Page 8 | To ask for the positives of only having one child?

uhohala · 2024-07-12T18:59:58+00:00

I know I’m lucky to have one. I always wanted at least two, so they each had a sibling. Sadly separated from DP when ds was 1 and he’s 2.5 now. No new relationship on the horizon and I’m 38 so it’s possible it’s already too late. I feel really down about it tonight. Anyone truly made peace with it or can see any plus points to just having one? I have the money to go it alone but it feels too much when I already have ds.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 13/07/2024 19:23

So so sorry to read that @SoggyTrousers

Metagoths · 13/07/2024 19:24

@SoggyTrousers I am so sorry to hear your story. Sending much love.

There have some truly awful posts on this thread and a complete lack of empathy and failure to understand why some people can't or won't have more than one children. OP, whatever path you choose, please know that research overwhelmingly points to the fact your child will be absolutely fine. I hope you can take comfort from the positive stories people have posted.

Thetroutofnocraic1 · 13/07/2024 19:25

@SoggyTrousers so sorry for your losses.

neighboursfan67 · 13/07/2024 19:27

@SoggyTrousers I'm so sorry for your losses xx

FungusMcEyebrow · 13/07/2024 19:34

@SoggyTrousers you’ve been through unimaginable grief. I am so sorry.

BambooBambou · 13/07/2024 19:41

I am still grieving not being able to have a second child, after many years. My DC would be horrified if she had a sibling and often tells me this. She is a very happy and confident child, and I have tried very hard to make sure she does not miss out on socialisation. We are very close and I cannot imagine having such a close relationship if I had more than one. She has never had an argument with anyone, and I have never had to get angry with her. Again I am sure this would not have been the case with more than one! I still wish I could have another, but I try to cherish and enjoy every minute as I know I am so blessed.

BambooBambou · 13/07/2024 19:45

@SoggyTrousers I am so very sorry for your loss.

Beezknees · 13/07/2024 19:45

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 16:27

Exactly this. There are a minority of only children, who say as adults, they had a great childhood and continue to have a great adulthood.

The majority of only children, as adults, say otherwise. There's a lot of parents announcing on their only child's behalf how wonderful their child finds it, and not even a thought about the future. It's very much a parents choice for the parent, and parents will insist it's what their categorically child prefers. They kind of have too, for themselves.

Again there are exceptions, but you only have to look at this thread to see they are not the rule.

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Do you know every single only child to make a statement like this?

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 19:52

YellowphantGrey · 13/07/2024 16:39

So only children have terrible childhoods and terrible lives as adults and children from families with siblings have good childhoods and good lives as adults?

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Do you just invent stuff to dramatise your own narrative?

Because that's a spectacular load of bull to create from: Most only children would prefer siblings in both younger and later years. This thread shows that. My personal experience is aligned with this. The parents of only children are very insistent that their children prefer this, very vocal about how their child absolutely loves it. The majority of only children on this thread beg to differ.

I had dogs, cats, ponies. Endless holidays. Clubs. Activities. Over compensation in other words. They thought they were giving me the world. I'd have swapped the lot for someone to grow up with. I had five cousins in walking distance. It's not the same.

I imagine most children would have looked at me and thought how insanely lucky I was (v. wealthy parents) with all my "stuff" and constant experiences. And yes, it looked like that from the outside. But I wanted to wake up every morning with my sister and creep downstairs. To share secrets. To have a brother to jump out of trees with. To just have someone there to play one bloody board game with without it being a parent or an arranged play date. I would yearn for school holidays to be over, just so I had my friends back. No, playing out often isn't the same. You can't imagine the boredom.

And that's not even the most difficult part. Teen to adulthood as an only, is hard. No sibling to confide in. No sibling to ask for help. My cousins are all siblings and they socialise weekly, at each others, at their parents. Holidays, Christmases, always out together. Childcare. They have nieces and nephews, they are aunts and uncles. They are the proverbial "village" raising their own families. Me? I'm on my own. My parents are in old age. To care for. To worry about. To run after. When they pass it will all be on my shoulders. I'll inherit a fuck tonne. I won't have to share it. Woopy doo.

And my parents will be the first to tell you how charmed and wonderful my childhood was. Couldn't have been a happier child, who wanted for nothing. Oh, but wait, I can't "prove" them wrong, so it must be true...

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 19:55

Beezknees · 13/07/2024 19:45

Do you know every single only child to make a statement like this?

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Exactly how did you read "the majority of only children, as per this thread" and "there will obviously be exceptions", and interpret that as claiming to know "every single only child?"

That's some spectacular lack of comprehension there.

Beezknees · 13/07/2024 19:58

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 19:55

Exactly how did you read "the majority of only children, as per this thread" and "there will obviously be exceptions", and interpret that as claiming to know "every single only child?"

That's some spectacular lack of comprehension there.

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Doesn't even make sense either as the majority of only children on this thread have said it's fine (myself included) I think there's 2 on this thread that are unhappy with it, but there are also a few people here that said how much they dislike having siblings and don't get on with them.

Thetroutofnocraic1 · 13/07/2024 19:59

@StopInhalingRevels you aren’t backing up your statements or opinions with any research though. It’s all anecdotal. And your fantasies about having “someone to confide in” or a brother to climb trees with are really just fantasies. Lots of people have highlighted the awful relationships they have had with their siblings on this thread.

Beezknees · 13/07/2024 20:01

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 19:52

Do you just invent stuff to dramatise your own narrative?

Because that's a spectacular load of bull to create from: Most only children would prefer siblings in both younger and later years. This thread shows that. My personal experience is aligned with this. The parents of only children are very insistent that their children prefer this, very vocal about how their child absolutely loves it. The majority of only children on this thread beg to differ.

I had dogs, cats, ponies. Endless holidays. Clubs. Activities. Over compensation in other words. They thought they were giving me the world. I'd have swapped the lot for someone to grow up with. I had five cousins in walking distance. It's not the same.

I imagine most children would have looked at me and thought how insanely lucky I was (v. wealthy parents) with all my "stuff" and constant experiences. And yes, it looked like that from the outside. But I wanted to wake up every morning with my sister and creep downstairs. To share secrets. To have a brother to jump out of trees with. To just have someone there to play one bloody board game with without it being a parent or an arranged play date. I would yearn for school holidays to be over, just so I had my friends back. No, playing out often isn't the same. You can't imagine the boredom.

And that's not even the most difficult part. Teen to adulthood as an only, is hard. No sibling to confide in. No sibling to ask for help. My cousins are all siblings and they socialise weekly, at each others, at their parents. Holidays, Christmases, always out together. Childcare. They have nieces and nephews, they are aunts and uncles. They are the proverbial "village" raising their own families. Me? I'm on my own. My parents are in old age. To care for. To worry about. To run after. When they pass it will all be on my shoulders. I'll inherit a fuck tonne. I won't have to share it. Woopy doo.

And my parents will be the first to tell you how charmed and wonderful my childhood was. Couldn't have been a happier child, who wanted for nothing. Oh, but wait, I can't "prove" them wrong, so it must be true...

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This thread doesn't show that though as most only children on this thread haven't said they're unhappy with it. A couple have. Not most.

You're just being biased because of your own feelings.

PeloMom · 13/07/2024 20:02

I see zero negatives for having one and no positives for having more than one. But I’m staunchly one and done

bookworm14 · 13/07/2024 20:02

Someone has literally just posted that she only has one child because her other two children died. Perhaps this thread isn’t the place for your complaining about how shit it is to be an only child.

Diamondglintsonsnow · 13/07/2024 20:06

I am an only child and both my parents loved me, had time for me, gave me every opportunity they could etc I am forever grateful for them and occasionally wondered what it would be like to have a sibling but never felt that I missed out

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 20:09

Beezknees · 13/07/2024 19:58

Doesn't even make sense either as the majority of only children on this thread have said it's fine (myself included) I think there's 2 on this thread that are unhappy with it, but there are also a few people here that said how much they dislike having siblings and don't get on with them.

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I think we're reading very different threads if you can only see two only children declaring they would prefer a sibling.

It's just the same as always. The parents of onlys declaring all the great stuff/money/time/resources that they believe makes a very happy child.

I literally had the moon on a stick. It made marginally less aware that I didn't have a sibling.

One thing that really stuck out is the poster "DS studied Egypt? We went to Egypt" and oh my fucking god, same. I went everywhere. Greek mythology? Off we went to Cyclops Cave. Rome? Three times. Probably 5-6 holidays a year. At least. Hoping for any child at the holiday clubs just to have someone to play with. My parents bragging about, "oh, she looooves Rome, really helped with her school work." And my friends would go for one week with their siblings to a water park and I'd feel like crying. That's all I wanted.

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 20:10

Thetroutofnocraic1 · 13/07/2024 19:59

@StopInhalingRevels you aren’t backing up your statements or opinions with any research though. It’s all anecdotal. And your fantasies about having “someone to confide in” or a brother to climb trees with are really just fantasies. Lots of people have highlighted the awful relationships they have had with their siblings on this thread.

Oh definitely, my best friend and her brother don't speak. That happens, absolutely.

But for every one of those, I know four sibling sets who are hugely supportive to each other.

Beezknees · 13/07/2024 20:11

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 20:09

I think we're reading very different threads if you can only see two only children declaring they would prefer a sibling.

It's just the same as always. The parents of onlys declaring all the great stuff/money/time/resources that they believe makes a very happy child.

I literally had the moon on a stick. It made marginally less aware that I didn't have a sibling.

One thing that really stuck out is the poster "DS studied Egypt? We went to Egypt" and oh my fucking god, same. I went everywhere. Greek mythology? Off we went to Cyclops Cave. Rome? Three times. Probably 5-6 holidays a year. At least. Hoping for any child at the holiday clubs just to have someone to play with. My parents bragging about, "oh, she looooves Rome, really helped with her school work." And my friends would go for one week with their siblings to a water park and I'd feel like crying. That's all I wanted.

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I am an only child and I think your attitude is gross to be honest. My parents were divorced, my father was a drug addicted criminal and my mother couldn't cope without a man in her life. You had loving parents that gave you everything and you're bitter because they didn't have another child. No wonder people think we're selfish!

Metagoths · 13/07/2024 20:13

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 19:52

Do you just invent stuff to dramatise your own narrative?

Because that's a spectacular load of bull to create from: Most only children would prefer siblings in both younger and later years. This thread shows that. My personal experience is aligned with this. The parents of only children are very insistent that their children prefer this, very vocal about how their child absolutely loves it. The majority of only children on this thread beg to differ.

I had dogs, cats, ponies. Endless holidays. Clubs. Activities. Over compensation in other words. They thought they were giving me the world. I'd have swapped the lot for someone to grow up with. I had five cousins in walking distance. It's not the same.

I imagine most children would have looked at me and thought how insanely lucky I was (v. wealthy parents) with all my "stuff" and constant experiences. And yes, it looked like that from the outside. But I wanted to wake up every morning with my sister and creep downstairs. To share secrets. To have a brother to jump out of trees with. To just have someone there to play one bloody board game with without it being a parent or an arranged play date. I would yearn for school holidays to be over, just so I had my friends back. No, playing out often isn't the same. You can't imagine the boredom.

And that's not even the most difficult part. Teen to adulthood as an only, is hard. No sibling to confide in. No sibling to ask for help. My cousins are all siblings and they socialise weekly, at each others, at their parents. Holidays, Christmases, always out together. Childcare. They have nieces and nephews, they are aunts and uncles. They are the proverbial "village" raising their own families. Me? I'm on my own. My parents are in old age. To care for. To worry about. To run after. When they pass it will all be on my shoulders. I'll inherit a fuck tonne. I won't have to share it. Woopy doo.

And my parents will be the first to tell you how charmed and wonderful my childhood was. Couldn't have been a happier child, who wanted for nothing. Oh, but wait, I can't "prove" them wrong, so it must be true...

Show quote history

I've just been through this thread and actually there are most posts from only children saying it was fine and they were happy than those that didn't.

There are also a large amount of posts from people who have had traumatic childhoods due siblings.

I'm sorry there are those that feel their childhood may have improved by having a sibling but there's no evidence that this would have been the case or you would have indeed got on with your sibling. I can empathise that there only children who have lonely or unhappy childhoods. However as research shows and this thread that this is not the case for the majority of only children. Just because your experience has been negative it is not the same for everyone and you do not know a strangers child better than their parents. Did not occur that that these children are saying they are happy only children because they are happy?

A mother has posted about standing at the funeral of her two dead children. I think some people really need to get some perspective.

StopInhalingRevels · 13/07/2024 20:14

Just because your experience has been negative it is not the same for everyone

I've literally said this. Twice...

Thetroutofnocraic1 · 13/07/2024 20:18

@StopInhalingRevels this thread was a request for the positives of having an only child….

Magnificentkitteh · 13/07/2024 20:22

Honestly, I have two but can see loads of having one. My kids are each delightful on their own but together they squabble and rival each other for attention. With one you might get a break when they're at an activity but equally there's stuff you could throw yourself into together - I take one of mine on woodcraft camp but am always stressing about the one left behind. Ditto with other activities - with kids of different ages there's always a compromise. As a lone parent in particular I think a team of 2 would be a much better dynamic. In short, I love both my kids fiercely and equally, but the dynamic between them is not always a pleasure.

Despair1 · 13/07/2024 20:25

One is fine OP. Don;t do it alone with another one, not fair on the child

Despair1 · 13/07/2024 20:41

AnonSoc · 13/07/2024 14:14

I feel quite bad for the OP. She has asked for positives on having an only child as her age and relationship status make it unlikely that she'll be in a position to have a second and the thread has been hijacked by people guilt tripping her. What do these people expect her to do? Rush to the sperm bank and become a single parent to two just for the sake of providing a sibling?

Also, the adult only children on this thread claiming that their lives are terrible because of a lack of siblings don't actually know this is the reason behind their unhappiness, because they have no idea what it's like to have a sibling. All they have is a romanticised ideal of an inbuilt playmate as a child and a source of support in adulthood.

I have a sibling, and we argued frequently as children and they have now buggered off to live abroad as an adult. I haven't spent Christmas with my sibling in years, and all the care of my parents will fall to me.

Spot on! And considering using a sperm bank/donor to enable a sibling, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh