DD(5) attacked in park by classmates

[worriedmama91]

Posting here for traffic as I really need advice by tomorrow morning. Name changed as this is outing. This is long, I’m sorry!

After school today my DD(5) went to the local park to play. For context the park is right next to the school and all the children go there after school. She has been called names by a couple of boys in her school previously and has said they’re mean, I have always just told her to ignore them and tell the teacher if they’re being unkind. Today those boys after tormenting DD’s friend and making her cry said ‘let’s get (DD)’ they proceeded to chase her with one boy, a year older than DD (but in the same class as it’s a small school) grabbed her from behind by the shoulders and kneed her hard in the back. DD was inconsolable and in pain, she had been very scared trying to run from them.

I wasn’t present but DH was, he immediately went next door to the school to inform them so that DD will be kept safe in school from these boys but their response was ‘oh gosh well boys do play rough’. The mum of DD’s friend witnessed the whole situation and was unhappy herself with them making her DD cry so I know she will back me up.

I emailed the school to advise them of the situation and explain that I would like to speak to them tomorrow in regards to the situation so that I can feel comfortable with sending DD in to school. As of yet no respone but I plan on asking to speak to them in the morning after drop off.

My question is AIBU to expect the school to take action despite this taking place off school grounds? All I’m asking is that they speak to the boys’ parents and make sure the boys are aware that nothing similar can happen again. Is there anything I should expect the school to do or is it nothing to do with them?

In addition if anyone has any advice of what to say/how to word myself that would be great, I’m awful at confrontation and fear I may just cry! So upset that my poor DD has been targeted, apparently they always call her a baby.

You most very definitely NOT being unreasonable. What horrible behaviour. I really your DD and her friend are ok. If school
refuse to do anything, I’d report it to safeguarding. Even if it’s happening outside of school, it could easily happen in school
because all the kids go there.

She didn't say anything about 'marching'... I would do the same if it was only next door and the school was still open. The reason being that my child would have to be amongst little bully boys the next day and I'd want the teachers to be made aware that their parents need contacting. She also said the parents could not be found, and I imagine consoling your child in pain would take priority over searching for absent parents. What's strange is you blaming OP/her DH for what took place instead of the group of boys attacking a little girl unprovoked..

This is hard because it is off school premises. That’s not to say the school shouldn’t act, but it does mean they aren’t responsible imo. Your husband was there - did he intervene? I would tell the school what has happened at the park and I’d expect them to be contacting parents about behaviour like this.
If your daughter is being bullied then I would insist they stop that and by whatever means necessary and now. If it’s the same children in the park and bullying I would be very forceful with the school as there’s a clear link there. Best of luck x

I have been through this myself but luckily I could fight back. My daughter had a miserable 1st year at High School when a so called friend turned all her other friends against her. The friends father had a go at me after I contacted some of the Mums and threatened me. I went to the school and was told that the whole family despite their respectable facade were troublemakers and known to the school. Luckily the situation resolved when the girls realised that they had made a mistake regarding so called friedSome schools will not take responsibility for things that occur outside school.
OK I am well able to stick up for my family but I feel your anxiety. So if possible make your presence felt go to the school let everyone see you do it. With DH if possible at your side. Meet DD from school as often as poss go to the park and make sure bullies see you you don’t have to be clingy let DD do her thing. Just be around as much as possible. Let them know that the incident will not be repeated or tolerated and If you have to get higher authorities involved you will. Be strong because it’s really important not to let this go on. Parents don’t want to be told their kids are brats they probably know. Good Luck

This. It wouldn’t be appropriate to sanction children for something that happened out of school. Inform - yes, expect the school to sort out the incident - no.

You’re right that schools are not responsible for what children do outside of school and that children are the responsibility of their parents.

At the same time though this doesn’t mean that schools can’t make an intervention about students’ behaviour off school premises. They do so all the time if it brings the school’s reputation into disrepute.

The OP doesn’t mention it, but if the children were wearing school uniform, this definitely triggers school intervention. Well, some schools. Others can’t be bothered. In this case, I’d expect the school to talk to the boys /parents involved at the very least about expectations of behaviour between pupils even off premises.

Also, it’s rare for 5 year olds to bully. They can be rough, and aggressive, but bullying is repeated, pre-meditated and a power imbalance. Has your child been repeatedly targeted?

Schools totally enable this behaviour these days and pretty much gaslight victims (what did you do to provoke it etc)
Personally i would have roared at the little shits involved and would bypass the school and go straight to their parents and make it clear it better stop.
My youngest is 5 and i would be livid if this happened. I feel so bad for your daughter, hope shes ok.

Sounds grim. I think some schools are extremely strict about not dealing with incidents off premised because they worry it would never end. However this is next door and after school so I think pushing to discuss is wise. What about the parents of the boys?

How exactly were the teachers "enabling" something that took place after school, off the school grounds?

I know you explained it but I am not sure how all this happened; when my children were that young I rarely left their side. Also, how he couldn’t find the boys parents

Yes. But calmly the next day, when staff are ready to deal with this kind of thing.

The end of the day, just as the incident has happened, isn't a good time, and snacks of 'come with me to the park now and tell those kids off' rather than a calm conversation about what needs to be done to protect DD when she's in school.

How awful. I really think the school need to address it with the parents - they and the boys need to know it won't be tolerated.

Age 5 in the park alone. Let that be a lesson

I say the same as I said on the other post; go nuclear. Go above the school to the board, the LEA, the newspapers. Threaten them. Demand. Turn up at their door every day until you see progress. Don’t allow them to pass you off.

This is such a shit thing to say and if you actually read the OPs posts properly, you’d know that her dad was there with her.

Go nuclear? Because some kids hit another kid in a park? really?

So when you went to a playground at age 5 and your child was there with their friends you followed them at a few feet on every piece of apparatus? Her dad was there. He ran. He couldn’t find the parents as potentially they weren’t there.

Christ the victim blaming on this thread is shocking.

No, but because there is a history of bullying which hasn’t been addressed and now it has become violent.

That would would spectacularly undermine OP 's case. Not one of those people would take her seriously if she behaves like that.

However, if she goes to the headteacher and discusses this calmly but firmly, she WILL be taken seriously. And by the person who's actually in on a position to do something (unlike all the others).

I don’t agree. Having been bullied and seen bullying ignored, if there has been bullying in the past and it hasn’t been dealt with and it gets to this point, you have to be loud.

If this was a first instance, fair enough, but it isn’t. The boy/s have been picking on her DD and it has now come to this. It’s not good enough.

Hi, just a thought, if they were all in school uniform they are deemed to ‘represent’ the school, i.e. if a child was in uniform caught stealing or vandalising then the school would be informed so this is no different surely?
I have been in a similar situation, albeit slightly older children, and was met with a similar response. We persevered and discovered that the school does have a duty of care, especially to the victim(s) as they are all in the class/school.
I would imagine that it is their ages that is the most concerning part to many parents and least concerning to others who do not consider this behaviour a problem.
It can get out of hand if it is not dealt with carefully, I know this, sadly from experience.
Good Luck 🍀

Why do some kids (sorry but yes mainly boys when it comes to being physical) have to be so mean? Yes it happened outside of school but reporting it to them to make them aware that they are victimising her is necessary. Their response should be that they will monitor her and them. Xx

This! Anything that happens outside of school in cases like this is relevant as it will transgress into school. This poor girl needs to feel confident that they won't continue it at school. Xx

Why didn't your husband deal with it rather than running next door to the school. Yes let the school know but it's out of school time and not on their grounds. I'm mostly shocked your husband didn't protect and stand up for his daughter unless you not sharing what he did. Were the parents of the boys there...what did they do. .