Everyone given gold award except DD

[dancschmance]

DD (aged 8) has attended an after school dance club this term. I thought it was just a bit of fun and a good way to get some exercise etc. It’s certainly never been presented as competitive or serious.

She’s loved it and was very happy and enthusiastic to go every week.

She’s come home from the last session today in tears. Apparently at the end of the class they were all given attainment awards. According to DD, every single other child was given gold except her - she got silver.

I fully admit that DD probably isn’t the best dancer there (she has inherited my coordination skills!) but she’s tried really hard and been fully committed to the club. I had absolutely no idea that they were going to be “graded” at the end of term and had I known this would happen I would not have signed her up. It’s completely ruined the experience for her and feels like she’s been singled out as the “worst” dancer.

Am I being unreasonable or was this is a really mean and unnecessary approach from the dance teacher? It’s not the olympics - they’re 8 year olds at an extra curricular club!

never
because they didn’t

Well DD was very disappointed one time not to have got the same gymnastics award as everyone else which was unfair at the time because they were all the same and very young

This same gymnastics club had a competition of all ages and levels

The called out the name of a winner

The boy wasn't even there so therefore hadn't even competed

We left after that

I can still remember being singled out at ballet class at about age 6 or 7. The words of the teacher were “you are the oldest here, how come you are the worst?”. It stung a bit at the time but, while harsh, it was true (I was terrible!) and can say for certain that it hasn’t affected me long-term. My parents were hugely supportive and I gave up ballet after that. I probably wouldn’t have found my lifetime sport/hobby if I hadn’t moved from ballet to something else….

I don't think it's right to EVER tell children that they are the worst at something. it's not kind. it's demoralising, not encouraging.

Oh that’s not on if it really was everyone else getting gold and just one child singled out to get silver. Not for a supposedly fun dance class for 8 year olds. If they confirm that was the case I think they should say they made a mistake and present her with a gold award on the first day next term.

Make sure this is true. I doubt very much that every single kid in the class got the same award. It probably feels to her like they did because all her mates got one. At the end of the day, I think it's wrong that kids get the 'top' award for just bloody being there. If she's not particularly any good then why would you expect her to get a 'top of the class award'? Don't be THAT stage mum that demands her kid getting attention for the sake of getting attention.

Totally agree with you. I didn’t say it was ok. My example is different to the OP’s case though of course because that’s not what her child was told. My point was simply that it didn’t harm me and actually ended up sending me in a better direction. Sadly we can’t prevent our kids from ever having a disappointment and it’s how we help them move forward that counts. My parents ensured the best possible outcome and I’m sure the OP will also.

As your DC has only been going for a term, is it possible they are working for these awards over a period of time and as a newbie she's just made it to her silver and gold will be coming up in a term or two?

You haven't answered whether everyone else only started this term.

I can guarantee that if your DD goes for a year, works her way up to a gold award and then the teacher gave a not yet very good, just started dancer a gold out of sympathy, your DD would find that horribly unfair.

Yes she has.

It’s only been running for a term so the others haven’t been there longer.

You got there before me, @ManchesterGirl2! Was about to post exactly the same!

It's not nice no.

However, that's dance

I danced (modern, jazz and folk) from the age of 4 to 16.

It's hardcore!

It's why when I watched Dance Moms, putting aside the fake drama from the mums and the plots that were obviously there for entertainment, I wasn't shocked about how Abby Lee was to the group. The pyramid thing was utter bollocks (and she's admitted since that was invented for TV).

My dance teacher I love to this day, but some would think she was awful!

She didn't mollycoddle, she didn't boost your ego, if you weren't performing to the standard expected, she would tell you. If you weren't fully fit she would tell you off. If you turned up late, or missing kit, or just had an off night, yep, she would say. We had people join and leave after a term because they couldn't hack it.

It's also the reason more recently I've said that it doesn't suprise me that Strictly professionals are getting grief for being taskmasters to the celebs. They are professionals, it's their craft, get over yourselves and show respect because they are dedicated and that's why they're at that stage of their career as an expert.

Perhaps she hasn't tried or put effort in, I would think if her dance teacher is like mine this is designed to give her a kick to do better or leave. It's that simple with dance classes. Sorry!

I would imagine any update from the OP could only come once its clarified by a teacher --- so not over a weekend.

However, that's dance

It's an after school club - not a dance school.

The Zumba analogy was spot on (sorry can't remember who said it) if I go to a fun dance class and suddenly get told that they have graded everyone's moves and I haven't 'progressed' I'd be pretty miffed. Shes not 'in dance' it's not a dance school- it's an afterschool casual activity. Big difference.

So was mine with folk. After school dance club between the ages of 7-11. Still would've expected the teacher to tell us to show up or leave.

it won’t come
because the clarification will be that the DD was wrong

I agree with you OP. Life does NOT have to be competitive - actually you can dance, sing, be creative for the purpose of JOY - how sad people forget that.

and there is one comment here that - wow - really got on my nerves

'whenever a parent complains to me they end up looking like an idiot'

what a vile attitude. I tend to bring things up with a teacher because my child is upset - even if there has been a misunderstanding I can assure you I would not feel like an idiot for clarifying things.

Has it occured to people that if the DD was 'wrong' - the teacher might understand that the 'small child' could still have been treated in a different way????

But you don’t know for sure that she was singled out do you?

I wish people would read the bloody thread.

Even Op says she doesn’t know for sure if her DD was the only one who got gold

She’s got a bee in her bonnet and has made a huge assumption and now you are too.

I’m not going to get into a fight with you but my post said “ It’s unkind and unnecessary, if that was in fact what happened. Perhaps you did not read that part of my post.

Thus I am not making assumptions at all. I suspect that others may also have got silver, in which case, whilst disappointing that is a life lesson.