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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

525 replies

L4815 · 11/07/2024 17:40

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

OP posts:
DidYouChargeYourPhoneUp · 11/07/2024 22:12

Im sorry but you think it's a good idea having an alcoholic around DS setting a bad example? How can that alone be worth 300k to you?!

Thedayb4youcame · 11/07/2024 22:14

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 11/07/2024 17:43

That £300k will be held over you at every turn.
no.

And added to which, should it ever be asked where the money had gone, it could be seen as a deprivation of assets. There is no time frame on this, and a beneficiary could be made to pay it back.

Far better the relative holds onto the £300k and pays rent each month to the OP.

Biggleslefae · 11/07/2024 22:15

Seems like the real choice for the boozy relative is carry on as they are or . . .
PATIO😱
(who'da thought that Brookie story line would become a meme*)
(feel free to correct me if meme is not the right term!)

Ezekiela · 11/07/2024 22:15

No. Your home is your haven. You must be able to relax there. So many red flags. No, no, no.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/07/2024 22:18

Alcohol consumption is currently about 3 bottles of wine a day.
No way Jose

Namechange54354 · 11/07/2024 22:21

Absolutely NO WAY.

saraclara · 11/07/2024 22:22

No. I couldn't move a parent/PIL in with me for potentially 20 years, even if they were saintly. A 3 bottles of wine a day alcoholic? Not a chance. Even if I didn't have a child.

TheHateIsNotGood · 11/07/2024 22:23

It's really just another MIL thread I surmise.

Really all these pesky, irritant-worthy MILs should just disappear and consider their job done after they gave birth to our DHs.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 11/07/2024 22:23

They could go on for another 20 years. That’s £1250 a month, before tax, for their personality, their alcoholism and possibly dementia too? And whoever’s relation it is will also have to take them with them when they move because if will end your marriage so you will need to sell the family home.

Not a chance in hell.

foothandmouth · 11/07/2024 22:28

TheHateIsNotGood · 11/07/2024 22:23

It's really just another MIL thread I surmise.

Really all these pesky, irritant-worthy MILs should just disappear and consider their job done after they gave birth to our DHs.

I assumed the ops mother not mil

HarrytheHobbit · 11/07/2024 22:32

No amount of money in the world would make me agree to this.

828Pax · 11/07/2024 22:33

As someone who let a family member move in 2 years ago...I would advise not to do it. It seemed financially a good idea at the time but sadly it's been nothing but awful. Its not even that family member has done anything bad but we just don't live well together and it's caused so much stress and ultimately has harmed the relationship for good

Xyz1234567 · 11/07/2024 22:39

100% no, no way would I want an alcoholic around my child, or me for that matter.

ILoveToCleanSaidNooneEver · 11/07/2024 22:43

The only way I would do this is if the equity in your house added to the 300k would afford you a property with an annexe or a separate living area.

Having someone move into your house totally changes the dynamics.

ClairDeLaLune · 12/07/2024 03:25

When you say no (and I assume you are going to say no) prepare yourself for a shed-load of emotional blackmail - you don’t love me, you don’t want to help me, I can’t stop drinking if you don’t help me, I’ll be dead in a gutter this time next year, it’s your fault if I get worse, I haven’t got anyone else, after all I did for you growing up, I brought you onto this world so you owe me etc etc etc. Get you hard hat on and prepare to be tough OP.

ClairDeLaLune · 12/07/2024 03:27

TheHateIsNotGood · 11/07/2024 22:23

It's really just another MIL thread I surmise.

Really all these pesky, irritant-worthy MILs should just disappear and consider their job done after they gave birth to our DHs.

Have you actually read any of OP’s posts properly? In any case MIL or whoever is a grown adult, why is she OP’s responsibility?

Aria999 · 12/07/2024 03:42

I would not but I would generally avoid having anyone live with us as we like our independence and privacy.

If you are worried about cleaning standards being different, the extra money could fund a housekeeper.

Discotrousers · 12/07/2024 03:54

HELL NO!!! And I say that as someone with literally not a pot to piss in, no house, no assets, nothing left at the end of the month and a shedload of debt. £300k is unimaginable money to me but living with someone who constantly annoyed me would make me utterly miserable and no amount of money is worth that. I already know I can be happy without money so it wouldn't be worth sacrificing my happiness for money I never expected to have.

mortgagefreesoon5 · 12/07/2024 04:03

No, absolutely no, don't do it. You are young, they are young, he/she could live another 40 years with you. They wouldn't move elsewhere and you ll be taking more and more obligations. Ask me how I know.

Your time is precious, this is your time.

Bluebirdover · 12/07/2024 04:04

Nope and if they needed care in the future, you'd be paying the £300k back as it's deliberate privation of assets.

Bluebirdover · 12/07/2024 04:07

828Pax · 11/07/2024 22:33

As someone who let a family member move in 2 years ago...I would advise not to do it. It seemed financially a good idea at the time but sadly it's been nothing but awful. Its not even that family member has done anything bad but we just don't live well together and it's caused so much stress and ultimately has harmed the relationship for good

@L4815 read this!

I'm sorry for you, can you change this? Can they move out?

You've potentially got a long time of this?

Bluebirdover · 12/07/2024 04:11

@L4815 also don't think you can fix an alcoholic, you can't. They'll say if I wasn't lonely I'd do it, the fact is why are they lonely? Because they're an alcoholic, so they've pissed everyone off!

My sister has a friend move in with her who was an alcoholic, she thought she could fix him, she would've allow him to drink in her house, she'd get him doing stuff so he wouldn't drink............... guess how that went.

NeedToAskPlease · 12/07/2024 04:12

L4815 · 11/07/2024 17:51

Sorry, I should have said that the 300k would come from the sale of their home. They no longer feel able to live alone, so they want to sell up and move in with us, in exchange, giving us the money from the house sale.

So they want you to be their carer....if not now they will in the future

Ineffable23 · 12/07/2024 04:20

Currently in the process of watching a relative die of alcoholism from a distance and it's not something I'd recommend experiencing up close. I was early 20s when it started and I found it pretty distressing though I'm mainly enured to it now.

Jenrht · 12/07/2024 04:29

Blackboxbetty · 11/07/2024 22:02

Nope. Living your life in peace as you choose is priceless

This 100%

Freedom is all.

I feel panicky and trapped just reading your post OP! There is literally no amount of money that would persuade me to do what you’re suggesting.