Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

Kids get extremely bored if they aren't doing something.

I’m TT plus and as mentioned have Aug off, so DH obviously takes some annual leave then because it would be pointless for him to holiday when I’m at work and the dc are in school…

Less controversial and more upleasantly smug, especially as someone admitting to "very easy kids".

None of us know what the reality of children is until we have them or how we will respond to the load it brings.

I do agree that the DH should be doing more parenting and if he is genuinely unable to care for his own children for a few hours that is the root of many problems.

I'm feeling sad for the children whose parents think the summer is a "long time" to spend with them. Why bother to have kids and then chuck them in childcare (unless you have to work of course but teachers don't).

What a load of crap.

For me it’s one of the best reasons to stay in teaching! Early years are full on and tiring - it’ll get easier.

@allsummereverysummer do you have local friends? It can be really hard to make those connections if you work most of the week during term time. It can make things a little bit easier especially in the summer hols to meet up with pals with kids a similar age or just have a picnic in the garden or something when one of you is having a rough day.

I would LOVE 6 weeks uninterrupted by work to be with and do things with my kids. I struggle to empathise at all OP. Of course the childcare falls to you - you’re off!!

I have to say... I loved it too!
We're all different, though.

I felt extremely lucky to be a teacher and not have the nightmare of finding childcare during the holidays. As a teacher I liked children. Parenting is not always easy but can be joyful at times.

My DP and I don’t have kids but this is one major reason why I’m happy we are both in education. I’m a teacher and he is HOY in a secondary school. When we have children it’ll be good to be able to share it because honestly I can’t imagine teaching the academic year and then having my own children for 6 weeks 😂

I'm sorry if I came over as harsh but having re-read some posts, it looks as if this is an H problem.

Most families I know, have a summer holiday for 2 weeks and even if they can't afford to go away, it means there are 2 adults to do the day care of the children.

Why can't your husband take time off in the summer @allsummereverysummer ?

That would leave you with 3 days for 4 weeks on your own- 12 days.

Although my DH worked long hours and was away a lot, he did take holiday. sometimes I went away on my own to see friends for a few days or long-distance family.

I also used weekends to go out and do shopping alone, or have my hair done, have spa day, or whatever, leaving him in charge.

Do you not have a network of friends who your DCs can see or play with their children?

No family nearby to share the load?

Local Facebook sites are usually full of things going on for kids at museums, play centres, many arranged by the local councils.

Have you had a look for these?

I don't understand why your H isn't taking holiday so he can be around and you have a family holiday.

You haven't mentioned or alluded to what? Unrealistic expectations? You have though, just by mentioning time off without the DC, which really isn't the norm for working parents. Great for you that you've had it so far, and like I said you should definitely book clubs over the summer in future, but it's not the norm at all. Do you have friends with DC? Do they all have much time off?

If you've been on here any amount of time you'll know that posting the most innocuous dilemma will result in you being torn to shreds and told to LTB , but there's useful nuggets in here if you take a step back and absorb them.

And seriously, each summer is going to be dramatically easier than the last for the next few years.

I'm a teacher with a non teaching husband. I love that I get to spend time with my daughter in the school holidays. It's the main bonus of the job! Make the most of it before they grow up. I would look at why you aren't enjoying your time with them. Are there too many house hold tasks for you to do at the same time as looking after them? Could these tasks be done in the evening once they are in bed or shared our with your husband so you have less to do? Do you have fun activities/trips lined up so each day has a purpose? Are you missing adult company? Perhaps take your children and spend a few days staying with relatives to break up the time. Have you got a family holiday planned with your husband too? I usually spend the last week working all day so when my daughter was younger used to book full time child care for the last week so I could do this. Apart from evenings, I then don't work during the day for the rest of the holidays. Perhaps balancing children and work is causing stress?

I actually love that my DH isn't a teacher because selfishly I enjoy the time with the children by myself.
I tend to book them in a holiday club once a week , because they do a week of holiday club at the end of the hols (our holidays don't align).
I don't feel guilty about this because my husband sometimes takes annual leave when the kids are in school, and has days doing his own hobbies or socialising, which I would never get if I didn't use some childcare in the school holidays.

I do wonder why your DH doesn't take at least some of his annual leave at the same time as yours? My DH always took his when I was off too. Then you could have a bit of child free time then. I think this is what posters don't understand. He is getting his child free time, but you aren't.

You are incredibly fortunate that for this summer you will have 10 full child free days, that's an enormous amount.

No she won’t, the children are not in nursery over summer. The op said they’re in preschool when she’s not at work during the term time - presumably this is a nursery attached to a school not private.

But I agree it’s not typical for there to be two parents and one won’t leave the children with the other for a few hours.

Does your DH know how much you are struggling?
My DH used to work long hours and wasn't getting as much time with the girls as we wanted, we were working all hours to afford a small place in London.
When Covid came it made us both realise how much we valued the family time, I cut my hours, he changed to a less demanding job where could work from home 3-4 days out of 5, and we moved out of London. Yes we both took a salary cut, careers can wait but children can't, we realised we would never get this time back.
Can your husband look at a job where he is away less, even if this means a slight salary reduction?
You also need to give him some with just themselves you have some alone time. Daddy time is different to mummy time is different yo whole family time and all are valuable. My favourite memories are my Dad sneaking us out for a milkshake and park day

I know exactly how you feel OP. It will get better, eventually.

When my kids were little it used to frustrated me hugely that I could manage 32 teenagers at the same and yet I couldn't get my toddler daughter to put her clothes on or in fact do anything that I asked without some great drawn out negotiation process.

(Can't be arsed to change my username but it's not true currently)

Paid-for private nurseries are open 52 weeks of the year @LostTheMarble

Hahahah sorry I’m proper laughing (know I shouldn’t )

Gosh, I always felt being able to spend the long summer holidays with DC was a privilege, I loved pottering about in the garden or kitchen with them, park or beach trips, walks, blackberrying, having time to just be, but if you don't, use some childcare, like you'd have to if you both had normal annual leave allocations.

She will this year, but not next year once the youngest moves to term time only provision.

But he does do it to you? All the time?

And the occasional day of looking after his own children really shouldn't be a burden.

Why can't he take them for a few days in the school holidays?

I’m a teacher and my DH isnt. My kids are 3 years apart. So in the early years when DS was 4 and DD was 1, she was in childcare three days a week in the holidays to keep her routine and DS was home with me. I would have definitely found it harder if there was a smaller age gap on the 2 days I had both of them. But on the other hand, all my holiday days were with at least one child. I haven’t ever really minded it but like I say maybe that’s the age gap.

they are 8 and 11 now and tend to play out all day. They’re old enough to come out for the day with me and for it to be really enjoyable for all of us (when they aren’t arguing!). I do feel it gets much easier and more enjoyable as they get older in the summer holidays

I think it was a perfectly valid reply

No one really knows what having a child is like till you have one and you still don’t know what having children will be like when you have your 2nd or 3rd etc because the first is a shock to the system and every child and relationship between them is different
No one tells you the reality of feeding and changing a baby when they woke at 3am and you can still be feeding them 2 hours later

If you find it easier going out with them then why not look at going on days out instead of being at home
I was never in. (Years Merlin pass which was bought with Tesco club card meant Legoland, Chessington, London Aquarium, London Eye etc and packing a picnic)

Why would you only go out with them if you are going out in a group or when you are meeting others

The fact you don’t have any alone time now you have children isn’t that strange.

If you don’t find days with your dc enjoyable then tailor the day to something you enjoy

Take them to a big shopping mall and look at clothes for you and take them into different stores to look around at what they like. Go for a coffee and or lunch There is so much you can do if you look around

Even walking our dog was turned into a day out by going on a longish walk In a different area using the rights of way signposts and take a picnic we would walk the trail then finish off in a local pub for a cold drink

There are a 1001 things you could do.
These days out were not just about going somewhere and doing something but actually sitting down and talking to your children about all sorts of stuff