee deep in 2 kids not listening, and screaming. However the holidays really are a joy now. Set yourself a routine up. Connect with other teacher parents to meet up and share the load.

Doing no work on the evenings is the "me" time. Don't feel guilty about an hour of cbeebies while you lie with a cuppa either.

I used to find spending whole days with them (and weeks!) daunting when my children were nursery age. Last summer (when they were 4 and 6) I genuinely enjoyed it. I’m not a teacher any more but have my own business and can take lots of time off in the summer so couldn’t justify putting them in clubs etc more than the odd day when I really have to go into work.

For me I write a list of outings and places we can go out in advance and go out somewhere every day (including plenty of free ones like playgrounds and parks which are slightly further afield) but also let them watch a film each day or do something low key at home for a bit of time off for me.

Don’t feel bad, I definitely used to feel the same and it really has changed over time!

And my dc are older now but I still work p/t, I need time without them!

I think this is your problem - you wouldn't leave him with the kids, because you don't enjoy it so you don't ask it of him? Sorry but it's absolutely unreasonable that you don't feel able to say to DH 'look I need some time away from them to get some bits done and connect with a friend, can you make a plan for having the kids Saturday afternoon?'. You need to figure out why you can't or don't do this and fix it.

You need to leave him with the kids! He's travelling with work, I bet he goes to a quiet hotel room by himself in the evening, and I bet you'd kill for that. You need to leave him with the kids solo, and he needs to appreciate the hard yards you're putting in.

Also, seriously @LemonandLimeCake , OP has been crystal clear that she is a teacher and her DH isn't. I don't understand your confusion. Maybe reread her posts.

It’s not all teachers. It’s one who is finding parenting difficult.
Are you a teacher? And if not, why?

I feel sorry for your kids.

The disdain and dislike you feel for them must be obvious to them.

Not wanting to be around your children for 3 days a week is pretty awful yet you don't seem to be able to understand how this appears to other people.

I had 2 with less than a 2 year gap. DH was often overseas with work. In laws and my parents in other countries.

It was hard, bloody hard. I had them 24/7 for days.

Seriously look online and google parent coaching/ parent coaches.

You really need some professional input rather than wishing your children were grown up and out from under your feet.

Nor should you with the amount of school holidays you have. You could always pay for childcare like other parents have to.

I think the term time workload needs looking at for sure

Just a quick thought. I was a secondary school teacher and I found I enjoyed the time more with my daughter when she was a bit older. Some people love babies and little ones, some love slightly older children. Squabbling toddlers wouldn't be my idea of fun either. And yes, I do like young people.

@LemonandLimeCake what an unpleasant individual you are. Reporting this.

I don't get any of this tbh.

OP you are using the absolute minimum of childcare and won't book extra nor do you feel DH can look after the kids? Really? Do you want time to yourself or not? Those are your options: paid for; their other parent: favour swaps; relations if you're lucky to have helpful ones.

And please, people telling her to suck it up, apply for teaching. We need you! Not even getting a single application for some vacancies. Can't fill PGCE courses. So strange with the holidays being such a great perk .

I'm saying what a lot of other posters have.

I've suggested the OP gets professional help because she's struggling. OR she puts her thread on a different part of MN where she can ask for support rather than come across as she is here.

Do you trust DH to take care of the kids safely?

I wouldn’t leave DH with the kids . I don’t like it when I have no choice so when there is a choice we share the load.

Surely this is your problem? Why on earth can’t you leave your dc with their father?!