Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

I'd consider doing it if it was to buy a larger house where they had as a minimum their own bathroom/kitchen/sitting room, could maybe be a bed sitting room. In your current home? No it wouldn't work for 99.999% of people in my opinion.

A functioning alcoholic will eventually become a non functioning alcoholic. Just been through a similar situation where DB moved in with DM. He had successfully masked the impact of his drinking from us until then but once we were under the same roof there was no hiding it. His alter ego was monstrous. It was the worst year of my life, and my Dm says the same. Please don't subject Dc to that if you have a choice.

It's a no from me. Maybe if there was a granny annexe or space outside for a small mobile home type thing but if it's for potentially decades and with an alcoholic I'd say even then I'd struggle to agree.

Also @L4815 you say you'd need to help with them reducing their alcohol intake. If that's not coming from them you've got no chance, and even if it is and they say they're willing to cut down (presumably not going as far as stopping?) then I'd take it with a huge pinch of salt as they're probably just saying it to get you to agree.

I read as far as you having a child and the person being an alcoholic and that overrides everything. 💯 No..

Nope, they can use that 300k for their own property.

They sound like me. Except for the bit about nagging to keep things clean.
Can you do this on a trial basis, or can you negotiate some ground rules regarding comments about cleaning etc?

Sheltered housing does not take alcoholic people who cannot cope on own.Normally there is only a warden who pops in now and again.Has she tried a detox programme or even tried to stop alcohol ? If she moves in the alcohol will have caused major health and behavioural issues and you will end up being her carer dealing with faecal incontinence etc caused by alcoholism .

Think of it as £300,000 for what could be 16 hours per day (sleeping for 8 hours per day) for what could be 20 years

That is £2.57 per hour.

On the one hand the £300,000 now will give you a boost in finances and be worth more over all but your bills from shopping to heating, lighting and hot water and laundry etc will go up

I think that if you and your dh worked an extra 2 days per month each on some gig type job you would end up with the equivalent boost to your finances.

You will also probably live longer and not divorce because of the stress you will be under from this relatives presence

I would only do it if the amount on offer would get a huge mansion set in several hundred acres and there was a separate house on the property that the relative could live in and you wouldn’t see them day to day)

Why do they want to live with you?

Use the £300k to either extend to a second bathroom or move.

Honestly though, it feels off paying that sort of sum to live with someone

NO. Your home is your home.

You could invest the money and it would yield a lot more than 2.67 per hour then. This advice is bad, its like the money amount is finite, not growable, when its definitely growable.

Absolutely no way. Not fair on your child.

No no no no no no nooooooooooooo

Absolutely not. You cannot put a price on your sanity.

I hope this a joke

Please don't condemn your DS to a life with an alcoholic. Even if they are a teenager, that's an awful situation they don't have any say over. They will resent you for choosing to accommodate an alcoholic granny over a peaceful childhood.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

No, no no, Living with an alcoholic is hell. Please do not put your child through this.

No! Could you use the money to up size to somewhere with an annex?

No way. And as one of you has said no, then it can’t happen unless they move out, which they may well do if the annoying relative moves in!

Definitely not.
for that amount of money, they could look into supported living, I really don’t think it’s a good idea having them move in with you especially as you say they’re drinking 3 bottles of wine

Absolutely NOT. House is too small. Will ruin your life and you will end up getting divorced.

I also wouldn't bank on you
A) being allowed to overpay that much
B) the money not being liable to some sort of bone of contention in the even of their death by someone set to inheritance and challenging it.

An annoying functioning alcoholic? Absolutely no way!

The money is irrelevant. Even if it were relevant, you can afford your mortgage.

So should you move an alcoholic into your child's home? Yes or No?

No way. I would not expose my DC to an alcoholic, and as others have pointed out they're not functioning if they can't live alone. I guess you could use the money to buy a house with an annex but you would still be seriously negatively impacted.