Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

So they can have dogsbodies to sort stuff out and avoid any responsibility themselves

Oh my. That is properly alcoholic.

I think I'd say no on that basis

It’s not 2.5 times the value of their house: £135k is the outstanding balance on their mortgage.

And legally how would this 300k be transferred? What if they don't cut down, or they increase their drinking? What if they do something that puts your son or the house in danger, such as leaving the door open, the oven on etc because they're pissed? If you kick them out for something like this would they get their money back? If they have to go into care would they get their money back? Apart from them being annoying, I don't think this has been thoroughly thought through.

They should buy a small place near to you and use some of the money to pay for carers/a companion. If you lived in a fairly large place with an annexe, or you could create a separate living space with their own facilities then it would be more possible.

There isn’t enough money or real estate and there aren’t jewels in the universe that could persuade me to move in an annoying relative.

3 bottles a day!

Dear god no! Your life won't be your own and your DC will be subject to it.

There will be appointments, AA meetings, potentially falling off the wagon, potentially aggression and misery. And the money will be held over your head.

No holidays because someone has to look after the relative. Who's going to clean up if they have a bad relapse?

You will be a slave to all this for potentially 30 years!

Absolutely not. They could take away the beat years of your life you will regret it. They won’t stop drinking and could live for another 45 years. I have no idea how my father's liver lasted until he was 97.

Would I let someone make my life miserable for £40/day (assuming they live another 20 years)? No.

You only get one life. You’re potentially looking at ruining 20 years of it with this situation, plus the lives of all the other people living in the house. It wouldn’t even be worth it for £3m for me.

Sounds like a sheltered housing type arrangement might suit them. Can you talk to adult social services to see what is available locally?

I assume they can't hold down a job with that level of alcoholism so the cost of the wine and all other living costs would need to be paid by you?

But the only way I would consider it would be if it was possible to build or buy somewhere with a self contained annex for them to live in and both partners were happy with the arrangement. Otherwise no.

My parent lived in a flat in sheltered accommodation. Several alcoholics were housed there. You really don't want an alcoholic living with you and your child. As the disease progresses, the situation becomes completely untenable. Your relative may become completely incapable of self care - showering, dressing appropriately, using the toilet (ie, wetting and soiling bedding, chairs, carpets etc), no desire to eat, just drink increasing amounts of alcohol. Behavioural problems, including verbal and physical attacks. Collapses leading to hospital admissions, then swift discharge back home with no attempt to address the addiction. My parent was distressed that this was happening in their apartment block, with minimal actual contact. I can't imagine coping with this in my own home. One of those involved died in their 60's, one moved into a care home, one moved on to another residential apartment block after being evicted due to abusive behaviour (to continue the cycle). You won't be able to evict your relative. Please protect your family. X

For that amount of money the relative should think to buy their own property.

No, no amount of money is worth that kind of stress

Fuck no!! Your sanity and privacy is worth so much more. In fact, it’s priceless!!

Then there would be the future care aspect that would default to you/your partner if you’re all under one roof.

No, absolutely not.

I wouldn't want a relative I liked occupying my only spare room, let alone one I found annoying and has alcohol issues.

What happens if (when) you realise it's a terrible idea, you can't live together, but it's too late because they already sold their house? Recipe for disaster.

Three bottles of wine a day means their liver is probably well on the way to knackered. Why would you want to take on the responsibility of Cirrhosis and everything that entails. Methinks this is the real reason for wanting to move in.

There is no amount of money that would make me let someone I didn't like live with us.

Depending on their age, what happens when you realise that the local authority considers the money they have given to you as deprivation of assets and refuses to pay for any care they may need ?

The op said the money was coming from the house the relative is selling..

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Indeed - and, having cared for someone with end-stage cirrhosis (not alcohol related), it's truly awful.

Nope!! This could wreck your whole life together. Absolutely not worth it and they might have a claim on your house later too! For that money they could buy a one bed flat and hire a cleaner!

Nope

No amount of money could compensate me for the loss of my home as a safe place for me and my family. He is asking for you to be his carer not to be a housemate.