DD(5) attacked in park by classmates

[worriedmama91]

Posting here for traffic as I really need advice by tomorrow morning. Name changed as this is outing. This is long, I’m sorry!

After school today my DD(5) went to the local park to play. For context the park is right next to the school and all the children go there after school. She has been called names by a couple of boys in her school previously and has said they’re mean, I have always just told her to ignore them and tell the teacher if they’re being unkind. Today those boys after tormenting DD’s friend and making her cry said ‘let’s get (DD)’ they proceeded to chase her with one boy, a year older than DD (but in the same class as it’s a small school) grabbed her from behind by the shoulders and kneed her hard in the back. DD was inconsolable and in pain, she had been very scared trying to run from them.

I wasn’t present but DH was, he immediately went next door to the school to inform them so that DD will be kept safe in school from these boys but their response was ‘oh gosh well boys do play rough’. The mum of DD’s friend witnessed the whole situation and was unhappy herself with them making her DD cry so I know she will back me up.

I emailed the school to advise them of the situation and explain that I would like to speak to them tomorrow in regards to the situation so that I can feel comfortable with sending DD in to school. As of yet no respone but I plan on asking to speak to them in the morning after drop off.

My question is AIBU to expect the school to take action despite this taking place off school grounds? All I’m asking is that they speak to the boys’ parents and make sure the boys are aware that nothing similar can happen again. Is there anything I should expect the school to do or is it nothing to do with them?

In addition if anyone has any advice of what to say/how to word myself that would be great, I’m awful at confrontation and fear I may just cry! So upset that my poor DD has been targeted, apparently they always call her a baby.

The parents of 5 year olds were nowhere to be found?! I'd make it bloody clear that these five year olds were left unsupervised and were potentially at risk. If they'd decided to attack the child or younger sibling of someone prone to violence this could have been a very different outcome. I'd raise that 'boys play rough' and not being interested in neglected 5 year olds in their own school are both inadequate responses.

*LiterallyOnFire *

Nope - I might just agree that he’d been in the wrong for punching them but not massively.

the phrase fuck around and find out applies here.
These feral little shits assaulted a little girl for fun. A stern warning from a parent is the absolute minimum required.

i Ensure that the adult present, father, does their job in future.

Should actually be point a.

Contact the school about the incident - whilst the attack happened outside school it is a school connection between the children.
Concerning that the teacher approached laughed it off - separate complaint.
Concerned as to where the parents of the other children were - safeguarding issue - unsupervised children?
Ask the school how they are going to keep your daughter safe. Potentially keep her off until this is confirmed.
Contact the governors if you don't get a suitable response.

The school should absolutely be speaking to the boys in question and their parents. I would ask the question how are they going to ensure your DDs physical safety and stop these boys from assaulting her in school? I'm shocked that your DH was told boys play a little rough! What a ridiculous response! Was this from your DDs teacher or the Head? Try and stay calm when you speak to the teacher tomorrow, not easy I know when you're raging. I hope your little one is ok 🫂

That. Yes, tell the school tomorrow as you're concerned that these boys might be a risk to your daughter, but don't 'kick up a stink'. It's not their job to supervise a park that just happens to be next door, or to come and sort out children whose parents are present, outside school hours.

It's really odd that their DH went to the school instead of sorting it himself. No wonder the adult he spoke to sounded confused.

We have no idea who DH spoke to. He went into the school. It could have been the head, the secretary or even a cleaner. The latter two are the most likely to be around in the entrance hall, frankly.

Many posters are entirely jumping the gun here. What was said by a random adult when, unexpectedly, a dad arrived after school hours about an issue in the park next door, isn't necessarily indicative of what the appropriate adult will say tomorrow, when the reasonable question about how they will protect DD from those boys is asked.

Absolutely this, I bet their parents would have come forward if he had hoisted them into the air by the jumpers. I was pushed into the road as a child, luckily my mum was nearby and grabbed the child and told them what would happen if they continued with that behaviour, their parents came round, but funnily enough when my parents had told the full story they went away quietly. Some kids need the fear of god putting in to the. Your poor DD 😓

A few things
First the school would not release a 5 year old except to their parent/carer, and given there is nothing about except the school and the park, i find it hard to believe the parents are not there in their somewhere near by (eg in cars) So I do not think you can say they have been neglected.
I think its a bit rich your dh marching into school going on about the school not keeping her safe, when the incident happened on her parents watch!!
The school can log your husband's report on CPOMs or whatever but I cant see they can do anything more. The kids had all been handed over to their respective parents, and they cannot start sanctioning children for an incident they dont even know happened !

I would be finding out who the boys parents are and speaking to them. Don’t need to be confrontational, just explain what’s happened. I’d be beside myself if this happened to one of my little boys

I’m shocked by what happened, outraged by the school’s response. Does your daughter have a bruise? Call the police if the school won’t do anything. This was an attack. What kind of kids do this in front of adults? Are you able to move your daughter? Sorry to say I don’t think she’s in a safe environment. At 5 you should have no cares in the world and school should be fun. I hope your little one is okay.

Something very similar happened to my son. The school was rubbish they said because it was off their grounds it wasn't their problem. Our issue was that the bullying started in school and carried on outside od school.

His mother was ' boys will be boys' type.
Long story short, one of the boys went for my son while I was their at pick up so I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and shouted 'if you ever touch my son again you will have to deal with me now fuck off.' Majority of the parents thought it was brilliant, the teacher tried to reprimand me to which I replied 'your fault for not handling it' and his mother was furious. I told his mother in earshot of everyone exactly gow I felt and her son and the other gang of boys bullying my son and how from now on how I would be dealing with it personally rather than school!
She quietly walked away.

Isn't it obvious that OP is entitled to ask what steps the school will take to keep her daughter safe from these bullies when she is in school?

Issuing threats of violence to other children is also liable to get him into big trouble. He reacted appropriately.

Schools are entitled to discipline pupils for behaviour off school premises. Department for Education guidance gives various instances in which it would be appropriate, including conduct:

when wearing school uniform;
when in some other way identifiable as a pupil at the school;
that could have repercussions for the orderly running of the school;
that poses a threat to another pupil; or
that could adversely affect the reputation of the school.

So absolutely this school can and should deal with this. OP, has there been any follow-up since yesterday?

When my child had an issue at school that subsequently ended in the park after school when mine had enough of said child… we got the most abusive messages from the parents. Laughable now but I was absolutely furious that said child had picked on many others over the previous weeks yet their child was innocent. (We’d witnessed numerous occasions just not the day it happened to our child) anyway, school wanted nothing to do with it however, child was in uniform representing the school and incidents had occurred during class time too.
teacher called the next day to apologise incidents had happened in her care, (she was unaware) but that she would keep a closer eye… i just asked that they were kept completely separately and that if anything else were to happen I would involve the police.
unfortunately, you do get vile children but also means they likely have vile parents. No child at 5/6 should be behaving like that (rough play or not!) and making excuses rather than dealing with it is the reason so many are as vile as they are!
speak up to school the incidents such as the park don’t just happen at the park and you want to know your child will be kept away from the child!

Don’t just mention it at drop off. Request a meeting with both the class teacher and the head as a matter of urgency. Keep your daughter off of school until you can be sure that the school are taking action.

The 6 year olds reaction to your Dh isn’t normal.

What was the outcome from today OP?

Sorry but as a teacher, I could remind children about behaviour and what’s not acceptable and there would be consequences for anything in school, however this was on your DH - he should have been close enough to DD to step in - he should have roared as soon as he heard them say they were going for her.
Her friend had her mum to help her so DH should have been aware that these kids were vicious and could go for his daughter.

I hope things improve and your DH is more aware next time too.

Btw your poor baby. I hope that you are ok @worriedmama91.
Well done to your Dh as well for being so level headed.

And here lies the issue - people like you enable this.

That child is a bully and will be a bully in school; it is a mutual place where parents can discuss his behaviour and a sanction in place as he is in uniform.

Stop victim blaming, no child should have to put up with this - aged 5 or aged 10.

If it’s a small village surely you can find out who the parents are. You need to do this and go and deal with this situation directly.

Omg this is awful I would speak the head teacher don't worry if you cry your being a protective mum they should speak to children involved and there parents. Maybe say parents should know as kids unsupervised is child neglect at that age. Also whist in school uniform they have to deal with it. Threaten with police if necessary and school governors. Just because there 5 doesn't mean they should not get a telling off. I would have wanted to hit them but we can't do this. Like someone said if there like that at 5 what about another 5 years.

If your DH had a pack of 5-7yo boys with no parents alone at the playground, he should have called the police for their safety. That would also help grab the attention of boys and parents.

I don't know why teachers wouldn't want to know as an FYI, it builds out a pattern of behaviour to watch for.

I mean sure, report it to the school. However as it happened outside of school hours and premises - I’d be looking to speak to the boys parents yourself? Maybe your DH as he witnessed the incident?