Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

By the way I have experience of functioning alcoholics. They are much much more likely to become dysfunctioning ones than to recover. One bathroom - they’ll be hogging it pissing everywhere and throwing up. Do NOT expose your DS to them.

No. Don't forget it's likely taxable!

How do you think?

By having maybe £150 a week to spend on wine.

In what world do some people not have £150 spare a week? Can you really not imagine that some people may have £150 spare?

Not a chance! But surely the 300k would be towards buying somewhere bigger and more comfortable for you all? Ideally an annex. Cramming an extra person into a small terrace would be annoying no matter how lovely they were. Someone annoying, definite no.

No. Unless you could move and find somewhere with an annexe?

Are you prepared to clean up urine, faeces and vomit on a daily basis? Or have your DCs see them incontinent and falling down drunk? Because both will happen on 3 bottles a day, or even 1 or 2 as they abstain/binge. My NDN faced this with her alcoholic husband.

I bet their money has already gone and they're making up lies so you'll look after them and feel obliged to offer to take them in. Don't do it to your DC.

Not even if they had gone to AA and started medical help to detox. I'd want to see consistent progress for a year minimum. Stop enabling them.

Do many ppl have that much spare money to spend on alcohol a week, and pay the rest of their bills? If so, I don’t know them!

No. This will go belly up, fast.

It would be different if you had an annex or a part of the home where they could have their own bed, sitting area and bathroom with maybe a kitchenette for kettle, small microwave, small fridge etc. But they don't. This will go wrong quickly.

Your last paragraph was what I was going to suggest. Buying a small one bed place as close as possible to you so you can be on hand if absolutely required. But there’s the distance they’re not in your home.

Even if the person in question didn't have alcohol issues, your house is too small to have a third adult living there. It would drive you all nuts just having them milling around the place and imposing their routines on you.

Would your marriage last the distance? Then what would happen to them?
They should have handed the inheritance over in the beginning and so you could buy a house with an annex. Now is too late.
You would no longer have a life of your own so really it’s not a goer

No, you have a child, this person is an alcoholic. Put your child first.

Absolutely not! I had a very very annoying family member live with us for several months, I would pay £300k to avoid that for the next 20+ years!

It stops your home being your home.

You'd have to be 95 lol

Gosh! I feel this thread. I too have a relative who frequently hints at moving in with us, is lonely and an alcoholic. As much as I love them, and even if 300k was in the equation, the answer would be no. The drain on my mental health wouldn't be worth it, then there's the impact of everything on other members of the household.

You're going about it the right way in suggesting moving nearer so you can support more. That way you still have your own space.

Would they be open to something along the lines of 50+ housing. They could sell their property and put the money in to a place, possibly closer to you, but where they would also have a community around them and where support would likely be available should they become in need of any care etc.

No.

Why didn't they invest the money to provide an income instead of burning through it?
The answer is likely they couldnt be bothered & assumed they'd be able to guilt you into taking them in!
I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation OP, I hope you can find a way to give some support without it having a negative impact on you. That's going to be tricky as this person (from what you say )is unravelling into a bottomless pit of need😕

absolutely not! The money is tempting but seeing as they're already over bearing, controlling plus an alcoholic , it definitely wouldn't be worth it. You're home is meant to be a sanctuary away from annoying people

Absolutely don't do it. My elderly MIL moved in with us for several whilst in-between buying/selling homes. It was an absolute nightmare.
They stopped doing anything for themselves, wouldn't eat what we ate, hijacked the TV and sofa, made a mess abd damaged things, all seemingly oblivious.
We kept the peace as it was temporary and they literally had nowhere else to go but if it had been a permanent move, I'd have moved out. It was horrendous.
No amount of money is worth having to share your home and lose your sanity over. It coukd be marriage/relationship ending too.

Absolutely not.

"Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating."
They're annoying, but you can currently walk away. If they move in, you can't. They will wear you down and you will either become depressed or so filled with rage you'll be spending some of the money on a new patio with them under the slabs.

"Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing."
They won't reduce.

"Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years."
And you could end up their carer in less than 5 years, with their alcoholism and other health issues.

"Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us."
Patio.

"House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc."
So absolutely no privacy from someone who is irritating and will nag at you. That damned patio keeps swimming before my eyes.

"One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be ..."
You're forgetting that money is power. Having given you this money, your family member will consider that they OWN you, and will most likely remind you of that on a daily basis.

"... and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends."
And WHY do they have no friends?

"Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money."
Almost? Is!

"Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money."
Choose freedom. And sanity. And an undisturbed patio.

They're only 50, can't live alone, not working (I assume), burning through an inheritance to pay for 3 bottles of wine a day...possible early dementia....

They'll give you the 300k, but you'll probably end up supporting them to an amount significantly more than that.

This will end up being A Big Problem.

Nope. Living your life in peace as you choose is priceless

It would have been a 'no' without that ... but that in and of itself should be an absolutely no way in hell no. Especially with a child in the house.

No

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us

Yeah right. They no doubt said it but would you ever see it? No. And it would be taxed.

And no anyway.