Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

I am not sure quite how it gets harder - but er, thanks!

No it’s not clear - are you saying he gets one week AL a year? Or he only uses one week to do his bit for school holidays - what about the rest of his leave?

I am not sure quite how it gets harder - but er, thanks!

Primary school is generally harder as there is more to navigate; shorter days, different activities, play dates, school events, etc

Oh OP - I get it - you’re meant to love every minute and I wanted kids so much and we had IVF but it was still hard getting used to be permanently exhausted and not having a minute to yourself.

I’m also a part time teacher - I’ve always booked them into nursery for a few days in the holidays so that I could have a break or get things done. Could you change a day of preschool to a nursery day so you could do this?

Now that they’re both going to be at school in September I’ve booked one into nursery and the 6 year old will have to come and move to my new classroom and do the set up for that - it’ll be painful - the novelty wore off quickly last summer!

It gets so much easier though as they get older - apart from the arguing - I managed to stay in bed this morning whilst they played on screens and left me alone! So I feel like I’m winning and get a bit of headspace.
I do have the same feeling as you though - DH
will be working and works every Saturday so by the time he’s home I feel like I’ve done it all.

Once they’re out of nursery, you’ll be able to see how much money you save not having to pay for holiday clubs though as they’re extortionate - or maybe you will so that you can have a bit of a break. There’s no right or wrong answer and everyone’s job has its own perks and disadvantages so you’re entitled to feel how you feel.

@LostTheMarble i did not realise I was expected to explain every day in detail.

He takes 5 days just after Christmas as we ‘traditionally’ go to centre parcs then (my school tends to be slightly out of most school holidays then which means we break up literally the day before Christmas Eve but go back a week later so cheaper!)

Then also at Easter as we go to wales then.

Then a week in summer.

And he also does need to keep days free because it is difficult for me to take time off for an unwell child - not impossible but generally speaking his jobs a bit more flexible.

Then the few odd days so for instance we are going to see the Gruffalo in November, we have a wedding October half term, which is 2 days AL, and so on. Hopefully this explains matters. I really don’t think I should have had to go into this amount of detail tbh.

He does. I literally say a few pages ago they both have activities that we tag team so he takes DS to rugby while DD naps or vice versa, later I’ll take DD swimming while he takes DS to the park or whatever. Like I say I can’t keep saying the same over and over.

But you’re aware there are hundreds of parents who work weekends & unsociable hours but still do activities. And presumably activities don’t take the whole day; why would you not all go swimming or just DH take them to the park so you have free time?

Then the few odd days so for instance we are going to see the Gruffalo in November, we have a wedding October half term, which is 2 days AL, and so on. Hopefully this explains matters. I really don’t think I should have had to go into this amount of detail tbh.

Well it’s confusing because I don’t know anyone with this set up. So during your holidays to Wales etc would you not get down time then?

why would you not all go swimming

Because one is in a baby swimming lesson and one is in a preschooler

just DH take them to the park

Because one can’t walk so it’s nicer for the other one to have some one to one time

This having to justify literally everything my family do is becoming a bit upsetting tbh.

With a three year old and a one year old, no.

I genuinely don’t understand why your DH can’t look after a 3 yr old & a 1 yr old for a few hours by himself.

If you took an extended holiday in what would have been term time I can see why there's an issue with leave.

However, if as a result your husband has no AL left for the whole of July and August then definitely try to plan that differently for 2025!

I don't know if primary is harder, but it's definitely fiddly-er.

Secondary is no breeze either here. I really couldn't leave SEN only child DC to her own devices for days at a time. But there's no point borrowing trouble so let's assume your two will get easier as they age.

I do understand where you're coming from. I think every way round is tricky, regardless of whether working parents are teachers or not. Non-teachers are often having to take annual leave at times different to one another so that children can be looked after in the holidays - that's also a situation where people are mostly either working or looking after children. I think there are just not many days to yourself if you work and have children.

Conversely, I am a teacher but have to pay for nursery through the holidays anyway, because there are no term-time only options where I live. This gives me the option of having the child in nursery when I am off work, which is nice in a way, but I'd rather have the thousands of pounds we would save if I could look after them.

He can. I choose for him not to because it’s best for the children to be able to do the things they enjoy when there are two parents. Could I ask nicely if I could stop having to justify everything I do? I don’t want to sound horrible but the endless ‘but WHY’ are making me feel like I’m being held at the old Bailey not posting on MN.

I've read all of your post's OP and some of the others, it seems to me that you're all kidded out. Your kids, other people's kids, where's the adult time? Most people get the opportunity to have kid free time at work or evenings and weekends. You need to factor in more of that perhaps?

Because one is in a baby swimming lesson and one is in a preschooler

But you could do a family swim with the preschooler.

Because one can’t walk so it’s nicer for the other one to have some one to one time

But you can mix it up.

im one of 4, mum didn’t work but my dad (despite his very big job) would wrangle all of us to the park to give her a lie in etc. He was a great role model. I don’t mean to upset you and I completely agree re wanting time out from dc and have said so but I think your set up is very unusual & stressful.

@Phineyj we didn’t have an extended holiday but we did take advantage of cheaper prices as this is literally the only time in our lives we’ll be able to (well, retirement I guess but that is a way off!)

@Cuppapuppa i do get that you think we’re ‘unusual’ and doing it all ‘wrong’ and you would personally do it differently. That’s fine. Could we leave it there now, please?

Is it not worth having a rethink?

TBH I can't see how a 1 yr old baby is getting much out of Centre Parks in December or even the older child. Mine enjoyed it most when they were around 8-12.

Those days could be used for a week in the summer holidays.

Likewise your trip to Wales- is this to see parents or in-laws? Could they not come to see you for a change?

If your H gets 25 days holiday, taking 10 over the summer so he is around for 2 weeks still leaves another 15 days.

Why don't you try to carve out more time for yourself?
It comes over as a bit of martyr syndrome going on.

I'm sure your DH could cope with both children for a few hours at a weekend.
Then, you could go shopping, have a spa trip, do whatever you enjoy.
Your kids don't need their mum 24 hours a day when they also have a Dad around.

Are you afraid to leave them with him for some reason?

If your MH is suffering by being with them all the time it's within your control to change that.

Maybe this is a conversation you should have with your husband.

He can. I choose for him not to because it’s best for the children to be able to do the things they enjoy when there are two parents.

Can you elaborate on the above? Why is it best?

I know you said no more questions but I’m intrigued by that train of thought!

You sound like the type of person who will always find something to complain about.

If that makes you happy, go ahead. But it doesn't sound like it does.

Do you want tips from teacher parents with older DC or do you just want to moan? (Which is fine).

If the former, I'd say plan your time off like a military campaign, putting aside some chunks of time for things that make you happy. You have the benefit of knowing your work dates two years ahead.

I always have summer locked down by Easter at the latest. It is getting harder though because DD won't just go where I send her necessarily. But I include things I want to do in the plans.

Your wellbeing is important. This is a long game.

@allsummereverysummer with all due respect you posted a thread about having no down time in the Summer. But you could have down time but chose not too so it’s a bit odd & a pointless AIBU 😆

@Cuppapuppa ive answered that already I am sorry and have no wish to be ill tempered here but I’ve told you three times your posts are hectoring me and making me feel rubbish. Isn’t that signal enough to back off?

Oh my first “Am I being unreasonable”. “Yes”. “Leave me alone”. 😆😆

There is down time and down time. An hour or two ‘down time’ is nice and all but it doesn’t ’solve’ the problem of a long summer alone. Why it’s therefore being fixated on to this extent I don’t know. I’m a bit daunted by long weeks in the future and you’re just going on and on about DH and weekends - which is not what I’m posting about.