Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you free birthed?

218 replies

36weeks4days · 12/07/2024 21:47

I am 36 weeks pregnant and planning on a hospital birth I am hoping for as natural as possible with as little intervention as possible

my friend was discussing her labour plans she is considering a free birth. She birthed at home last time.

AIBU to ask if you have ever free birthed? Why you chose that and how it went?

I don't know anybody IRL who has had one, she is due after I've had my son so won't be able to use her experience but my mind is now wondering whether it's something to explore.

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 12/07/2024 22:49

Jesus wept. Is this for Instagram?

My baby would have died if I'd 'free birthed' her as the cord was round her neck.

Think on.

Margo2023 · 12/07/2024 22:50

Sorry but the clue is in the title "free birth" just screams of fad and I honestly think the idea behind it is for the mother to have some sense of achievement and being able to say afterward no medical help / I'm strong enough to go alone etc. agree as above that it's really selfish as not thinking about all of the risks to baby obviously

HarpieDuJour · 12/07/2024 22:50

I knew someone who did this. She bled to death alone in her house and her baby died too.
I'm no fan of medical intervention for its own sake, but access to medical help is essential.

WinterV2point0 · 12/07/2024 22:50

Depends what's more important - your ~ experience ~ or your baby's life?

HBGKC · 12/07/2024 22:51

@CrystalSoup you tell me: which part of the normal physiological process of giving birth necessitates the assistance of another person?

I made it clear I thought it a good idea to have someone to help you, but it's not technically necessary. (V literal person with autism here...)

Mercedes45 · 12/07/2024 22:51

36weeks4days · 12/07/2024 22:28

In fairness to my friend as are at very different points this is her fifth child whereas my son is my first. My friend of course has a lot more knowledge and experience.

My plan of an hospital birth is very much as that's the 'done thing' (normally anyway) and I would like to think much safer.

Without wanting to be too outting my friend has put the nerve into me telling me about some local hospitals and their 'issues' and to be honest made the thought of an home birth and especially a free birth sound really quite lovely.

Bah ha ha, nothing lovely about childbirth. Especially your 1st....... the pain. I can see you screaming "this is lovely" on your kitchen floor having your free birth!!

Margo2023 · 12/07/2024 22:51

@Wishitsnows a solid and thought provoking response right her

Lowkeyloopy · 12/07/2024 22:52

Wtf is a free birth? Googles

Oh FFS. I’ve lost 2 babies to miscarriage while some people are playing it fast and loose with their babies’ lives to jump on a ridiculousy wanky, hippy-dippy (not to mention dangerous) bandwagon.

People do realise scientific progress and medical advancements and care are GOOD things right? That we’re all generally doing better because of them? Crucially, a bit less dead?

Once your baby is hopefully safely here, please take it for its vaccinations too, just in case that was another idiotic flight of fancy you were contemplating.

wellington77 · 12/07/2024 22:52

Maybe controversial but if you seriously want a free birth and that’s your plan I don’t think you’re mature enough to have a baby. Why?; unforeseen medical complications for you and baby even small can be deadly- are you going to deliver the baby if it needs forceps? I needed them and I sure as hell wouldn’t have been able to put them in me and yank my baby out or your partner with no medical training?! . if you lose blood- which I did - I got very tired and needed a lot of stitches and someone to look after baby while that happened- non of this for seen . If death of the baby or you is something you think is easy to gloss or “ as you’ve been told yours is an uncomplicated birth so things like this would never happen to you then m please look back at the History books at women giving birth at home with no medical practitioners with them- see how that went for thrm and most importantly the baby ! It’s mainly the baby I feel sorry for- they have no say, and if they could speak I reckon they would want the safest delivery possible so they can experience life.

MrsLangOnionsMcWeetabix · 12/07/2024 22:53

Rainbowsponge · 12/07/2024 22:39

I’m always bemused by people saying they’re ’aiming for as little intervention as possible’. Unless you’re booked in for an elective C-section, who does aim for intervention? Confused

Probably a lot of crossover with people who ‘hate needles’, I mean who the fuck likes them?

Beehiveme · 12/07/2024 22:55

Absolutely not I wanted an alive and well baby, I also wanted to live.
Midwifes are damn helpful when giving birth. Why on earth would you take the risk when it's literally yours and your babies life I. the line. 🤔

GlossyChipmonk · 12/07/2024 22:55

Cinocino · 12/07/2024 21:49

Personally I don’t get the movement at all. It glorifies some aspects of birth while sweeping the huge dangers under the rug entirely.

This post absolutely nailed it.

MyDogsPaws · 12/07/2024 22:55

36weeks4days · 12/07/2024 22:28

In fairness to my friend as are at very different points this is her fifth child whereas my son is my first. My friend of course has a lot more knowledge and experience.

My plan of an hospital birth is very much as that's the 'done thing' (normally anyway) and I would like to think much safer.

Without wanting to be too outting my friend has put the nerve into me telling me about some local hospitals and their 'issues' and to be honest made the thought of an home birth and especially a free birth sound really quite lovely.

I had 2 normal births including an unassisted homebirth with a MW present but my dc 3 had to be resuscitated at birth and I had a massive PPH this happened at home and was extremely traumatic for us and the midwives involved. Just because your friend has given birth safely before doesn’t mean she will again!

JollyGreenSnake · 12/07/2024 22:55

HBGKC · 12/07/2024 22:51

@CrystalSoup you tell me: which part of the normal physiological process of giving birth necessitates the assistance of another person?

I made it clear I thought it a good idea to have someone to help you, but it's not technically necessary. (V literal person with autism here...)

More women and babies die in unassisted births than when women receive appropriate assistance. It sounds like you think survival isn't technically necessary?

Original poster
36weeks4days · 12/07/2024 22:57

Thank you for your replies. I am very sorry to hear some of your experiences.

Definitely very thought invoking, in reality I am far too scared of the whole experience to actually go through with a free birth I'm more than likely to be the woman in the corner freaking out 😆

Will update again once baby has arrived.

OP posts:
Lessstressedhemum · 12/07/2024 22:57

Also, your friend may have had 4 straightforward births, that doesn't mean that the 5th will be. My 5th was far and away my worst and according to my consultant, after 4, giving birth becomes progressively harder and often more complicated.
I would have left 4 young kids motherless and with a dead baby sibling if I'd even opted for a home birth, never mind a ridiculous free birth.

RenaissanceBaby · 12/07/2024 22:59

The free-birthing movement just seems like a massive slap in the face to women in developing countries who’d probably give their right arms to have access to a doctor or midwife during labour. We’ve come so far we’ve gone backwards and lost sight of how risky childbirth can be.

Moonlightdancing · 12/07/2024 23:01

I would advise again it. I had 2 easy pregnancies, no complications, however needed assistance at the last moment for delivery, one was vacuum delivery, one by forceps. It was quite scary and any delay could have been disastrous for the babies.

Unitedthebest · 12/07/2024 23:02

I hemorrhaged, lost most of my blood and my veins collapsed after birth. At home/alone I’d be dead. Don’t be so selfish… a good mother protects her baby and that starts in pregnancy

Mum2GirlSs · 12/07/2024 23:03

Just because you can; doesn't mean you should

I've had 2 babies - no problems hardly any help from midwife as went into Labour spontaneous and quick (they literally caught baby on the way out both times)

I was gently being pushed into a home birth for number 2 (you are text book birth - was a common saying from my midwife at appointments) but all of the things that could go wrong turned me right off of the idea.

ApplesOrangesBananas · 12/07/2024 23:03

When I gave birth during Covid the midwife was adamant I should have a water birth at home (I know it’s not quite the same as free birth). Anyway I ignored her and even changed hospitals, and luckily I chose to have DC at hospital because I needed a c-section. I dread to think what the outcome might be had I listened to that midwife.

I would strongly urge you not to have a free birth, the most important thing is the baby arrives safely and you are safe also. The risks are far higher with a free birth.

Sunnyshoeshine · 12/07/2024 23:04

36weeks4days · 12/07/2024 22:57

Thank you for your replies. I am very sorry to hear some of your experiences.

Definitely very thought invoking, in reality I am far too scared of the whole experience to actually go through with a free birth I'm more than likely to be the woman in the corner freaking out 😆

Will update again once baby has arrived.

If you have any worries about your hospital, OP, as you mentioned in an earlier post, you can always raise it with your midwife. In between DD1 and DD2, our hospital (a massive London hospital) went into inadequate for maternity. The report literally said "women and babies are not safe in this hospital". I asked my midwife about it, she arranged for me to have a call with the deputy director for midwifery, they told all about what they were doing to fix the issues and extra funding that they had received etc. I decided to stick with them and i had a wonderful birth with DD2, where despite having a very fast and intense labour, i felt really well looked after.

HBGKC · 12/07/2024 23:04

@JollyGreenSnake your post makes no sense. It sounds like you don't think that 'survival' is part of normal physiological birth. I do - just so we're clear.

CrystalSoup · 12/07/2024 23:05

HBGKC · 12/07/2024 22:51

@CrystalSoup you tell me: which part of the normal physiological process of giving birth necessitates the assistance of another person?

I made it clear I thought it a good idea to have someone to help you, but it's not technically necessary. (V literal person with autism here...)

A lot of people would struggle to have a baby, clean up, get the afterbirth out.

It's possible to do alone, but the physicality of it would be really difficult for the majority of women.

JollyGreenSnake · 12/07/2024 23:05

HBGKC · 12/07/2024 23:04

@JollyGreenSnake your post makes no sense. It sounds like you don't think that 'survival' is part of normal physiological birth. I do - just so we're clear.

Your post made no sense to me.